2007-07-01 04:23:59 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
why did the pig cross the playground?
2007-07-01 04:27:42 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
My absoulute favorite joke!!!!!
During a Papal audience, a business man approached the Pope and made this offer: Change the last line of the Lord's prayer from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." and KFC will donate 10 million dollars to Catholic charities. The Pope declined. 2 weeks later the man approached the Pope again. This time with a 50 million dollar offer. Again the Pope delcined. A month later the man offers 100 million, this time the Pope accepts. At a meeting of the Cardinals, The Pope announces his decision in the good news/bad news format. The good news is... that we have 100 million dollars for charities. The bad news is that we lost the Wonder Bread account!
lol, Kelli
2007-07-01 11:28:12 · answer #2 · answered by Love Me Tender* 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not a joke, but I think is kind of funny.
How to get rid of a solicitor
1)As soon as they mention their product say ,"I'm not looking for one of those at the minute , but my cat is. I will put him on." Then make purring noises on the phone. Perhaps simulate a fur ball.
2)Ask them what they dreamed of being when they were little. Chances are it wasn't "working in a call center" which will make it easy for you to point out that they are a failure.
3)Try repeating, laughing or asking "Why?" to everything they say. These are all very powerful methods as they require no skill, creativity or thought on your part what-so-ever, merely a steely resolve to annoy your caller.
4)Tell them they have got a great voice and you would like to hire them to do voice over work. Even go as far as arranging an audition to waste as much of their life as possible, preferably on a day when they will have to take time off from work.
5)Ask them if they are selling something. After they have said something like "Oh, no, no, no !", say earnestly ,"That's too bad, what a shame, I LOVE BUYING things over the phone," and hang up.
6)Tell them you are too busy right now, but if they leave their home phone number, you will be glad to call them back. Then say, "Oh ,you don't want to be bothered at home, now you see how I feel?"
2007-07-01 13:01:35 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A blind guy on a bar stool shouts to the bartender, "Wanna hear a blonde joke?"
In a hushed voice, the guy next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, you should know something."
Our bartender IS blonde, the bouncer is blonde. I'm a 6' tall, 200 lb black belt. The guy sitting next to me is 6'2", weighs 225, and he's a rugby player. The fella to your right is 6'5" pushing 300 and he's a wrestler. Each one of US is blonde. Think about it, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind guy says, "Nah, not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
2007-07-01 11:37:23 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 7⤊ 0⤋
three men get lost in a forest. they get attacked by cannibals and said we will kill you and eat you all if you dont pass 2 tests. the first test is you have to go into the forest and get 10 of any fruit and bring it back for the second part. the first guy comes back with 10 apples and is given the second test. the cannibals say that they are going to shove all 10 apples up his but and is he so much as winces in pain they will kill him. the first one goes in no problem but on the second one he winces and they kill him. the next guy comes back with berries and upon hearing the test is ready thinking it'll be easy. they put in the berries and they start going in real easy nall the way up to 8. they put the 9th one in and he bursts out laughing. the first guy and the second guy are in heaven and the first guy says to the second guy "Why did you laugh you were so close to getting out alive?" Then the second guy says " I couldn't help it. I saw the last guy coming back with pinneapples."
2007-07-01 11:34:04 · answer #5 · answered by da_jtac_0 2 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Don't get me started. O.k., this lady was looking in the mirror one morning and said to her husband,' My butt is too big and sagging, my breast don't look perky any more, and my face is getting wrinkles in it. I'm going to pot. Isn't there anything left that's good about me? " The husband says. "Well, you still got good eye sight." The Doc says he will be out of intensive care tomorrow.
2007-07-01 11:54:56 · answer #6 · answered by Jackolantern 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did the chicken cross the road????
to get to the other side...hahahaha jk lol
okay okay okay ....why did the gum cross the road??
cuz it was stuck on the chickens foot!! hahahaha
sorry that's the only one I know. Not much of a joke teller.
2007-07-01 11:27:24 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
3 men were hanging from a old rope dangling from the edge of a cliff. If one of them did not let go, the rope would break, and they would all fall and die. One was a pastor, and he said he would let go, and gave a touching speech about how he was not afraid and would go to heaven. they all clapped.
Hope you like it!
2007-07-01 17:44:34 · answer #8 · answered by ashley 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It was the summer of 1969... The summer of Love.
Jamie was going on a date with her boyfriend, when her dad asked where they were planning to go. "Oh, I guess we'll go dancing, dad." was her reply, and she went upstairs to get dressed.
A few minutes later, Johnny pulled up on his new Ford.
Jamie's dad met him up front. He asked the boy where he was planning to take his daughter. "I dunno," replies Johnny.
Dad replies, "Why don't you go screw?"
"HUH???" replies Johnny.
"You know, Screw!!! I heard all the kids are doing it nowadays."
Well! Johnny's mood suddenly brightened!
A minute later, Jamie comes down the stairs in a cute mini-skirt. "Let's go," she tells Johnny.
A few minutes later, an infuriated Jamie slams the door of the house. She screams, "DAMMIT, DADDY!!! IT'S CALLED THE TWIST, NOT THE SCREW!!!!"
2007-07-01 11:37:29 · answer #9 · answered by Gamer_Nikko™ 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hmmmm...well this isn't meant to be offensive but it's just something my dad used to say to us growing up back in the 70's and 80's so here goes...everytime, and I mean EVERYTIME, we would drink iced tea my dad would say "Did you hear about the Indian??" punchline is.... He drank so much tea he drowned in his tea pee!!
I know it's so corny but it's funny to me plus the fact that he said it EVERYTIME we drank tea. We just knew it was coming!
2007-07-01 11:29:06 · answer #10 · answered by six3x 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
How can you tell if your girl friend is to fat?
When she sits on your face and you cant hear the radio.
2007-07-01 11:29:39 · answer #11 · answered by zerd12000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋