A couple of years ago, one of my friends, who I hadn't spoken to in over three years, invited me to her wedding, not only to attend, but to be her maid of honor. I agreed to do it because we had made a promise in high school (Yes, I know, very juvenile) and she hadn't made any friends in her new town so I kind of felt bad. (Yes totally WRONG reason to attend, but I wouldn't leave anyone hanging like that)
But now, with my own wedding, I already have my bridal party chosen, and they are my sister, and my two best friends. Is it wrong that I don't invite her to be a part of my party, or is it OK if I just invite her to the wedding, without being a part of the party?
I don't want to tread on toes, or hurt her feelings, but we only talk every couple of years, and the only e-mails we send to each other are jokes, so our friendship is definately not that strong.
2007-06-28 11:39:15 · 44 answers · asked by xylina_69 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
I guess I should add that when we were in high school. she asked me to be in hers, but I didn't ask her to be in mine...so it wouldn't be like backing out on a promise or anything
2007-07-01 17:39:48 · update #1
it is perfectly fine. you are suppose to pick people you are close to in your life.
why not find something else for her to do, to make her feel more involved, that might make her just as happy.
2007-06-28 11:41:57 · answer #1 · answered by Christina V 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Since you have your sisters and close friends in your bridal party I don't see why she should be hurt. I'm getting married next summer and I was a maid of honor for a friend and she's not in my wedding party. Mainly since she doesn't live in the area and I'm only having 3 bridesmaids, two of which are my sisters. I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe you could talk to her and explain or not even mention anything depending on how she feels.
2007-07-02 03:44:06 · answer #2 · answered by Lauren S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to invite her to be your maid-of-honor, or even as a bridesmaid. Your situation is completely different from hers. It's not considered rude at all, and you don't have to live up to a pact made many years ago.
But since you did discuss it once, you should talk to her about before you announce the official bridal party list. Be kind and sympathetic - let her know that you are keeping your bridal party very small, with just your sister and two best friends. Reassure her that you would love for her to attend your wedding as a guest. You can even cite the groom's selection as an excuse - your fiance only chose three groomsmen, so you can only have three bridesmaids, or whatever.
2007-06-28 11:47:52 · answer #3 · answered by teresathegreat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Its your wedding, and hopefully you will do it only once, so why not have the day the way you want it?
If you feel obliged, then invite her to the wedding, but don't have her in the Bridal Party, unless it is really what YOU want. You two are not that close, and you have moved on with your lives, so high school promises need not apply here and now. It would be different if you were really close, but a phone call every couple of years, don't count that much.
Then its up to her if she wants to attend or not.
Best of luck for your special day, and for the life you will share with your husband.
2007-06-28 11:47:34 · answer #4 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I had the same type of situation, years back I was MOH for my friend, but as the years went on we grew apart. It happens. When it came time for my wedding though, I kept the wedding party pretty much like you, family and 2 friends. Since we hadn't been close to be honest I didn't feel in the least bit guilty about it. I invited her and her husband to the wedding, they came and enjoyed themselves and there wasn't an inappropriate word spoken between us, only good.
To this day we still only speak about once every 2 years or so. No difference in the relationship.
Do what your heart tells you!
2007-06-28 12:57:14 · answer #5 · answered by Cory C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wedding day is supposed to be an event you will remember for the rest of your life. This is your day. Forget what promises you made or feeling bad or having pity you need to do what makes you feel right. Do you really wanna look back to your wedding event 10 years from now and say... "Oh well my maid of honor wasn't someone special to me, the person i chose was mostly because i felt bad for them"... ? No, trust me you really don't. You invite who you want and don't feel bad for those who get upset, because no one can take away this day from you
2007-06-28 12:42:53 · answer #6 · answered by JoannSoler 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People change over time. You should not feel pressured to include her because she included you. You have people who are closer to you now than she is. If you wanted to you could do something for your "special friends" who aren't part of the bridal party. Maybe a flower for their hair or a special card just to make yourself (and maybe her) feel better.
If you can be fine with it then I wouldn't worry about it. But if it's going to eat at you and make you feel bad on your wedding day then you should do something.
Your wedding is your big day. Most of us only get one wedding. You create the vision you desire. Make it be all you can dream of.
2007-06-28 12:00:29 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that this is your day, so do it how you want. People change and grow a lot from high school. I told my friend she could be the godmother to my first born. A lot has happened since then and there is no way in hell I'd let her now. I'm sure she'd understand. Also, she would be the matron of honor since she is already married. Maybe if you feel THAT bad about it, you could have a maid AND a matron of honor. Its your wedding, its going to be remembered by you forever so do what makes you happy.
2007-06-28 11:46:54 · answer #8 · answered by Cali_wife12306 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Thats a tough situation. I invited my best friend to (and is going to be) my maid of honor. I just found out (bout two weeks ago) that her boyfriend and her are getting married three weeks before our wedding and she asked me just to be her personal attendant. She said that it was because she doesn't want to cause me any additional stress, but it still hurt my feelers a little. In your case with the strained relationship there maybe hurt feelers for a little bit, but I'm sure any and all wounds will heal quickly. And this is you and your grooms day. Do you want her up there? I wouldn't worry about it.
2007-06-28 11:53:26 · answer #9 · answered by Krissy 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are really concerned about hurting her feelings, I'm sure that there is SOME way that she could be "included" in a capacity that would make her feel special.
My sis in law had some friends that she wanted involved so as not to make them feel left out, but didn't really want/need them in the party (It was already at 12 girls as it was!)......
SO what she did, was she asked 2 of them to perform a reading during the ceremony...one did a poem and one did a passage...the other girl, who sings beautifully, she asked to supply some of the vocals during the ceremony.
They felt JUST as important and JUST as special...and possibley even moreso as individuals than the mass of the TWELVE girls in the party!
2007-06-28 11:48:16 · answer #10 · answered by secret_oktober_girl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was faced with the same situation. What I did was ask her to do a reading at the ceremony. While she was not in the wedding party of my now close circle of family and friends she was however part of the big day.
2007-06-28 12:15:30 · answer #11 · answered by jennifer 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋