how do you forgive someone for abusing you? especially if it was your parent...?

Question

and everytime you see them you think back to all the awful memories and experiences...

thanks a lot to the people whove already replyed. to "goodquestion" i appreciate what you said but the state got involved with my "case" and child protective services too. im 15 now and there is an improvement with the physical abuse now (probably because i was taken away once already which must have scared my parents/ or because im as tall as my mom now so she couldnt have as much fun) but i still deal with my moms (especially) horrible manipulation and games. my whole family has at one point seen my curled on the ground being kicked or stomped on or something, but none of them have ever talked about it, either have i with them. i know to not blame myself because it started before i could talk but its really hard to live with the person who has hurt you so bad. im so unhappy most of the time only pretending to be happy while she gets to walk around with her gucci purse and accyrlic nails w/ no conscience.

Answer 1

As far as i'm concerned a parent should not abuse their child and i feel that abuse is unforgivable and they should not be forgiven. Im sorry this is just how i feel.

Answer 2

I've been through this. Things that have helped me:

1. Therapy

2. Seeing them as pathetic

3. Resolving to be a better parent to my children

4. Making a list of the "benefits" of the abuse. Such as, I am more compassionate, I am sensitive, I have more empathy, etc.

5. Write them letters you will never send

6. Get into a very physical sport

7. Give it time. I'm 36 and I'd say it's just in the past couple of years that I can reallly say I forgive them.

8. Spend little or no time with them. You can forgive them yet still protect yourself from their toxicity. You get to decide how much you can take.

9. Make a list of ways you are not like them.

Hang in there.

Answer 3

Depends on what kind of abuse was that.

Some abuses leave scars for the rest of life.

We all make mistakes and we all can say " I wish I could go back and reverse what I did ".

However sexual abuse is something should be reported to the authorities cuz there is no living case on this planet earth that the abuser has recovered from this desease.

Sexual abuser are scared to go to jail so they play the emotional game and ask for forgiveness. Once forgiven, they go on to their next prey.

It is your job to stop them from hurting someone else. If you donot stop them, they will go on to hurt the next possible victim and that victim will be asking the same question here to us in few days/months!!!

Just do the right thing and you will not have any regrets.

Good Luck.

Answer 4

That all depends if you are an individual who has been *convinced* you were abused or were truly abused - there is a huge difference between *real* abuse and allowing someone to manipulate U while seeking sympathy for something that isn't abuse. If you were being disciplined that is not abuse. Does not lack of discipline create chaos and does not chaos create revenue for MH and the government? Parents are suppose to teach their children and children have a right to learn - anyone that intrudes on that is seaking money and worship. A false victim is usually trying to cover something up and perhaps their own responsibilities during their rebellious teens. I've witnessed this behavior in others and also witnessed them getting attention for treating parents and others like dirt (vile) while trying to keep their true victim(s) isolated at the same time. It's pretty close to stalking and no doubt harassment.

If the past is still alive there would be no difference as to how one would respond while being in the midst of their parents. To those who have been lead to believe they were abused any contact would have the same result unless the victim or fantasized victim has healed. If no healing has taken place fear will be in control especially if abuse is real and the abuser continues the abuse. In that case fear is healthy - nobody willing walks into a tornado. Obviously either way it would boil down to living in the truth and taking personal responsibility. Also: since ALL relationships take two abusers that are obsessed with committing abuse and have not walked away from that behavior will try to keep the past going and things will not get worked out. Healing would be to live in the truth. Unless truth is verbally present it wouldn't provide an environment for the the relationship to heal at all. Forgiveness cannot take place when something continues to go on concerning either party. No, a person does not have to accept being treated with complete contempt. MH and the government is manipulative telling people this and that also includes any church that reacts to false victims or abusers that claim they are victims. FACT: abuse only exists if it's real period. How many social factors are playing more so into illusions and what are they getting out of it - money and power or at least they are attempting it.

This also goes the same way for dishonest claims. That would place the parents as the victims - not the son/daughter. If an adult son or daughter gets into a relationship with ANYONE that consumes their entire reality the son or daughter would be considered to be living up to no good and would have zero business coming at thier parent with their problemed relationship issues. People that join cults are a very good example of this. It is a fact that cults will also intrude on the parents and use the willfully rebellious to harass the parents/family as well. Just keep in mind it only takes two for a cult to exist. The government and MH are noted repeatidly for doing so. The more chaos they can use people to cause the more money they make. People pay for it with their lives, families fall apart, and the system cashes in on it. Our economy is showing severe signs of wear because of this. It even raises our insurance rates.

You need to examine those memories - are they real or a figment of someone elses imagination based on the need to be worshipped. Have you been worshipping people instead of your Creator who has told us to Honor Thy Mother and Father? People who make up false pasts are not living the best they can live and so therefore they are ignoring their relationship with their Creator and dishonoring their parents. If someone wants or wanted you to believe your parents hate you, you truly need to search your soul concerning personal responsibility.

Answer 5

You never forgive or forget. But for some reason it does become easier to live with. When you can stop blaming yourself for what happened and understand it is not your fault.
I now see the person who abused me and feel sorry for them, because i know their the one with problem, and it just makes me a stronger person to now i am still here after ever thing that i have been through. It's been 15 year and i still have my good and my bad days. But as i said it does get easier

Answer 6

The question is how. Therefore I will tell you.

Be deliberate about what you want. If you believe that your own happiness is worth it, then make a definite decision to foregive the person. You deserve to be free of the conflict, don't you?

Continue to meditate on this daily. Write down your thoughts about your decision to foregive.

Develop a thought life that redirects your intentions towards experiencing a more fulfulling life. Understand that it is a process that takes time. You do not have to pretend that you chose to forgive. If you want to, but it has not come yet, acknowledge how you really feel (angry for instance...) but resolve to foregive if you have really set your mind to it and understand that you DESERVE TO EXPERIENCE LIFE WITHOUT RESENTMENT!

Best wishes.

Answer 7

Oh you can always forgive someone but you do not have to never forget.

Forgiving is for your benefit, not theirs because the feeling you feel they can care less because the only thing that matters to them it them.

Forgiving them helps you cope with your problems and help you trust other people.

Protect yourself from that person. I dont care who they are. Just because they brought you into this world do not give them the right to abuse you.

If you do not forgive that person you will have trust issues with everyone around you and that could hurt you in your own relationship.

Even when they think that you forgot and they try to bond remind them that you didn't forget. You dont even owe that parent friendship. Distance yourself from them if you can and talk with someone you can trust just to get it out. I promise you're not the only one going through this

All you can do is take it one day at a time and just ask God for guidance I promise you he will answer or bring someone into your life to help you see it through.

Answer 8

i know i am going to get thumbs down for this, but through experiance (not my own, but someone i am close to) i wouldnt say you can ever forgive and forget, I think you just learn to live with it. parents who abuse need stringing up ...the damage they cause throughout their childrens lives is unforgiveable..it makes my blood boil, and I dont think it will do anyone any good to keep seeing their abuser even if it is their parent

I think you need to see someone experienced in dealing with things like this...unless someone has actually been there, or is a specialist in this field, then it really wouldnt be helpful advise

best of luck x

Answer 9

U can forgive but doesn't mean u have to forget. Memories serves as warning for the future.

If it is so hurtful, move out. U can continue love them by your concern.

Forgiveness is for yrself. Until u ready to release this burden, u will continu to carry it in yr life. It's painful and tired.

I found strength to forgive when I remember how God had chose to forgive me as well. So forgiving others is also an attribute of God. We are ask to imitate Him in this aspect.

Answer 10

honey,

forgivness is a process......I think "seeing" them when you havent let go of what they did to you is a bit sudden. Distance to heal is what you need........I think its honorable that you want to forgive your parents but its about taking the time to heal first and going through all of the emotions.....go to support group.....counselling can become a bit draining and allow for bitterness to set in but "group" like settings can help you gain empowerment and healing to lead toward forgivness. :)