Why call women ma'am when most of us hate it?

Question

In light of the enormous number of women--regardless of age--who detest being called ma'am, why in the **** do assholes continue to address us this way? Do you really think we like this hokey *** tag? I for one hate it and have a tendency to go off on whoever calls me this, whether they know it bothers me or not. And don't tell me it's about respect. I don't see where women get any real respect in this society. Calling us ma'am isn't going to make up for this.

Well, just because some of you like that tag doesn't mean we all have to like it. I am generally very rude to people who call me ma'am because it's an ageist and sexist label. No it is not respectful by any means.

Some further insight for those of you who still don't get it. First of all, men have the tag 'sir' their entire lives. The term master is archaic and not used to address a male child any longer. So a man can be a sir whether he's 18 or 80. On the other hand, women have the miss/ma'am dichotomy to deal with. On one side, the miss side, she's young, presumably attractive to men, and other the flip side, the ma'am side, it conjures up the matronly blue haired lady wearing cafeteria shoes. Men are not classified according to their age when it comes to an honorific as women are. Secondly it IS possible to be polite to someone without resorting to sexist, archaic terms like ma'am if you stretch you mind a little further. A simple "excuse me" or "can I help you" or "how are you today" is neutral, polite, and perfectly acceptable regardless of the environment in which you are interacting. Many of you should take notes on this and remember these points the next time you address women.

I feel as though people who want to show me respect should do so in other ways, holding doors, letting me cross the street without running me over, not putting me on hold for an hour when I call. Don't ignore me when I'm at a counter waiting for service. Throw your coat over a puddle for me when I walk. Just don't call me ma'am.

di Lorenzo--

My analogy of throwing a coat over a puddle and ma'am is that both are archaic and antiquated practices, inconsonant with this era. Secondly, it's usually attractive women who get the doors held for them, not the old or overweight ones. Ask them about their experience in this patriarchy before spewing nonsense. They will give you a clearer picture of women's true position in this society. As for being called sir, it does not have the same ageist and sexist connotation that ma'am does by any stretch. So your point is moot.

I think when people invade my space by talking to me, I have the right to be addressed the way I want to be addressed, not by the way they want to address me because they think calling me ma'am is the de riguer thing to do. I think once you engage in dialog with someone and she tells you what she wants to be called, you are OBLIGATED to respect her wishes. The person you are addressing makes the rules, not you.

Wordsmythe is an ignorant cow. When you call someone something they don't like to be called and call that being polite, that makes you uncouth, esp. when you knew this beforehand. Btw, ma'am, you are hardly a word smith, so stop flattering yourself. All people who call me ma'am I consider rude, regardless of their intentions. Nothing these mindless posters type here can change my mind about it.

Answer 1

Given your propensity for asterisks, I'm surprised you encounter this problem. I would expect the reverse case scenario.

Nonetheless, you have a point about the miss/ma'am versus master/mister double standard. Nobody has addressed me as "Master" since my grandmother, and that only on envelopes. I had an acquaintance surnamed Beatty whose girlfriend used to address his letters with that honorific too, but the practice has now largely died out.

You are mistaken to think that men all appreciate being called "Sir." It definitely implies age, and can connote a difference in social status that is inappropriate to modern society. I do, however, prefer it to "Chief," which seems to be the main alternative lately.

As for men holding doors for you, how is that different from "ma'am?" Both imply that you are too old - and too frail as a female - to fend for yourself.

And if you are expecting any man laying his coat over a puddle for you, well, just which century do you think this is?

Answer 2

Well I'm sorry that you find it to not be respectful but instead ageist and sexist. But honey, that's your own problem.

When you grow up in the South, it's kind of drilled into you to say it and when you've been saying it your whole life as a sign of respect, it's kind of hard to just stop. In school, if you don't add the ma'am and say "yes, ma'am" you get in a lot of trouble. From an early age, most of us are taught that saying ma'am is part of being chivalrous; we learn to use it as a sign of respect. So when some guy says "good morning, ma'am" to me, I recognize it as the courteous greeting that it is. I don't take it as an ageist or sexist comment. And even if I did, I certainly wouldn't go off on someone for using it if they didn't know I detested the phrase. It's one thing to get mad at a friend who knows you don't like it, it's another to go off on some bloke just because he was doing a courteous, respectful gesture like he was raised to and had no idea how you felt on the subject.

It's actions like that that keeps society putting women into those awful stereotypes and categories. If you want some respect, you should start giving it.

Answer 3

I moved back to Texas six years ago, so I can relate to struggling with this problem, coming home from the Pacific Northwest. Certainly, in some parts of the United States, women bristle at being called "ma'am" and having a door held open for them while in some parts of the country, doing so is considered both appropriate and civilized--Feminism not withstanding. South of the Mason-Dixon line, for instance, most children are routinely taught to call their elders "sir" and "ma'am", and males extend such gentlemanly courtesies as rising from a chair when a woman friend (no matter what her age) greets them publicly in a restaurant, or they hold a door open for her.

Since you insist, I won't justify these practices by invoking "respect", but "traditions" die hard. Back home, after a period of readjustment, I automatically call any other adults I met "sir" or "ma'am" (without thinking), and I also open the door for all other adults, or for that matter, any other individual who is following me. If I moved out of the South, however, I understand that I would have to reassess my forms of address immediately.

Answer 4

Thank you! 1 million times this. Yes exactly how it feels to be called ma'am. (Southern gentleman with an accent to clarify excused since ma'am doesn't seem to be associated with age in the Deep South). But thank you very much for posting this and saying what so many of us females feel

Answer 5

Maybe I'm counter-revolutionary, but I now enjoy people calling me ma'am. It IS about respect is some cases - think about how you would feel if you were addressing men as "sir" all the time. Its kinda humbling. They only people who address me as ma'am anyway are those on active duty in the military - people I have contact with because of my profession.
I think "ma'am" is associated with being older, and since this is a youth oriented culture, no one wants to be tagged as a senior.

Answer 6

I get a little sensitive to it just because of my age, however, you rant and rave about being called ma'am, but how would you rather be addressed? Do you think it's disrespectful for a man to be called sir?
I would much much rather be addressed as ma'am then be snapped at, called "hey you!" or be poked on the shoulder...

Answer 7

Yeah, I know, respect is sliding more and more to the background of our society - sad to say. A lot of women hate men that don't show respect - like opening the door for them and treating them like a Lady.... and others are so emancipated they get angry about men trying to be kind, courteous, respectful and loving by addressing them accordingly.... Do you really know what you want???
What a upside down world we are living in, huh?!
We would have a much better world if we had more God fearing/ loving people.
God bless you.

Answer 8

"1668, colloquial shortening of madam (q.v.). Formerly the ordinary respectful form of address to a married woman; later restricted to the queen, royal princesses, or by servants to their mistresses."

Why do you have to be rude to someone that is trying to show you respect, even if out of habit? It just simply shows, for me at least, how pathetic we have become, when we, men and women, treat a person who is showing respect so badly. It shows we are not worthy even of that form of respect.

And how do you expect to get any respect in society if you do not treat others with respect. To lose your temper over such a pathetic little thing, that according to you has not meaning, really just proves the point doesn't it?

I for one find people who lose there composure of little things like this to be childish. Which is sad, in many ways. But, really, ..... what is the point of wasting all that energy?

little fox

let go, be happy

Answer 9

I was raised to call men sir and women ma'am. My dad would yell at me if I didn't use those tags. I am an adult, I still do it, and I will continue to do so. I do it out of respect....even though you may chose not to believe that. AND, as a woman, I get plenty of respect in society. RESPECT IS EARNED!!!

Answer 10

This is a good insightful question. I tend to address my clients and even my nieces and nephews with sirs and ma'ams. I hardly ever use the word "miss" unless I am talking to my 16-month old niece. The terms help me to remain professional with clients, even when they get a little difficult. The terms also help me get my "cool" with my nephews and nieces who occasionally get out of hand.

Until I read your question, I was unaware about the miss/ma'am dilemma. Thanks for being this to my attention.