I'm out of a long-term relationship and I know I have to go out and meet people rather than dwell on the past. The people I meet, we hang out casually (not "casual sexually", guys...casually). I'm not ready for a new relationship and I make that known, but the people must see something in me or what I do/say that just makes them glom on like I'm "the one" or something. I would LOVE to find that person again, but I'm not ready. I can't seem to heal and get out in the world because I can't go hang out with someone without them, like, wanting a future together..no matter their age. What makes so many people see "their future" in me? I'm successful, but not set. I'm not ugly. I care for people, but I'm also fun. I just want to go hang out not alone sometimes, but it seems that being alone keeps me from hurting more people, so I feel trapped. HELP! Maybe it's the fact that I DON'T show too much interest and I'm trying to be fine by myself that makes me a "challenge"?
2007-07-01 06:39:48 · 8 answers · asked by rlfesty 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Oh heck. You're really going through it mate.
Maybe you should just hang out with the guys for a while. Just do guy stuff, hang out with them & get some confidence & peace over your past relationship.
Staying alone so you don't hurt others doesnt sound great. If you do hang out with girls, just be really honest & tell them. Most girls are fine with a guy being really up front. Say how you feel & tell them you don't want to get into another relationship because you're not ready. Be open with people & share your feelings with them. If they are worth having as friends, they will understand & stick around. If they dont, then they werent worth having as friends in the 1st place.
Good luck with this difficult time.
2007-07-05 09:31:45 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a nice guy, so here's some free advice: Sit down and figure out "why" you think you're not ready for another relationship. I hear this all the time, "I'm just not ready..." yeah? If not now, when? The reality is that tomorrow is not promised to anyone, and every minute you spend dwelling on a mistake, a failed relationship, what "might" happen again, etc., is one more minute wasted. If God were to come down to you right now, this very minute, and say, "Son, you have 6 months left to live." Would you worry about hurting someone by your death 6 months from now, or would you live like you only had 6 months to wear yourself out? Wake up! This "is" your wakeup call! Grab yourself by your bootstraps and get your butt off the couch and go out and start having yourself a good time with the first, second and third good looking woman who even remotely has any interest in you. You'll soon be having so much fun you'll forget why you waited and wasted so much precious time wallowing in the dumps. Live life as if you didn't know if you were going to wake up tomorrow, because in reality, you don't know! If you need more inspiration, look up Rudyard Kipling's poem "If" and pay close attention to the last stanza. If you can live your life as described in that poem, I guarantee you'll have a full one, no matter how many days you have left.
2007-07-08 23:36:28 · answer #2 · answered by Kevin S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the killer combo, friend.
You have sustained a long term relationship
You are currently single
You are clear on your terms "not ready to be in a committed relationship again"
This is the high definition flower to a female bee. They can sense you from miles away and will buzz around you constantly.
My advice is to enjoy the attention and attraction, continue the casual interaction and maintain your terms of not being ready date any one woman exclusively. You will meet and interact with fascinating women and they will be fulfilled, in meeting and holding the attention of a guy with the "combo".
I have no other insight or advice, other than - be leery of the 'fix up'. Especially your friends trying to set you up with women you have heard them complain about. I don't know what it is, when you become single, suddenly your friends decide to match you with every social misfit in sight.
Good luck to you ~
2007-07-09 12:40:31 · answer #3 · answered by yoak 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You seem like a really cool cat. And it sounds like you have no problems with attracting women. Dont feel trapped man, if you're not ready for relationship, then so be it! And for god's sake, dont seclude yourself for the sake of not hurting someone's feelings. Be happy,go hang out, do you. You have to be happy before you can make someone else happy! Ya Dig?
2007-07-09 01:15:15 · answer #4 · answered by bigboyy20de 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop dwelling on the past and I know it is easy to say that but you must actually decide it and convince yourself that life must go on....good that you have taken the in between stage and not run from one to another ...in search of love....but do, go and enjoy life and slowly it will come back...don't worry so much about it ....when someone really worth your time and day, if you are out to meet "friends" not sex partners you will find one to suit your needs and he too will be there ...you are not in a movie of sex and the city.....good luck and be patient...when someone good comes along you will be ready....
2007-07-09 10:55:45 · answer #5 · answered by frieda l 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, the fact that your doing things yourself, is definately attractive. Maybe just hang out with some friends of the same sex. Or if your gay, the opposite. Maybe you should find some equally attractive, successfull,hang out by themselves type of person. Hope this helps. PEACE
2007-07-01 13:48:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly what you mean. It happens to me all the time. No sooner do i manage to get out of a relationship when another one comes knocking on my door. I don't want it... but its there. Go into hiding... maybe they will go away. LOL... good luck!!
2007-07-09 01:03:36 · answer #7 · answered by Becca24 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i luv u
2007-07-01 13:43:29 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋