How can I make my dad stop being so racist?

Question

He hates black kids, especially my friends. He always uses the "N" word on them. And once in a while, he'd be all like, "white power!"
Oh my god, I don't know if he's trying to p*ss me off, or he has some serious issues.

Answer 1

It may just be the way he was brought up and he doesn't know any better. I used to have arguments with my Dad who used to be the same way. Of course that was about 30 years ago so he had an excuse for his ignorance. You can't change him or his attitudes. What you might want to do, if your friends are up for it, is have them over to your house to let him get to know them as people. If he starts to see that their skin color isn't who they are he may start to soften a little. But your friends will have to be ready to overlook his insults. That will take some strength on their part. Be sure to prepare them ahead of time if you choose this option.

Answer 2

He has serious issues. If he says it alot then i would think he really means it.

I told someone who was a racist that I didn't want to hear their opinion and that not everyone felt the same way as them. I also told them they weren't funny and it wasn't cute. I also told them that they were the most ignorant person i met in a while. Of course this didn't win any points with them but i no longer have to hear their rantings of hate. I don't tolerate any hate against race, gender or disability. I only hate ignorance and the people who embrace it.

Answer 3

You have to be able to speak his language, which you obviously cant.

1) You cant make anyone do anything. You can try, but unless they agree, they can resist forever. You especially cant change a persons heart.

2) When you are angry you cant communicate well with any other human being, especially someone close. You get angry, and their shields go up, and then its just a war. That doesn't lead to understanding.

3) You need to learn the way to communicate the idea to him that makes the only offense be something in the idea, and not in the delivery. Its Mary Poppins "spoonful of sugar". When you don't, you make the message harder to hear. If you cant communicate it, at least don't make it harder for the next person to communicate it.

4) "White power" is no more good or evil than "Black power",, "Asian power", "Latino power" or "Gay pride". The key, the absolute key to white racism is that there is no white race. Until a white race, or Caucasian, or Scottish, or whatever has permission to exist and can be rejoiced in then its all racisms.

Growing up in a heavily Latino area (60% immigrant latino) as a small white kid I got beat a lot. When the teachers taught about "diversity" the latinos in school understood it to be permission to kick the crap out of the white kids for being "evil oppressors". I MISSED OUT ON THE TRUE MEANING OF DIVERSITY.

So have you.
If you dont have it, you cant teach it to your dad.
All you can tell him is "you are evil for being white".

Here is what TRUE diversity is:
I came from a people, that has a history and a culture that is different from what I have now. In learning about my people, and my history, and my culture, I am made richer.
You came from a people that have a history and a culture. In your learning about your people and their history you can be made richer.

If I give you a dollar and you give me a dollar we gain nothing. But if I share with you my people, history and culture, and you share with me your people, your history, and your culture then we can both walk away twice as rich.

If you cant rejoice in your fathers people, their history, and their culture, then you are the racist. That doesnt say that there are no bad things about any people, history, or culture.. quite the opposite. If you cant learn and be made richer by understanding something different from yourself, you are a sad person - you are less of a person.

If you want your father to do this, then model it. Get interested in your own geneology, his geneology, and find out for yourself who his people are, what their history is, and what his culture is. Share that with him. If he is scottish invite him to a highland games, if german to oktoberfest. Show him that its okay to rejoice in your heritage.

Then, after he has tasted that he has a people, after he has tasted their place in the history of the world, after he has discovered his culture, and ONLY AFTER THAT
when he talks about people other than his in terms that are derogitory, and does not honor their background DO NOT REBUKE HIM
teach him their people, the place of their people in history, and what their culture was like
AFTER HE EXPERIENCES THAT
your friend can say to him Im not "N" I am Eritriean, and my ancestors built the pyramids while europeans were trying to discover fire, my people wrote using papyrus and egyptian heiroglyphs while yours were writing oghams with axes.. I come from a people that is admirable and excellent, that has a history that is admirable and excellent, with a rich cultural heritage.
If you cant respect me for having a people and being a part of it, and you cant respect my history, and you cant respect my culture... you only show yours to be worthless... and you have not learned the lessons your grandfathers did when they were trading with and learning from with mine 3000 years ago.

Child, you know you cant attack the honor of a man and have him hear it. Equals do that. Until you are his equal in his heart, he cant hear it from you.. IN WORDS.
If you want to change him you have to do it in a language and a way that he CAN receive. Do it gently, and not arrogantly. Do it patiently, and not in a rush. Honor him throughout the process and he will deeply recieve what you want to communicate.

Answer 4

That sad about people who are racists. I know a few & it's discusting to me about how someone can be so offensive against another human being. None of us had the choice of whether we'd be red, white or blue! We were born the way we were born & it's the person inside who is the most important. I would just tell him that most of the time you respect him being your dad, but how can he hurt you & your feelings you have for your friends regardless of their race. Let him know how much it hurts & disapoints you when you hear him talk that way & all the time you want to be proud of your father. Let him know by doing that he isn't making you feel proud of him. I honestly doubt if anything you're going to say w/change him. I know someone like him & it just disgusts me but I ignore him & feel HE is the one being ignorant. Nothing makes him any better, in fact it makes him worse in my eyes. They are just ignorant period & actually make fools of themselves. Your friends know who you are, accept you, & just apologize for his ignorance.

Answer 5

You could try using the "F" word in his presence. If he tells you to stop, because it's offensive, then you can ask him to stop using the "N" word because it offends you.
But if he doesn't care how you feel about his racism and language, you may just have to work around it until you are old enough to move out.
You probably can't change the way he feels or thinks, but you may have some influence over how he acts when he is with you.

Answer 6

well personnaly idont know how 2 help him but i guess i can try.well i guess sumtimes sum people have their opinons about people but i really think ur dad needs 2 go 2 a class about racism wich culd help him wit da situation or just set him up wit sum of ur friends dads to go out for a day 2 let him c everythang wit blk people is kool those long dayz of slavery is over we do not have no kin of grudge against any white people but if he dont change thats probably thats the way he wants 2 live his life but my advice 2 u is do not let dat get 2 u u keep being friends wit who everu want as long as it makes u happy it shuld make ur dad happy

Answer 7

You can't change him nor should you try. You have your opinions and he has his. He can say what he wants as you can. When an individual crosses the line and denies another their rights, then the law steps in. As long as he is just talking, there isn't anything you could do.

Answer 8

You really can't 'make' your dad do anything... just use his racism and your ability to recognize it for what it is to make you a better person... you now see what you don't like... as you grow older, you may even become a positive catalyst for change in him or others because of what you're experiencing now.

Answer 9

I'm proud of you for not being like your Father so stay on that path. Your Father has a problem that you can't fix. He's from a different generation and different upbringing then you.

Answer 10

its just the way he was raised. its sad but someof these people never get out of therut. my dad was abit like that you just let them live and they dont' hurt people and you never say nothing to your firends that is sad but no one can correct a parent.