My Family are so Stubborn!!??

Question

I can't stand it. When ever we have 'family get togethers' there is always fighting and arguing.

Last night we were talking about how Subway has low carb options. My Mum, Grandma, my Auntie & Uncle actually got into a fully heated argument about this.

I can't stand it. They all have to be right!! It drives me crazy. Usually I get up and leave the room but I couldn't do that last night (It was my Grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary).

What can I do to try and settle these heated discussions?

I've tried to tell them to stop arguing over it and just agree to disagree, but they don't stop!!

(I'm 17 btw)

Answer 1

Hi Wabby
What makes you think you have to "settle" things? You need to be aware that it is simplistically easy to be drawn into the victim mentality IMO. I used to really fret about family arguments, I mean get really upset. Then I realised I was just playing a role that I didn't need to play. Hey if they want to punch themselves out over a foot long sub %$#*kingwell let them. You will always love them but just try not to feel responsible for their errant ways. You seem like a really nice person Wabby. I don't care how old you are, you just sound like a nice human being.

Answer 2

Sounds like a case of post-adolescent sibling rivalry maybe? (omitting your grandma ofcourse).
I mean low carb options at subway? C'mon!! Maybe you're exactly right, they all want is to be right about everything discussed regardless of what is discussed.

I'd try to change the subject before it gets too heated or turns ugly otherwise I'd just leave the room and leave them to their own immature devices. Is isn't really your problem.

All else fails trivial pursuit is a good general knowledge tester, might bring them closer together and they can argue it out all they want as it comes with answsers! Maybe it'll make them realise their petty family arguments are just that....trivial.

Answer 3

You don't need to worry too long about your grandparents, how much longer can they live? Won't be arguing from the grave you know.

As far as your folks and aunt/uncle go, in a couple of years you can be away at college and you won't see them but a few times a year and then you don't have to worry about what they are arguing about either.

Some families communicate by arguing with each other. While it can be vicious it also can just be innocent banter. My immediate family (my adult daughters and their father, my ex) can drive other people out of the room, but you would never ever find a family more fiercely loyal as ours. Because we love each other, we can safely communicate like this, and we have all our children's lives.

My brothers and sisters fight like cats and dogs and someone is always offended and mad at someone else. They just simply are in competition for our mothers attention (even in middle age) and don't love each other enough to care to get along.

Your family is your family, and they probably have put up with a great deal in raising you. Cherish the moment that they are together to fight over Subway's fat gm's. All this will be is a distant memory sometimes soon, and you will talk about it and remember it fondly all your life.

Answer 4

There is nothing you, or anyone else, can do to directly change the behavior of another. You have only two choices, in the situation you describe. You can be a part of it, or not be a part of it. You are being a part of it, if you in anyway react to what is going on, including leaving the room, sitting there disapprovingly, or sitting there demurely in inner turmoil.

The key is emotional detachment, i.e., cease to have a stake in what is going on. Take the position of an observer. You may be amazed, at the impact you can have, if you truly don't care, if you have any impact at all.

Being emotionally detached does not mean you cannot participate in the conversation. Clearly, what you find unpleasant is the emotional attachment, everyone has to what is transpiring.

Emotional detachment, can be as contagious as emotional attachment.

Answer 5

Wabby,

The best thing you can do is to continue to leave the room, and REFUSE to be part of that NONSENSE. You are setting a good example and refusing to be PART of the PROBLEM, making an emphatic statement that with this generation, the BUCK STOPS HERE.

I do feel sorry that you cannot enjoy the company of your relatives though. I hope you have other relatives who are pleasant or at least maybe sometimes the ones you mention are pleasant and just try to enjoy those moments.

I am stuck in an airport with my DADDY waiting for our connecting fligh due to weather delays, tomorrow we are visiting a boarding school). As a result, I am EXTREMELY bored and asked my daddy to buy me some wireless internet access, but now that I am on Y!A I feel much better..

Thank you and good day

Answer 6

If you could see the way OUR family dinners go, I bet all of a sudden you will see 1. every family does these things in some way or another 2. it's funny about a week later. Look at the funny side, they were fighting about subway sandwiches, that's funny. Let them go at it and you just ignore it. Our family dinners go something like this...I'm expected to drive the grandmother to the dinner (everytime) and that puts me in a bad mood, so that's how I arrive, my daughter is starving, my mother's boyfriend walks out half way through the dinner sais "he will be back" and doesn't come back (he's been doing that for years), one of my sisters and I don't talk and I swear she gives me dirty looks across the table, grandma drives my mother crazy...trust me everyone has these things.So my advice to you is there is nothing to fix. And sometimes it can actually be quite funny.

Answer 7

Is it possible that your seeing this differently then they are?

Some people just like what is also referred to as lively debates and yes sometimes they get heated.

It's fun and entertaining to some people. Unless it causes hurt feelings among the participants, thats probably all it is.

However if you think its more then that, try asking your mom when she is alone why she participates in those types of arguments/debates when it clearly makes others not in them uncomfortable.

You may be surprised at her response. Once you see it from her perspective you may change the way you look at them.

Answer 8

First dont engage on the conversation. You know what you know and that is final. If it creates frustration and anxiety for you to be around this negative talk, mentally start thinking other thoughts, like what am i going do with the rest of my life, what am i going to order, what greater purpose can i serve. You cant change them, but you can decide and be in control of you perceive the situation and your inner peace. Some great web searches include mental visualization, inner harmony amongst a dysfunctional family. It really is mind over matter. What their concerns are, are of no matter to you. You have a life to plan and live to its fullest. Love them and find the goodness in them but dont engage in their idiosynchroncities.

Answer 9

Hello, Wabby.

You've received your answer so far, so I am not going to bother answer to this question.

I am here to let you know I visited apple store yesterday and checked on your issue. Unfortunately, all Macbooks are designed with a sharp edge, so you will need to adjust yourself a little bit... Gradually you will get used to it. I am sure about this :)

See how Daddy cares?

I agree with most of the responses you received to this question. Good luck choosing best answer.

:)

Answer 10

Arguments happen in all families, but the important thing is not to lose the friendships with them.