I have been in a 2yr relationship with my boyfriend & we were going to get married in Aug. Just a month ago he told me there was a possibility that he might be a father.This woman that he dated a while back now comes telling him that she has a 4yrold and that is his.When they were dating she dissapered from one day to another and now she comes back & tells him that she wants him to met the boy because is his. According to her she is going back to where she was because she has started a life somewhere else and that she has a partner.He accepted me with my 7yr old son but, now I don't know what I should do, do I continue with my plans or just give up on him.I am so confused,I love him but i feel betrayed because I feel that he probably knew this and he waited to tell me so if anyone please give me adviceThank you .appreciate it.He has been a great father figure for my son there is no doubt about that.He is my soulmate & I can't see my life without him.
2007-07-01 05:27:25 · 38 answers · asked by Lina C 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Just ask him if knew of this possibility prior to this happening. Hopefully he'll tell the truth. If he says he didn't. There really isn't much either of you can do. I would make sure and get a test done to see if it really is his. Good luck.
2007-07-01 05:31:49 · answer #1 · answered by dudley997997 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Why would you give up on him? He may not have known or maybe he was unsure & it was too painful for him to discuss. His possible child's mother seems flighty and some women are KNOWN for having kids & not informing the potential father that they are even pregnant or have given birth. I don't understand why you would feel betrayed b/c this child is 4 years old and you two had only been together for 2. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt. If he is all of these wonderful things you need to woman up & be there for him like he is there for your son. It's the right and fair thing to do.You can't throw a relationship away b/c of this type of situation, it makes your love appear questionable. If you are about to say those vows, for better or for worse, you need to mean them! I don't know why you are confused. I don't really feel that you are confused. I think it just upsets you that this woman came around and he may have fathered another child but none the less, things happen & you should not hold this against him. He apparently loves you dearly & you obviously feel the same so please hold no hard feelings & discuss with him how you feel but don't walk away..You make be making a huge mistake!
2007-07-09 03:48:28 · answer #2 · answered by Unique Soul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He may have a 4 year old son with this other person. Also she may be just trying to get him to support this child that may not be his. He should do the paternity test thing first. He may not have known about this. It would be easy for a lady to get pregnant and leave without the father ever knowing. So go easy on him. He is telling you about this and not trying to hide it. So trust him until you find out otherwise. Ok, now if the paternity test turns out that he is indeed the father, what does this lady want from him? She has a partner so its not like she wants him back. I guess if it were me in your shoes and if I loved him and he was treating me and my child right, then continue with the wedding. So what if you have a child with someone else and he does also. If he loves you and wants to marry you and is a great person, then you have to accept the things in which you cannot change. Good luck. Dont let a good guy get away. They are hard to find.
2007-07-01 05:36:21 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you just answered the question with your last statement. "He has been a great father figure for my son there is no doubt about that.He is my soulmate & I can't see my life without him."
A lot of guys have a one night stand.. or even a relationship that turns sour where the girl does not feel confident or comfortable enough to tell him she is pregnant. He sounds like a good guy, she has a life somewhere else and isn't asking for him to come back to her.. she just thought he should know. So, I think you should stay with him, but make sure your son is okay with the marriage.
2007-07-01 05:32:30 · answer #4 · answered by Danielle 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Honey, you love him....this is a past relationship....don't think that he knew about his son....I can't imagine him being your soul mate and he not telling you something like that...and even if he did maybe he just made a bad judgement call, we've all done it.....Leave what's in the past in the past! How do you know this child is his? Has he had a paternity test done? I would highly reccommend that, especially if she kept popping in and out of his life....unfortunately, today woman just want a daddy for their children and will sometimes pick the guy that they know they shouldn't have let get away or the one that's the most stable, or has the most money.....it's not right, but it happens...I'm not saying that this is what she's doing but you should be sure before anyone, especially the child, gets too attached to one another....It would be a horrible thing to find out in the future that he was never the father....that would be tramatic for the child, your fiance, you, your son, and all else involved....Just suggest the test in a calm manner, so he doesn't think you're freaking out....be patient honey...it will all work out....Most importantly, talk to him....if you can't talk to him about this, how do you expect to communicate well when you're married?? You're in my prayers....
2007-07-09 02:37:22 · answer #5 · answered by Julie S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi Lina,
I'm giving you a star, for an excellent question. And hoping it motivates you to keep an open mind and not end a potentially strong relationship over a surprise like this.
Please don't assume he kept this from you. It is probably just as much a surprise to him as it has been for you. Communicate with him. Has he given you any reason to assume he has been in contact with this woman? Has he been disappearing for periods of time and unable to account for his wherabouts? It sounds like the relationship was over and this is coming at him from left field. He was planning a life with you and this has just surfaced.
If he is a positive strong role model for your son, he is obviously striving to be a father, or preparing himself to be.
Find out through a paternity test if he is the biological father.
If he is, have a conversation with him - is he being asked to provide child support? Is he being asked to take an active role in the child's life?
If he is going to share custody, give him time to get to know his son. Give him some space to become accustomed to his new role. Then, when you decide the time is right, introduce your children in a non-pressure setting. A park or ice cream parlor, for a brief visit. Then gradually put the children together for longer periods of time, so they get use to one another.
My guess is your mother's heart will find space for this new child. It may not happen overnight, but when you see this man playing with both of them and spending time with both of them it will be easier for you to appreciate the situation.
Please communicate with him, with no other family members present, no outside influences. Ask him what his plans are, now a new member of the family might be in the picture. From the sound of it, he is already considering your feelings and the impact it would have on your child.
Give him the chance to speak with you and make this decision together. Don't leave it up to anonymous family members or our opinions. Take these suggestions into mind, and then come up with the best decision together and give yourselves time to get use to it before you go through with the marriage.
I wish you all the best ~
2007-07-09 03:28:34 · answer #6 · answered by yoak 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
get the facts,, find out the truth then decide if you should go on and marry him or not. The truth can hurt alot so be prepared. These things happen so don't feel alone. This could be a test of your love for this man as well as his willingness to be honest with you,, it is also a test of his love for you. So how much do you really love him and how much does he love you and both of you are willing to go on with a future with together. Only you can accept it or not. This is regardless of what anyone of us or all of us can suggest to you. It is your life you decide what will work for you and your son. He (your sone) is and should be the most important person in your life.,, bottom line. Best of luck to you all.
2007-07-09 01:32:47 · answer #7 · answered by jorge e 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course continue on with ur plans in starting a new life.That was his past, n if he had a son b4 u had one too and he accepted so its totally fine. Also as she has left now it should not be a problem at all. Come on its nothing u r just getting nervous n second thoughts as ur big day is coming close. Also ask him to do a paternity test to really prove if that's his son or not. He's urz now as he proposed to u n doesnt care about his ex as he didnt even care that if he had a son or not.
GOOD LUCK............
2007-07-01 05:37:37 · answer #8 · answered by Ash 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She may be lying for one. You will not know until you get a pertinity test. I would not let a little thing like this ruin your plans. He may not have known did you ask him if he had known. Since she was in and out of the picture he may not of known about the child and if he did know he probably did not think he would every see the child. This is big news but i would not let it ruin your plans. If it turns out to be his just support him and try to accept the child like he accepted yours.
You guys do need to talk about things though. I would not give up on him or give up on the wedding you guys can work through this.
GOOD LUCK.
2007-07-01 05:35:31 · answer #9 · answered by knowssignlanguage 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you feel this guy is your soul mate, go ahead marry the guy. Keep in mind that there is a good possibility he knew about the kid. I guess you can expect other surprises down the road. Sometime you are not betrayed by the person, but your own heart because it doesn't allow you to see or think clearly. Good Luck
2007-07-08 22:23:11 · answer #10 · answered by Rafa 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You shouldn't feel betrayed, he never found out he might have a 4 year old son until recently!
If I were you, I'd suggest before he does ANYTHING for that girl and the kid, that there is a paternity test done. If he's the father, work it out. If he's not the father you have nothing to worry about!
IF HE can accept YOUR child, then YOU should be able to accept HIS child (IF its his!)!!
2007-07-01 05:45:03 · answer #11 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋