This has to do with some questions I asked the other day about my brother moving in with me and my family.
I can't say no to him moving in. I feel like it's mean and he has nowhere else to go. Me and my family live in a small town where there is barely any businesses to work at. Otherwise you would have to have a car and be willing to drive a half hour away, which my brother cannot do.
See he's been in trouble with the law. He used to live in the city with another family member until he got into further trouble now he cant go back to that family members house to live, and wants to live here.
I'm afraid that if I let him stay here with us he'll just freeload or get into trouble all over again. cause there isnt any jobs available around and how wold he help us with bills and stuff.
what should I do?...I feel like I cant tell him no.
2007-07-01 10:54:38 · 13 answers · asked by preggo&luvinit 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
BTW
he HAS to get a job because he's on parole and I guess thats what his PO told him.
2007-07-01 11:06:27 · update #1
Saying no to a family member is not bad at all,in life you have to take care of yourself just as he has to.If he was staying with another family member and got in trouble with the law and caused problems what makes you think he wont do the same for your family?.He made his own troubles let him fix his problems,its not your job for sure.That's my thoughts,sounds mean but there are people that have to learn the hard way and there are people who never learn how to live life.
2007-07-01 11:08:43 · answer #1 · answered by sasyone 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a difficult position to be in. Of course it's hard to think that a family member would be on the street, but it depends on just how "bad" he is. You don't want to be inviting trouble into your home.
Meanwhile, aren't there ANY jobs available in your town? There has got to be something....like McDonalds or Burger King, or any of that sort, even if there aren't any other types?
If you decided to let him live with you then you would have to let him know from the start that he will have to contribute to the house, even if that means doing chores and repairs while he isn't employed, but you DO expect him to actively seek a job. Let him know from the start "No freeloaders allowed!" Also, let him know that if there is any trouble he has to leave, no arguments.
2007-07-01 11:10:07 · answer #2 · answered by missmuffin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is hard to say no to your brother. Your brother will never learn to get his stuff together if everyone keeps allowing him to mess up. You letting him in is just basically saying "yeah you can stay for free and do what you want all on me". Stop giving your brother excuses of why he can not do for himself. He is going to have to grow up eventually, so why not now. Say no it may hurt but look at the long run it can be teaching him a lesson. A person with idle time and idle mind is the devils playground. Help him find something to do like school, volunteer work. SOMETHING
2007-07-01 11:05:10 · answer #3 · answered by B J 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well thats true you cant turn down ur brother but you can do is have him help you guys around the house and do chorus...i mean if his not going to be working might as well do something useful around the house. Also I think you should talk to him and let him know what the rules are of your house..if he is going to get in trouble tell him you will kick him out and that he needs to help out with anything you guys might need.
2007-07-01 11:04:23 · answer #4 · answered by ShyAngel444 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hope you like fireworks cause this has "explosive" written all over it.
He wants you to take in his daughter as well? Does he have custody? How old is she? Where is her mother? Is she in school? Are you prepared to raise another child, because that's what you are gonna be doing. If so, then what you may be able to do (and I'm assuming facts here) is offer to take in his child if need be. She should not have to suffer because she has a selfish, irresponsible father. BTW...something your own kids don't need to see laying around their living room in his underware sipping a beer and scarfing down their spagetti-Os.
Your freeloading fears are justified. So are your husbands. What about your marriage? Are you going to make this decision for your entire family, irregardless of their feelings?
As much as I'd like to, and as much as you probably want me to, I just cant sugar coat this for you. There is no other choice here. You are just not prepared to take this on. Tell him your sorry but you just cant help him at this time. Do it in one swift kick and don't look back. Its gonna be tough but consider the alternative, and besides your FIRST responsibility is to YOUR family.
Sweetheart, read your questions back to yourself. You already know what you have to do and You already know that you are in no position to take in another family, especially a troubled one. Take your own advise....its good advise.
2007-07-02 02:06:47 · answer #5 · answered by trailer life 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My dear, you'd BETTER learn to say know. Your brother is crippled and won't get better until he is forced to take responsibilities for his actions. If he gets kicked out of a place, he'll have to find his own place to live. You're right, he'll just feeload and get into trouble all over again. Stiffen up your backbone and tell him "No more, we're done."
2007-07-01 11:02:01 · answer #6 · answered by DelK 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sit down and think what problems he may cause. Then talk to him and let him know what you will not allow while he's staying with you. It's your house and you have that right. If he will not abide by your rules, he will have to learn the hard way.
2007-07-01 11:00:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i went through the same thing with my little bro. i got him a good job and told him to save his money to get back on his feet. no rent, just just help with groceries. in 5 months i never got grocery money, he called in sick to work and came home early at least once a week, and he blew all his money on a new computer and games for it. it started causing fights between me and my husband. and i had to tell him to leave. you can't help someone who won't help themself, and as long as someone is willing to provide for them, they'll never learn to take care of themself. good luck, don't let him use you too long!
i dont think it's bad to give him a chance, but make it clear to him that this is one chance. tell him upfront what your expectations of him are and if he falters, boot him. if he want help instead of handouts, he'll do whatever you tell him he needs to to stay there.
2007-07-01 11:02:31 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
no it's not neccesarilly bad becasue that's your brother but in some situations it could get out of control. Look up the definition or search for a page on people pleasers. I was once one of these and it can get bad to the point you become stressed out don't do it to yourself.
2007-07-01 10:57:55 · answer #9 · answered by bre714 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it sounds like trouble already:( I mean you're already stressing and his bearly moving in, I think you should talk to him about how you feel straight out with out no confustion cause your only gona feel uncofterble in your own home:) I don't think you want that, so you should step up and tell him how you feel before he does do something you don't like him doing and he comes back and say's "you didn't tell me nothing?" and you will end up not likeing him no more, it's better for evrything to be out there:) good luck
2007-07-01 11:24:22 · answer #10 · answered by chula 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋