Excerpts from a Dog's Daily Diary
8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Daily Diary
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
2007-06-21 20:55:14 · 24 answers · asked by Cat burgler 5 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.
Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a "good little hunter" I am.
B*st*ards.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However,I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of "allergies." I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.
Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
2007-06-21 20:56:03 · update #1
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released -and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.. .
2007-06-21 20:56:22 · update #2
This is truly funny. I like dogs. I am allergic to cats. Thanx for the laugh darlin'.
2007-06-21 21:00:03 · answer #1 · answered by 0219 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
good 1
2007-06-21 21:42:00 · answer #2 · answered by dream theatre 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL!!
I think this was the best I've read here. You definitely deserve a star. So, have it!
2007-06-21 22:06:02 · answer #3 · answered by San La Muerte 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hehe i love it! You can only really appreciate that fully if you're a dog and cat owner. It all rings true with me!!
2007-06-21 21:01:47 · answer #4 · answered by abcd 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
my cat comes back to the house. i guess he knows that i give him real food instead of that other kind. i like this joke, it made me lol
2007-06-21 21:09:44 · answer #5 · answered by bilbo b 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hehehehehehe my cat trys to get out all the time lol
2007-06-21 21:02:30 · answer #6 · answered by Gina B 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
hey, a long read, but worth it, v. funny, here have a nice shiny star for you troubles!
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2007-06-21 23:23:29 · answer #7 · answered by Klick 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OMG!!!!....lol....reading to coworker (a doctor in the emergency room)....we both lol....(hang on....forwarding to friends)....still lol!!! have a star!!!
2007-06-21 21:27:46 · answer #8 · answered by flyhighrn 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
fabulous
pure genius
rofl! and an excess of lol
2007-06-22 04:53:08 · answer #9 · answered by coy carp 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
lol That was so funny. I bet thats what they really think.
2007-06-21 21:35:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋