What should i do about my friend who self harms?

Question

I just found out that my friend is cutting ( i self harm too, and i dont want advice that will sound hypocritical), i am really worried about her. I told our school co-ordinator, but i dont think she's going to do much, I'm more worried about my friend than me coz she cuts, and bleeds, were i scratch, pick and bruise, i'm scared she'll accidently go too deep and end up dead. What can i do to help her without being hypocritical?

Answer 1

talk to her about it!!!!

Answer 2

It's been a long time but I have been there. Most of my issues revolved around not feeling a part of life. I found my solution mostly through facing myself.....being able to laugh at yourself seems help also. For some , professional help would help. Maybe if you could confront her by admitting that you both have problems and you would like to work together to help each other could be a start. Being that your story is limited in content....I wouldn't venture further. I truly hope that you both find an answer that gets you through this. It's OK if you want to email me....I'll answer. Stay strong and believe that you matter.....we all do!!!

Answer 3

Did you tell her your concerns? This may make her feel loved if you tell in the way you are expressing it here.

Also, don't forbid her from cutting. It may be a scary thing to you but typically they are not suicidal, or at least if they can cut they aren't. If you are really close, ask her if she feels safe in her life situation? Is anyone harming her that she needs help getting away from?

Stand by her as a friend, and recognize that thought this is an addiction, it is not like drugs or alcohol, and she needs friends.

Answer 4

I used to cut and hit myself, and now have stopped, but my scars remain. Please listen to me when I say that the main reason that I cut was because I felt lonely, abandonned and hurt.
This is probably a lot of what your friend is feeling, but don't let her forget that she still has you. Whatever you do, don't specifically bring up the subject of her self-harm (automatically, she will probably draw away from you and refuse to talk), but ask her what is on her mind. Let her know that you are there, and that you really care about her. As her trust in you is confirmed, maybe she will bring up the subject of self-harm, but at least now she knows that she has a strong source of support.
If you are truly worried that your friend will seriously harm herself, again, let her know how much you care, talk about how you can relate to her, and emphasize even more how much you value her as a friend.
Please don't hurt yourself, and please don't let your friend get hurt. It is your duty as a friend to watch out for those you care about, and if your friend is going too far, TELL SOMEOME, be it a teacher who could anonymously tell her parents, or a counsoler.
I feel your pain.

Answer 5

Self-harm is never a good thing, no matter what type and how "light" it may be. You and your friend need to talk to each other, maybe get help together, because there are better ways to handle things. If you try to get help too it may be easier for her to do it, plus it's just better all around. Good luck, and I hope it works out!

Answer 6

It relies upon. on the only hand, the pal might have no thought a thank you to assist the guy, and experience they're basically making the region worse with the help of being no longer able to assist, which in fact makes it worse. on the different hand, The pal may well be so shallow that they bypass 'Cutter, i won't be able to be acquaintances with you!' and abandon the guy because of the fact they do no longer want their social prestige tainted. on the different different hand (that's a three surpassed individual. Cool, eh?), the pal may well be attempting extremely extremely annoying to assist the guy, however the guy does not want help in any respect, and keeps blocking off the pal out, until finally the pal supplies up, because of the fact they have tried their toughest to assist the guy, however the guy basically won't take their guard down, and that they've no thought what else to do to assist the guy. i might under no circumstances ever ever abandon any of my acquaintances over something. i might attempt my toughest to assist them, and that i desire they might do the comparable for me. *Hugs* =]

Answer 7

i know her pain and where shie is coming from when we do it its because we are hurting so bad inside that if we hurt our self outside we dont feel the emotional pain so bad and I am 43 I am sorry but she needs to talk to someone and really fast if there is no one professional around just let her ley her head on your lap and tell you whats bothering her so bad. I am sorry yall but i have to go to bed after that one I am sorry your friend is in pain

Answer 8

My younger sister went through the same thing and if you can't get results from the school maybe you should contact the parents. If homelife is not well there are community programs that you can talk to.

Answer 9

This is not an unusual problem. Your family Dr. can probably handle it. If not, make an appt with a psychiatrist.

Answer 10

find out the reason she cuts, tell her parents self harm is an addiction like alcohol

Answer 11

The Bill of Rights for Those who Self-Harm

1. The right to caring, humane medical treatment.
Self-injurers should receive the same level and quality of care that a person presenting with an identical but accidental injury would receive. Procedures should be done as gently as they would be for others. If stitches are required, local anesthesia should be used. Treatment of accidental injury and self-inflicted injury should be identical.

2. The right to participate fully in decisions about emergency psychiatric treatment (so long as no one's life is in immediate danger).
When a person presents at the emergency room with a self-inflicted injury, his or her opinion about the need for a psychological assessment should be considered. If the person is not in obvious distress and is not suicidal, he or she should not be subjected to an arduous psych evaluation. Doctors should be trained to assess suicidality/homicidality and should realize that although referral for outpatient follow-up may be advisable, hospitalization for self-injurious behavior alone is rarely warranted.

3. The right to body privacy.
Visual examinations to determine the extent and frequency of self-inflicted injury should be performed only when absolutely necessary and done in a way that maintains the patient's dignity. Many who SI have been abused; the humiliation of a strip-search is likely to increase the amount and intensity of future self-injury while making the person subject to the searches look for better ways to hide the marks.

4. The right to have the feelings behind the SI validated.
Self-injury doesn't occur in a vacuum. The person who self-injures usually does so in response to distressing feelings, and those feelings should be recognized and validated. Although the care provider might not understand why a particular situation is extremely upsetting, she or he can at least understand that it *is* distressing and respect the self-injurer's right to be upset about it.

5. The right to disclose to whom they choose only what they choose.
No care provider should disclose to others that injuries are self-inflicted without obtaining the permission of the person involved. Exceptions can be made in the case of team-based hospital treatment or other medical care providers when the information that the injuries were self-inflicted is essential knowledge for proper medical care. Patients should be notified when others are told about their SI and as always, gossiping about any patient is unprofessional.

6. The right to choose what coping mechanisms they will use.
No person should be forced to choose between self-injury and treatment. Outpatient therapists should never demand that clients sign a no-harm contract; instead, client and provider should develop a plan for dealing with self-injurious impulses and acts during the treatment. No client should feel they must lie about SI or be kicked out of outpatient therapy. Exceptions to this may be made in hospital or ER treatment, when a contract may be required by hospital legal policies.

7. The right to have care providers who do not allow their feelings about SI to distort the therapy.
Those who work with clients who self-injure should keep their own fear, revulsion, anger, and anxiety out of the therapeutic setting. This is crucial for basic medical care of self-inflicted wounds but holds for therapists as well. A person who is struggling with self-injury has enough baggage without taking on the prejudices and biases of their care providers.

8. The right to have the role SI has played as a coping mechanism validated.
No one should be shamed, admonished, or chastised for having self-injured. Self-injury works as a coping mechanism, sometimes for people who have no other way to cope. They may use SI as a last-ditch effort to avoid suicide. The self-injurer should be taught to honor the positive things that self-injury has done for him/her as well as to recognize that the negatives of SI far outweigh those positives and that it is possible to learn methods of coping that aren't as destructive and life-interfering.

9. The right not to be automatically considered a dangerous person simply because of self-inflicted injury.
No one should be put in restraints or locked in a treatment room in an emergency room solely because his or her injuries are self-inflicted. No one should ever be involuntarily committed simply because of SI; physicians should make the decision to commit based on the presence of psychosis, suicidality, or homicidality.

10. The right to have self-injury regarded as an attempt to communicate, not manipulate.
Most people who hurt themselves are trying to express things they can say in no other way. Although sometimes these attempts to communicate seem manipulative, treating them as manipulation only makes the situation worse. Providers should respect the communicative function of SI and assume it is not manipulative behavior until there is clear evidence to the contrary.