How long do you wait?

Question

My husband told me 6/21 he doesn't know if he loves me anymore. Since then we've been getting along okay. He gets mad if I ask him if anything has changed and just wants me to ignore it. I'm just confused. I don't know how long to wait for him to decided whether he loves me or not. He won't say he loves me. When I tell him, he says "Okay" so now I don't say it at all. We don't really fight, we even laugh occasionally, but it's just so strange. (He said he could at least try to treat me like a wife??) It's so heartbreaking to tell the person you love more that anything that you love them, and not hear it back. Especially when you're married, have a baby, and have grown accustomed to it. I love him and I'm so desperate to keep this family together, but where do I take care of my heart and finally realize that enough is enough? This is my first marriage and I'm so confused. I want to stay, but it's so hard when your love isn't returned. I'm tired of having my heart stomped on repeatedly.

Answer 1

You've waited 2,000 years for Jesus to come back. At least give your husband a couple of weeks....

Answer 2

Get off her back about the "it's only been a week" crap! She has put every ounce of her trust into this man and she's being slapped in the face with it. If you don't know what that feels like than you've never been in a close enough relationship to offer her advice!!!

This is a difficult thing to go through. I have been in this position exactly. I'm sorry to say that it led to divorce. I look back now to realize there was much more to it. I believe my ex-husband was involved in pornography and various other addictions I was not aware of during our marriage. I think it is a good idea to give him a little more time. Remember that if this marriage ends, God has something better for you because He loves you and wouldn't lead you astray on eternal matters.
A marriage is like a triangle. At the top is God, while one side is you and the other your husband. The trick is that if you and your husband are both growing closer to God, then you will be growing closer to each other. On the other hand, if only one of you is growing closer to God while the other is standing still or growing further from God, you will grow further apart and it is likely your marriage will end.
My marriage ended badly, however I am now currently married to a man that loves me and cherishes me. In other words, continue to fight for what you've got (put him before yourself and even your child. Your husband should come before your child, even if that sounds awful, it's true. Keep your house clean and make meals so he can eat when he gets home. Never bring up anything negative about your day especially when he's just getting off work. Compliment him and let him know he is loved without saying the words). But if the time comes that it should end, you'll know you gave it your all and that the decision no longer rested in your hands. Continue to stay close to your Father in Heaven and strive to be even closer and He will take care of you as He has thusfar.

Answer 3

2 years

Answer 4

Ah sweetheart - this is such hard stuff - I am so sorry you are going through this.

I think there comes a time in every couple's relationships when one person "falls out of love." with their partner. It is possible that he is just going through his own stuff and that he really doesn't know what he wants right now.

This is pretty normal. We all grow and change and have times where we are not able to be good in relationships. Usually, we get through it without alot of drama. Sometimes, tho, we hurt other people in the process. I would imagine that you husband DOES love you, but that he is going through a mental, emotional, or spiritual struggle/growth time.

Part of being married, then, is allowing these times - helping each other through them. Your husband may get through this and your relationship may be better than ever. Who knows? The only guarantee you have is that if you give up on your marriage, it will be over.

You don't want to give up on your marriage - that is evident. So you stay and help him through this time. Tell him that, until he knows what he wants, you are going to give him his space, but that you will be there to listen and to love him.

Even if your marriage ends - for your child's sake you need to love him - even if it is as a friend. If you have to be a friend right now, that's okay.

I would give it a few months and if nothing changes, then consider counseling - if not for both of you then just for you.

This isn't your fault and is isn't really his. It is part of life and, even tho it sucks, we still have to work hard at it.

Be Blessed.

Answer 5

Wow- I can't answer that for you. You'll just know when the time comes that enough is enough and you need to move on.

My own ex got seriously distant when our child was born, and never came back around. I held on for two years, until one day he decided that dictating how life should be would improve things. And in a way, he was right. that was the breaking point for me. Apparently that was OK with him - he'd been trying to figure out how to move along himself.

Now we're both happily remarried and have families of our own - and get along fine now that we don't have to live with each other.

Try to not get depressed - I know, nice to say, not easy to do.

Maybe it is time to ask him exactly where he wants to go with this - if he's not happy and you're not happy, the child will feel that too. Is that the environment you want to raise your kid in?

You can walk away from a marriage, still be decent and kind to each other, and treat your child as the most important thing between you. hatred and nastines doens't have to be part of a divorce.

Answer 6

You are right, it is so verrry hard when you are not treated in a loving manner. The hurt you feel now is minimal to the hurt you will feel when you split. It is the death of a relationship.
It is not until that happens that you will come alive and be new and fresh again, after you mourn what you have gone through. It is okay to be sad, sorrowful and sometimes angry, but be positive for your family's sake. People will offer advice. You will get tired of the same old, same old when all you want is to be happy. Believe me, happiness is out there and you will make it happen.

Peace be with you.

Answer 7

Britney, I don't know if you are a Christian or not, but most marriages come to point like yours. But a marriage is a convenant and in a covenant your marriage binding. It is not based on how you feel or how your husband feels. However, the good news is that if you are in a relationship with the Lord, you have a right to have your marriage restore and healthy if you bring it before God's throne of grace. Only the Lord can heal and restore what at the root of your marriage problem. So, as a believer you do not have to settle for break up. You just have to bring your appeal to God and the Lord is faithful to His promises concerning your peace and marriage and trust God.

Answer 8

This is going to sound a bit sexist, and I am okay with that. It is also going to be unpopular, but whatever, it is what I have to say.

Men are big babies sometimes. My guess is he is watching all his unmarried friends "have fun." He thinks he is missing out on all the action (like I said, men are dopes sometimes).

It has only been a few days since he said this, give him space. Find your own things to do. Hang with your girlfriends, go stay with your mother, whatever works for you. Just spend some time taking care of you and your baby. Let him take care of himself. Fighting for your marriage doesn't mean that you actively trying to make him love you. That never works anyway.

Let him have time to hang with the boys. Don't criticize. And don't force the "Do you love me thing."

My guess is, he will either miss you, or decide he doesn't love you. Then you will know. Most men figure out that they miss their wives pretty fast.

I have been married for 20 years. My husband had his "I don't know" phase. It lasted about a month, and he got over it.

I am happily married.

Answer 9

Your husband is both playing a power game and also ignoring the suffering he is instilling by telling you such a thing. Rather than simply take it, enroll in marriage counseling with a trained marriage & family therapist, preferably one who has a good track record with couples. The therapy model entitled "Emotionally Focused Therapy" has been shown to be effective in helping couples who are trying to restore an open and loving relationship. If you are enrolled in a support group or religious institution, ask one of the leaders whom they would recommend.

It is possible to overcome this difficulty. I can almost assure you that your husband is also hurting, but he's sealed himself off from it. Get both of you to counseling before either of you do something that you will regret and that will sabotage the marriage beyond repair.

^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^ ^v^

Answer 10

I would strongly suggest counselling before you take even one more step. I went through something like this with my husband while we were still dating, and it turned out that he had major conflicts as to his ability to be a good boyfriend/husband, because his parents' marriage had been so terrible; as a result of this inner turmoil, he had always pushed people away, so he wouldn't hurt them.

Of course, I didn't know this at the time, and I stayed with him and felt my heart break over and over again. It nearly ended my relationship with him before we had even given it a fair chance. It was not until we had broken up while I was pregnant with our son that we finally went to counselling, but even then, he refused to open up. However, I was able to piece everything together from other things that he had said.

Now, we are very happy. I have made sure that he knows that we are not his parents or mine (who also had a miserable marriage), and that I believed in him and in us very much. I think that this was the boost that he needed in order to be able to believe in himself and us, as well.

I don't know for sure if this will work for the two of you, but I would strongly suggest that you take this simple step before either of you become more miserable than you already are. I would suspect that he is unhappy with everything as well, or he would not have mentioned it and would have just left you. The mere fact that he HAS told you how is feeling shows that your relationship matters to him, just maybe not the way that you want for it to at this time.

Answer 11

Ma'am, a question or concern such as this, should not be asked of strangers that may be bitter toward other people, they will say anything, some to be funny, some to be cruel, and a lot out of stupidity. You are the one that must make up your mind, and since you are asking this in religion area, take up a Bible and read, pray, and give it to the Lord.
I hope all will be right for you and yours.

seek help with a professional.

May God bless and keep you.