Boyfriend is quiet?

Question

I've been dating my boyfriend for ten months. We get along fine, and have fun together. However, sometimes his quietness gets to me. When we are walking outside, at times we'll walk in silence without a words. We can go to a restaurant and he'll sit there for a long time starring at me before he says anything. Or he'll sit there on the couch, think, but not say anything to me. I don't really know what's on his mind. The only time he talks is when I seem upset, or if it is about us. Other than that he doesn't really tell me much about him.

It also makes me feel insecure.

Answer 1

I think it's just part of his personality. Just try making coments about anything and ask him questions more.

Answer 2

WOW,, very odd that most women as I understand, would want a guy who does not say much but listens a lot. My suggestion is first pay attention to his actions. Actions speak louder than words. He is perhaps just a none talkative person but in fact may be the one who loves you more than anyone in the world. You can start conversations with him so he can get used to speaking more,, especially with you. Ask him what is he thinking about and hear and listen to what he says. Some people won't speak much and others you just can't shut them up. So they talk and talk and really say nothing. Others don't say much but when they say something it is often the best words you've ever heard. If he looks at you perhaps he is just studying you. When he does speak, are they hurtful words? probably not. Pay more attention to how he treats you than what how much he talks to you. Sit next to him and get close to him, speak with him, Suggest some activities to do with him which will get him to speak with you more. Really his silence is not a bad thing, but then you decide if you can live with that part of him or not. If has been that way most of his life then it is the way he is,, but if something happened in his life that caused such change in him then perhaps there is a solution to get him to say more. Ask him if he has always been that quiet. Again it really does not seem like a bad thing. As for the insecured part of you.. I don't understand why you feel insecured. Perhaps he is feeling more insecured than you by being of afraid to say the wrong thing to you. Think about that also.

Answer 3

Are you guys really close? My boyfriend was like that for 6 months into the relationship because we werent really close yet. We talked about school, friends, family, etc, but nothing personal or about the relationship. Then one day, I told him how I felt and that I wanted to have an actual relationship because it felt one-sided. He then opened up and told me he was just shy and wasnt ever sure on what to say. Tell him how you feel and that you would like him to talk more, but if he says he's not comfortable or something, then give him more time. I know 10 months is a long time of silence, but he might just tell you the reason. Good Luck!

Answer 4

I've had the same problem with my man!!! It took him years to break down and start talking to me because I told him how much it upset me. It seemed like I was the last person on earth he wanted to talk to! This made me insecure also. I found out later that it's just that men like to talk really only when it's about something. They can go on forever about sports statistics. Maybe he just feels that he really has nothing relevant to say to you...althoug I'm sure in your mind, ANYTHING he'd have to say would be great!

Just talk to him about it. I don't know if things can change to the way you'd like them, but any improvement in the talking department would be much appreciated. Once he starts to feel more comfortable with talking to you about some things, this might open the door to him talking more intimately about other things in his life.

Like I said, it took my husband awhile to change, but he did. Even though that's true, there are still many times in which I do most of the talking and he just listens. That's fine too!

Answer 5

I wasn't going to answer this one, but there were a few recommendations that I feared you might take, so here goes.
I am a man, so this is from a man's perspective. Women can talk about anything, in fact, they seem to love to fill the silence with chatter. However charming this may be to women, it drives most men nuts. We say something when we think something needs to be said. Do we talk amongst us "guys" about things? Yes, but even then only when it pertains to an exchange of information on a specific topic. We can go for hours walking through the woods or sitting side by side in a car and not say a word. We get comfort by having someone's company, not from hearing them talk about things that really don't matter to us. We are action based creatures who respond to stimulus, but seldom want to talk about what someone "may have meant by the way they said something".

If your boyfriend is sitting there beside you on the couch and isn't saying anything...it's only because you're not listening. What he's saying to you is that he feels good, that he's comfortable being there with you. So don't spoil it by asking him "what's wrong". If you do, he'll soon learn to "not" sit beside you because you'll ask him what's wrong...get it? If there is something wrong, he'll tell you. If you think there is something wrong, just side up next to him and take his hand, or put your hand on his lap, etc. If he pushes you away...there's something wrong. If he holds your hand or puts his hand on yours, then there is nothing wrong and your man loves your company. Silence is not the absence of attention, it's the projection of peace...learn to enjoy it, or go out with the girls so you can talk yourself hoarse...but don't push him away by constantly asking if there is something wrong just because he doesn't feel the need to fill the silence with idle chatter.

Answer 6

Be happy that he still looks at you when you do talk. Go out to a car show, or side walk sale, do things that will make conversation. Take turns to do something you like each week.
See if he is motivated enough to do so. together or with friends. He might open up this way. Gives both of you a chance to talk about happy and positive things going on in your lives.
Good Luck.

Answer 7

just ask him do you need to talk about something or just right out of the blue ask him what he is thinking about at this very minute if he says nothing you should say no literarly tell me the truth dont lie to me but tell me what your thinking he just may come clean...but if he says nothing again ask him if something is wrong or if something bad happened you tell him how you feel about his quietness and just maybe he will come out and tell you acactly what has been on his mind...even though you have been goin out for ten months maybe in public he is still a little shy around you and that is okay...

Answer 8

Personally, if your boyfriend has always been like this, then you should re-think how you truly feel about your relationship. You have been dating for quite sometime, and if this is his personality, then so be it. You might need someone that is more outgoing, and will be more open to verbal communication. I find it refreshing, when my husband and I can sit with each other quietly, and just enjoy each others company. However, you might need to feel more secure with someone that enjoys talking more often

Answer 9

I was scrolling down when I seen this comment that I thought was a little "lengthy" so I read it and I have to agree with Kevin, silence can be so meaningful and special and it should be embraced.On the other hand if you can't appreciate that time and maybe find yourself bored, then you should definitely tell him how you feel.

Answer 10

Sometimes men have trouble talking about themselves, or being the life of any conversation. That could be his problem. Also he probably knows that some women can't be trusted therefore he doesn't want to open up about himself. He must like you, after all you have been together for awhile.

Answer 11

You need to let him know that his lack of conversation bothers you. Try to come up w/some way that you two can resolve this dilemma. Maybe he doesn't realize that he is so quiet. If there isn't an answer then maybe you should start shopping around for someone else.