Why is tattling wrong?

Question

I was at a family event yesterday and saw a child tell his mother about something bad his brother was doing. The mother laid into him for tattling and then went to deal with the brother's misdeed. I've seen this situation many times in my life where the tattler gets in trouble for tattling and I really don't understand why that's wrong. In this case, the mother punished the tattler, but then made use of his information. When I was a kid, there was an old lady in our neighborhood who would call your mom if she saw you smoking on the corner or hanging out with the wrong crowd or whatever and then when you got home, you'd really get it. So why is it that kids are taught not to tattle, but adults are encouraged to speak up when they see someone doing something wrong or acting suspiciously?

Answer 1

I think it depends on the situation. And some parents really don't want to get bothered sometimes. But there are children who tell too much on things that don't really matter bc either they're not getting hurt or hurting anyone. So I think it depends on the situation. Some parents are wrong in that. My kids tattle and sometimes it's good but there are times when they will just say oh he's got a stick or something and they only tell because they want what the other kid has. So much to consider on this one. Maybe I should add I don't get mad at my kids for tattling. I am glad they do. It keeps me informed of what's going on when I am busy taking care of the house. So it does depend on the parent I guess. I used to wonder the same thing.

Answer 2

There is a difference between "tattling" and "telling." I can't place myself in the situation or in that mother's head, but as a parent and educator, this is what I think children need to learn.
Tattling is when children are telling on another child just to get them into trouble, or to gain some personal favor or treatment, when what the other child is doing is not harmful to anyone. For example, little brother telling on big brother for chewing gum after Mom has told them both not to chew gum would be tattling. No one is in danger here, and while big brother is making a choice that defies Mom, that choice is between Mom and big brother and there is no need for little brother to be involved. "Telling" is when there is an immediate danger to self or others, such as if big brother is playing with matches or bullying. Children should be encouraged to tell, not tattle.
This is an important distinction for children to learn and should be reinforced with them often. In the situation you described above, I would have liked to see it turned into a teaching opportunity and not a screaming match. As kids get older, the "issues" they debate telling their parents about become bigger and more serious, and honestly, I'd rather have a teenager that tattles too much than doesn't tell enough.
No parent, including myself, is perfect, but instead of screaming when a child tattles, ask the child if they are tattling or telling before they talk to you. After hearing what they say, I try not to respond to the tattling with any response at all, or at least not let the tattler know that I've responded to what they told me. If the told me something I needed to know, I thank them. If my younger one tattles, I encourage him to talk to his older brother about what he's doing without threatening him. Sometimes, children can teach each other too.

Answer 3

Sometimes telling on someone can be life-saving, I don't see that as doing wrong. However there are some compulsive tattlers who say every little thing that you do or say (that's not okay). If you see someone doing something very wrong that could end up hurting themselves or others then you should let someone know immed. You might get in trouble for it or you might not it depends but it'll be worth it to keep someone else from getting hurt or even killed.

Answer 4

~~~Tattling is wrong if a child is doing it for attention, tattling on little things,,,,,if someone is in danger though,,then tattling is good. In this case where the mother scolded the child for tattling,and then used it against the other child,,,,the mother was wrong to scold the tattler,,,,,,

Answer 5

Do I remember those days!!!! And we did not like that nosy person who called mom. Kids do blow things out of proportion, big time that is where their minds are at, they are not adult minds that see things a little bit clearer. I understand what you are saying and it is a good point, so why do the adults not speak up, bottom line they do not care to do so.

Answer 6

You are correct. Tattling is not wrong. That mother is, like many, ignorant.