I want to know the best way to tell my dad...?

Question

That i don't want to be muslim anymore. The touble is, is that he has the usual arabs temper so he wont accept it, and i'm 14 so it'll take me 4 more years till i can leave home. He thinks that i am not leaving home till i get married, as if, but my mum is christian, has not told him yet and she says that as soon as i hit 18 i should leave home and get out of dubai and live the normal life that a girl should live.
I also have a boyfriend and if my dad found out i would be dead, but my bf and i can hardly see eachother because my dad doesn't let me out of the house. Which is another annoying thing, i cant go to sleepovers.
As you can see, i'm pretty much not liking the religion as there are more restrictions than freedoms. HELP!!!!

Answer 1

I feel for you. I was raised in a very strict home... and left at 15, not ready to deal with what life had to offer, and learned some very hard lessons. Your situation is very difficult and must have been strange growing up in a home that has 2 very different religions, with some very different ideas and guidelines.
At 14 we all go through a type of rebellion, trying to find ourselves, and sometimes we make mistakes. Most we can resolve through living, others aren't so easy resolved NONETHELESS we make the choice so we have to deal with the consequences.
I agree with others that say wait 4 more years. Ultimately being in the care of your parents at 14 is better than any other situation, unless you have some type of abuse going on within your home. No one will love you like your parents will. You will be of legal age @ 18 and ultimately they will not be able to control what you say or do... right now they do. Better to keep your home situation as comfortable as possible. You have a great support through your mother...
As far as the rules... 14 is young... and many non Muslim parents would not allow a b/f at that age, as well as sleepovers. Some do... but some don't. Your parents happen to be some that don't.
But love they are your parents and you have to try and respect where they are coming from and why they feel like they do.
I would ask about the sleepover situation again.. just to see what they say, explain that you are responsible and well provide them with full details about the persons address, number etc.
Ultimately love your parents, they sound like they LOVE you and are just trying to protect you. They aren't perfect but one day you'll appreciate why they do what they do, even if it seems hard right now.
Best wishes...

Answer 2

Tough one. Be careful about the bf. If your dad thinks you are sneaky and telling him lies, he will take any little freedom you have away. I am sorry you are in this situation, but I don't think telling him you do not want to be a muslim is a good plan at all, no matter how you do it. You know him best so you know it won't fly, no matter how great you put it. If you were in America, you could petition to live with your mother. I am not sure what the family laws are like where you are. In the meantime, get good grades and get out of there to college, then like you said, you will be an adult and can make your own decisions. Until then, hang in there. I can't think of any magic wand, but I wish I could. I wish you the very best.

Answer 3

As much as I would like to say you should leave behind any religion that delegates you to a piece of property to the men in your life, I have to tell you that the feelings you have right now are normal for any teen. Christian girls also chomp at the bit of their religion. The difference being that most girls aren't facing death.

Leaving your family behind at such a young age is so hard, I'm surprised your mother is suggesting it. What was she thinking when she got involved with this man and had female children, what a terrible place she has put you in.

The best I can suggest is the same thing I would suggest to any kid with the same kind of issue, if you take out the religion, you aren't really any different than any other teen who's parents use religion and fear to control their kids.

Do what you have to to get what you need from him to support yourself. If you can talk him into sending you away for an education, then you can simply walk away and not look back. Otherwise, I hope your mother has the means and a game plan to save you. A "normal" girl still needs to eat, and if she is suggesting you run away from your father, I hope she is able to support you financially to do that. You cannot survive in the world without an education, you will not like the life you will be forced to lead. It also makes you vunerable to anyone who would take advantage of you.

Good luck. Be safe. Get rid of the b/f and protect yourself. As we see it here in the US, you are nothing to your father and your male relatives and killing you means nothing. Don't put yourself in jepordy.


Just to add a note, I don't think the people answering you understand that your father may be honor bound to kill you by his religion and social customs. Unlike a regular dad who says "I'll kill you if you do that again!" and may be saying it in jest (a bad jest but one none the less), your father can actually and may be forced to by his religious customs to end your life if you have dishonored him. Don't play with this.

Answer 4

Your mum is right. When you get older, you will have to escape. Not now. You are too young and vulnerable. Start thinking and begin a plan on how you are going to do it. Life is not good for your mum either. In the mean time do you have friends that share your thinking, to whom you can go for support? Is there any agency in Dubai that supports exploited women that you can go to? Don't allow the intolerable situation to cause you to make bad choices that will make your life worse. How many abused daughters have escaped via marriage only to find there situation got worse! You can survive. So survive for four more years and start making plans. What steps are necessary to get out of Dubai? Where will you go? How will you support yourself? If you have no skills, start right now to acquire what you can. Do something. Plan. That will give you hope. I wish you well. Is it truly safe to tell your Dad, or are you better off to plan in secret?

Answer 5

You're still young, just obey him until you reach the age of 18. Finish up your schooling, so, that what ever your decision that you make in the future, you won't regret. Education is the only thing, that you can protect yourself, an will help you a lot, to help show your father, that you can do better an will make you success-full. Having a boyfriend at your age, is like learning ABC's. But, you are still young to be serious about it, you can still meet a lot of them in your life. For now, just remain calm, and be a dutiful daughter, an stay out of trouble.

Answer 6

You are in a very tough situation Cat... I feel so lucky, so often, to live in Australia. Your father is only doing what he thinks is best and as a 14 year old, perhaps it's best that you concentrate more on being a kid than worrying about grown up stuff. It won't be long before you're considered an adult and then you can do what ever you want, be what ever you want, and most importantly, believe whatever you want. Your childhood is so short... live it before you leave it.

Answer 7

i really really dont think you should tell him right now...i mean you're only 14, you can't move out, he will kill you if he knows this. i think you should wait this 4 years, i know its very annoying, I understand but it's for the best, just pretend to be a good muslim girl and do as he says to make him happy. Plan ahead to move out in the next four years, sounds like your mom is on your side thats great :) wait till he is no longer in charge for you ok. It's for the best. let me know if i can help you with anything else. good luck x

Answer 8

Hie Catriona. Well to me it is better for you not to tell o your that if you are trying to change to a christian, at the age of 14 because, at this particular age is not good for to change untill you have reach to the age of 18 years old and that is the most suitable time for you to change because when you are in the age 18 you have every rights to do it and even your dad has came to stop too it will be difficult for him to it, because at the age of such you are a major and if he force you to stay as a muslim and won't let you to change, you can go to the police station and can also lodge a report against him, but when you are still under his roof then it is better for you to obey him and when you have reach to make your decision and leave the house then you have all the rights to do whatever you want. If your boyfriend love you alot and will also says he will marry to you then it is better for you to go with your mom's bless and for sure you'll live happily to it and won't be able to do it. Because when you are 18 you have all the rights and you can make your own choice to choose your own life partner and he can't make it, because in his thoughts that you have to marry the guy of his selection and you can do your own freedom and which he knows that the selection of the guy to him is that he has enough for you and will make you happy but he doesn't know that how bad if he feels about it and for sure you won't feel happy to live with him, so the best way is let the age of 18 comes then it is good for you to make your decision. Try this and hope it might help you.................

ALL THE BEST.................

Answer 9

At this point in your life, you are in a hard place. Respect your father, however, learn and grow in your belief, along with your mother, and soon as an opportunity for you to leave come, do so.

If your mother is keeping her new faith from your dad, I would advise you to do the same, because I have heard what has happened to many who went against the male in the family.

Do your best to wait until you are eighteen and then leave.

God Bless!

Answer 10

hmm @ 14 you really can't be doing much of anything else other than following your religion rules..and respecting your father. If you know already your dad would Flip out if he found out you wanted to leave at 18 and live life and that you have a b/friend...you probably wouldn't see the light of day until he marrys you off. Your best bet, is continue being honest with your mom, follow your dads rules..and Don't get caught having a boyfriend :(
Sorry you're having to live life this way...but I guess your father has his beliefs, thinking he knows whats best for you....but I definately wouldn't be approaching him with how you're feeling....you're likely to tick him off and you'll NEVER be allowed out of the house to even go grocery shopping..
GoodLuck, hang in there*~