Kick out my parents?

Question

I'm 29, my husbands 34, we have a 3 yr old and a 2 yr old, and we bought a large house so my parents could live with us. My mother works and my father is handicapped and in a wheelchair and in severely bad health. We moved in together to help each other financially and because my father needs to be cared for when my mother works. Lately, my husband has been arguing with me about kicking them out, but I just don't know if I can. We bought the house we are in with the understanding that we would be splitting the bills. If they move out, not only will my father have no one to care for him (with the exception of hospice nurses which will cost my mother LOADS of $$), my husband and I will be under SEVERE financial stress. He doesn't seem to care about any of that. His main concern is being "In Charge" of his house. Is he right? Should I treat my parents as renters instead of partners? Should I kick them out if it is putting stress on my marriage?

Answer 1

I have a feeling there is something you haven't mentioned. What is it that your husband objects to about your parents living with you? Is it having a negative effect on the children? Are you not giving your husband enough affection? Are your parents disrespectful or ungrateful to him?
Apparently he liked the idea at first, or he wouldn't have agreed to buy such a big house with the idea of your parents living there. Something bad must be happening, for him to want them out, considering the expense of the house.
Your first obligation is to your husband and children; you are responsible to see that your parents are all right, but you don't have to take care of them personally.
Have you tried working things out between the 4 of you? Or 3, if your father isn't able to participate in the discussion?
Do you need to hire a part-time caregiver for your father, or send him to adult day care, to take some pressure off your family?

Answer 2

I would tell him to go before I would even consider otherwise. I can not even fanthomasking them to leave if your father is in bad health. These are your parents ! Tell your husband to grow up or move on.If he starts this way about being "in charge" he will be expecting worse later. Is he one of the "good ole boys" that think everything a man says is always right? A woman has to jump when he speaks, etc. Your household is a two way street and though he is the man, it goes both ways. Stick with your original agreement.Remember, Your mom gave birth to you andf your dad raised you and never turned his back on you. Don't do this to them.

Answer 3

Any way to make a setup that is more like an in-law apartment so they have some privacy as well as your husband being in "charge" of "his" house? I thought you bought the house together - so what makes it his house? What would he do if this were HIS parents? Maybe he needs to get away from it all can you work that out?

Answer 4

You need to see a counselor with your husband to find out what the problem is. Sounds like a whole lot of stress and he is feeling out of control. I don't think you should do that to your parents, but is there a way you can make their area of the house more private, like an apartment? Find out what is really going on, and if your parents are making decisions they shouldn't or butting into your affairs, then you need to have a heart to heart with them and tell them to butt out.