What should I do?

Question

Me and my sister are not really close when comes to personal lifes of our own. Out of the blue, last week she mentioned that she wanted to get marry at the age of 23 this coming nov. As a big sister, I cant take the blow. It was just too sudden. Even though we are not that close, I still gonna miss her presence around. Worse still, she did not even inform me about her big day. Let alone my family members. Dont know why they treated me like stranger. I didnt do anything at all. I want respect coz I got pride and gonna lose face when relatives will start to ask when I'm getting married as I'm in the late 20's. I feel so sad and felt neglected. I felt alone and I poured out my feelings to my bestfriend. I cried everyday and seemed to lost my focus in life. I learn to hate my family since they have been keeping lots of secrets behind my back whereby as part of the unit, I have the right to be involve in the family affair. I'm ignoring everyone and cant face them at home.

Answer 1

-hugs-

Oh my...
I am, first off, very sorry to hear this.
Gather up courage, strength, and confidence to tell your family you'd like to feel like a part of the family for once. Face them with courage and tell them how you feel about the current situation within your family life.
Be happy for your sister, she found it didn't seem easy to tell you because you are older and still haven't found Mr. Right.
It's alright...it will be alright...

Answer 2

You should not hate your family, you don't think about who is in the wrong or right. Why you didn't try to get along with your family. Don't blame anyone first. Just find a solution to solve this matter first. Why not you try to talk to your sister and buy a gift to your sister for congrat her. Why don't you think that your sister and your family also care about you. Maybe your sister also will miss you after got married. I hope you will take it easy and don't think too much of the negtive problems.

Answer 3

As the elder sister I think you should be happy for your sister since she have found her happiness. To me it doesn't matter who get married first. This is the time where your relatives will start to ask when you are getting married, but don't worry too much about it.
Maybe you should also spend sometime with your family together to have meals together so that there are certain issues that you can join in and be part of the family

Answer 4

listen .
u should be strong ... .confront them u should hAve a rights to know what i sgoin in ur family .. u dIdnot disclose what r u doin ?as per what r ur priortyis in life r u studying or seeeing some one tHat y u didnot get married
as for the relatives listen people JUST IGNORE
u now what is best for u
its ur sister if u not at this special DDAY she wont forgive u ever
UR DAY WILL ALSO COME

Answer 5

you should be happy for your sister (unless her fiance is an A**). It doesn't matter if she marries first. Your parents will probably ask when you are getting married, but don't worry cause that's just what parents do, you know who you are, and if you do get married let it be out of love, but don't get married just to be married. Then you will be stuck in an unhappy marriage, plus there are benefits to being single.

Answer 6

Sugar maybe they have acted like they have to spare your feelings...

So, you haven't found "Mister Right." That just means you are not settling for anyone.

You can only loose your pride if you Let Your Self loose pride. Go be with your sister and be happy for her. You day will come too.

Answer 7

If anything girl, run to your dad,Tell him whats on your heart and mind. There is ALLways at least one wise and sincere person that give you the advice you need. It will never be on "ask yahoo".By the way, LIFE STARTS AT 30 GIRL!!!!! When you get engaged, you know who's more mature and "family orientated".

Answer 8

Boo Hoo : ( If thats the worst of your problems your doing pretty good. My advice...Stop being so self centered and be happy for your sister.

Answer 9

Your family sounds a great deal like my family and I can tell you that things never really got any better. For some reason my youngest brother was the favorite amongst my parents and I didn't really have a problem with this as it's human nature to have favor one or more of your kids.

The problem I had however, was that he would get away with all sorts of outragoeus conduct and my parents were not wise about the way they showed their favoritism. They would have him beat my older brother and me while music was playing in the background, and they would call my older brother and me names, while in the presence of my younger brother. This gave him the impression and set the tone of all the family's relationship that "Mike" (youngest & favorite) was to be taken seriously while my older brother and me were not given credibility or credence to. This affected our grades and self esteem a great deal.

Mike never learned how to deal with certain situations in life as an adult man now because he was so favored and never said "No" to, so he being a grown man now, didn't know where to draw the line.

It appears like you're going thru much of the same thing that my brother and I experienced. I have to say that things NEVER GOT ANY BETTER with our family and as a result my oldest brother left home at about 17 and never contacted the family again. He did manage to contact me several years ago but we were unsuccessful at meeting. Meanwhile I packed all my belongings and took my own son and I left my family many years ago because I could see they were going to continue lying on me, and they were exhibiting this behavior onto my own son, their grandson (and nephew), and that things were not going to get any better. It's been many years now since I took my son and left and it was the best decision I made.

I know people say "well, family is family and you're going to have problems; deal with it and get on with life", but when you're going thru this constant pain and being manipulated and treated as an outcast because your parents don't see anything wrong with your sibling, but treat you as if you were the plague, sometimes it's best to get out as early as you can. Maybe your parents and family will see that you are fed up and don't wish to continue the unhealthy family atmosphere presently, and in time, maybe in years they may come around. I highly doubt it though. These are fixed, mentally unhealthy behaviors people have and rarely do they change. You could spend all of your teen years, early and late twenties trying to convince your family that you too are worthy and should not be shunned as they have done that has hurt you, but they won't change. I hope I am wrong about what I say you know? I hope your family will be that strong family that pulls together and says "No, we love our little girl and sister and we are going to show her this, we will stick together", but I just don't think this sort of deep-rooted mentality will change. So, it is you that needs to make life choices now; the kind of choices that will either keep you embedded in your constant frustration with your family while keeping you emotionally unstable and depressed which this interferes in all aspects of your life (marriage, relationships, job, self esteem, raising children, etc.), or you will say, it's just time for me to "get out" get on with my life, surround myself with people who I love and that love is reciprocal meaning they show you love right back; healthy love. The kind of "non-existent" love that is going on in your family right now is not successful or advantageous for you. It doesn't seem that it will get any better, so why keep subjecting yourself to constant ridicule and pain and suffering?

Do you know that my youngest brother, the one they favored is now facing felony charges of "The Most Serious Offense, Sexual Deviancy and Rape of A Child". He is currently on trial today for raping a 10- year old girl multiple times in the worst way. There are about 10 charges pending against him and the Prosecution is not giving him any breaks whatsoever. It was just a matter of time before his sickening conduct caught up to him, and because my parents never disciplined much, never showing the difference between right and wrong, but always beating and abusing my older brother and me, Mike just never learned how to properly conduct himself. Mike lost his wife, and his twin sons were stillborn at 21 weeks because he abused his wife so much mentally and phyiscally. He tried to blame her for that too. He has pointed a .44 calibur gun at her several times and when she phoned the police on him, a few weeks later he sought a restraining order against her for revenge??? Can you believe that? She, Bonnie, finally had enough and filed for divorce in 1998. The divorce became final in 2000 and you know what? Mike never bounced back.

There's a lot more horrific details and outrageous conduct on the part of my younger brother and now my parents are paying the price for their favoritism and lax discipline they showed in Mike. Now I know they are sad and very distraught over their "GOLDEN BOY" being in jail and he stands trial in a month or so, but they only have themselves to blame.

I have not contacted any of them throughout what I have learned about Mike, and I found out about his woes by doing a check on the internet in the Court in the state where he lives. It was free and public information available. I don't live in that state anymore, but I also did a check on my other family members, including cousins, uncles, aunts, and yes, my own parents (only parents by blood, not by being loving decent parents) to learn that the whole family is criminally active, or had some restraining orders, or orders of protection, etc., filed against each other. I'm just so glad I left when I did, because like I said earlier "sometimes family is only related by blood". The family that I knew are just mere distant negative memories and I have no intention of ever interacting or mingling with them ever again.

When I read up on their police and court records online late last year, I knew I had done the right thing and left them behind because there were absolutely no changes whatsoever except worse behavior on their part.

You have a life decision and choices to make now, darling. Only you can make them, but I hope you have a good plan because to make a decision whether or not to leave your "blood" you need a good support network including education, employment, confidence and love....moral support also. I didn't have any of that when I took my son and finally left, but that's because I waited so long to do so then got fed up and there was no turning back, and no delays! I needed to get out of there fast. Now things are a bit better for my son and I but for years we struggled.

If you need help, email me. I am here to discuss and for an ear if need be. Your situation just sounded so eerily familiar to mine but my problem was, I waited too long to leave. I don't think that deep-rooted disrespect for you by your family will change. People just rarely change and your situation I believe is no exception to the contrary.

Answer 10

idk