I know they aren't obligated to but I wonder if the new tradition of having older couples stand on their own two feet is starting a bad trend.
I currently have 3 brides I'm designing for, all are 21 or younger. When they were asked why they were getting married now it's because if they waited any longer the parents would not pay since they were "adults". One bride even told me it's OK if she gets divorced in a few years because she got a free party and tons of presents she wouldn't have gotten if she waited until she was sure he was the right guy.
It leaves me wondering if couples are jumping into commitment early to get the wedding paid for....what do you guys think?
2007-07-01 08:44:00 · 20 answers · asked by pspoptart 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I didn't marry until I was thirty, but even at twenty-one I would have expected to pay for my own wedding myself.
There are always people who marry for the wrong reasons, whatever their age. It's possible they're just using 'mom and dad will pay for it now, but not later' more as an excuse.
Honestly? I think every generation comes up with new reasons to screw themselves up simply because it's human nature to do so.
Hopefully they'll learn something from their mistakes.
2007-07-01 08:55:05 · answer #1 · answered by gileswench 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Wow...those brides definitely have the wrong idea about marriage. Sadly, they probably will end up with a divorce.
My fiance and I are both 21. We will be 22 when we get married. We are expecting to pay for most of the wedding on our own. We are having a small wedding (trying to stay under $5000) because we want to buy a house. We will both be in grad school and will be living off of grad school salary. But you know what....we will be completely happy because we will be together. We are happy with a small wedding, because it is what comes after the wedding that really matters. Unfortunately, a lot of couples have lost sight of this and think that it is all about their big day and all the splendor that goes along with it. Then, when the honeymoon is over, they realize how unhappy they are. They are stuck with someone they really don't like, and their time in the spotlight is over.
Sad...but true.
2007-07-01 15:56:54 · answer #2 · answered by Mia1385 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hmm, thats interesting. I have seen a different dilemma where my friends and I are all devout Christians who don't believe in having sex before marriage. Several of my friends have gotten engaged and married with the parents not offering to pay for anything. In several cases the parents said they would rather the couple live together for a few years and then get married with the parents paying for rent or etc rather than helping to pay for a wedding at all. My friends aren't young and didn't rush into engagements so I found this weird especially since none of the children wanted to have sex before marriage and didn't want to live together. Its also caused problems because even though the parents aren't helping to pay they still expect their family and friends to get invited and their engagements are now years long.
I think this might be working both ways.
2007-07-02 00:30:13 · answer #3 · answered by newjerseygirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's a very strange concept to me that the bride's parents would not pay for the entire wedding..or at least part of it that they could afford. Personally, people should KNOW their daughter will get married one day and already have money set aside for it...regardless of her age. And what is this about being an "adult"?! Marriage sends you straight into adulthood...in the fast lane. Making that decision automatically makes you an "adult"....whether you have the maturity to go along with it or not.
Those girls are really selfish. That is the most horrible reason to get married that I have ever heard...and to just expect a divorce?! You still get all the same fabulous presents and parties when you wait for the right one..oh plus that little thing of knowing you really want to spend the rest of your life with someone and don't have to worry about going through the process of getting a divorce.
Clearly they don't see it as a "commitment" at all..it is just some party for them..they are just "playing house". Well, it sucks when you wake up and want a life.
2007-07-01 16:45:29 · answer #4 · answered by Jamie C 2 · 2⤊ 2⤋
The actual problem, I think, is that the bride thought it's okay to get married for the sake of the wedding party and not worry about the actual marriage that comes out of it. I mean, that thought occured to me when I was 8 and liked to dress up with a lace table cloth on my head, but I got over it well before I was old enough to be allowed to get married. heh. Although if I had a daughter like that, I'd tell her I'd pay if she waited until she was 25.
2007-07-01 16:27:41 · answer #5 · answered by Ambivalence 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well, paying for weddings. As a dad, i set a limit. PERIOD!!!
That limit was dollar wise not when. Could give a rats but about when, just not going to spend thousands and thousands of dollars that could be better spent on life's necessities rather than blowing an excessive amount of money for a party. I had paid for my own wedding, and it was simple and elegant.
As i see the problem; it is the same as most things in life. Trying to out do the Jone's. To many people not thinking about the future, only the here and now. I have see to many bridezillas out there. There are too many people out there trying to sell a load of goods, that more will make you happy, and that if you don't blow 15 - 20 thousand dollars on a wedding, then why bother. 15 grand is a really nice down payment on a house!!! That would be a better investment in the future than wasting it on a wedding. In stead of competing to spend the most money on a wedding, their should be a competition to be frugal, and get a certain amount of value not spending willy nilly just to be spending money.
2007-07-01 16:44:11 · answer #6 · answered by mhp_wizo_93_418 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't think most people would get married for the free party and gifts...that's probably a very special woman you've got on your hands.
I think it depends how old you are. If you are like 30 something, then you should be paying for most of your wedding because you are probably well established in your career and probably making more money than your retired parents are. But it you are in your 20s and fresh out of school, poor and your parents can afford to pay, then they should.
2007-07-01 16:59:39 · answer #7 · answered by . 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feels sorry for the grooms. I think parents should put money aside for a wedding gift, it should not matter what age they get married at, and it should not matter if it is your daughter or your son. The gift can be given before or after the wedding.
Parents are sending a bad message that the "gift" if only if you can't stand on your own two feet.
2007-07-01 16:37:25 · answer #8 · answered by no_frills 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have been on the Internet for over a year planning a wedding and talking to brides. Not one time have I heard of this. You must live in an area where young women have low mentalities.
I do not worry at all about parents sending a wrong message. I worry about dumb @ss brides who would marry just so Mama and Daddy would pay for their wedding. How stupid are they???
2007-07-01 16:18:48 · answer #9 · answered by Ruth 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
this is how i see it in my head. daughters should get a wedding paid by their parents once in their lives. or should expect just once. (some parents are more well off or just want to pay for another one). i think when people have kids, certain obligations are expected. i know parents do not HAVE to pay for college, but parents should want them to and have some sort of plan set up. that is how i see weddings. parents need to have saved up for them, even a little something. 5k sounds reasonable to me, if the daughter wants more she can help. so in the future, when or if i have a daughter ( i keep saying daughter because my son's bride has a family, it is their job :o but i am sure i will still help out) she will wedding number one paid for by me. i do not care if she is 22 or 33 or whatever (as long as she does not go crazy and want little people dancing around like in the wizard of oz or anything over the top.)
it sounds like the people you are catering to are very....immature and should not be getting married in the first place. i happened to find mr right fast in my life and got married. i would never have gotten married for any other reason. if i was you, i would talk to their parents. they should know they are footing the bill to a marriage that was made out of a party and presents. it must not be fun catering to people who see marriage in this light and it would make me sad. i was 22 when i got married, but i was no where near a brat like these girls.
it makes me wonder why the grooms are getting married though.
2007-07-01 16:13:18 · answer #10 · answered by Christina V 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋