My girlfriend cheated?

Question

My girlfriend cheated on me with no protection, and then we had sex also unprotected, of course she gets pregnant, and I stayed with her during the whole pregnancy, so not to cause any un-needed stress on the baby. Now the baby is here, and we are about to get DNA testing done. My question is should I leave regardless of whether the baby is mine? If it is mine I will be a great father whether I'm with her or not, but I just don't think I will ever look at her the same or ever feel the way I did about her. What do you think?

Answer 1

This is a most unfortunate situation, and I am really impressed how well you have handled this. I consider myself a strong man but I am not sure I could act as mature and selfless as you.

That said, you have answered your own question:

"I just don't think I will ever look at her the same or ever feel the way I did about her."

It has been nine months apparently and you still feel this way. Unlikely it will change, and while I think that a child is best served with having a mom and dad living together the big catch is that it has to be a LOVING relationship between the mom and dad. For the child's sake you would probably do more damage by staying in a loveless and unhappy relationship than if you separated and still were an active part of the upbringing of the child.

That said I have tremendous respect for you in either case. Sounds like you a great person who deserves a great woman, and while I won't judge your girlfriend since everyone makes mistakes, if you don't think you will love her anymore than it might be time to move on. You never know if those feelings will change, but you can't force them.

Answer 2

I'm going to throw a number of ideas out there. Take what you can and leave the rest. :)

No matter what happens in your life the one and only person who is ever guaranteed to be there for you is yourself. Love yourself and do whats best for you.

I'd rather grow up without a father than a mother and father that fought and induced stress on me which led to mental problems.

Get tested for STD. A good rule of thumb is to get tested at least once a year regardless.

If you decide to stay with her even if it's not "yours" keep in mind that you'd be the father to that child regardless where the cells came from. If you think your a father, you are.

If the child is "yours" and you cannot stay with her, consider being a single parent if you feel you'd be more capable of raising the child.

Always keep a backup plan. Its better to have it and not need it then to need it and not have it.

Answer 3

Your responsibility lies with the baby, if it is yours, not with her. If you dont feel the same way about her then don't stay. That will only cause more stress and problems down the road with you being somewhere you don't want to be. If the baby isn't yours than you can offer emotional support if you want, but it's her responsibility now. She thought she was big enough to have unprotected sex with two different guys, so she is big enough to take care of this baby now, with our without you. If the baby is yours, then you should stay around to help take care of it, but that's all you need to feel committed to do. Be a daddy, and if you have feelings for her again, then stay. But otherwise, focus all your love and attention on the little one.

Answer 4

Well the same exact thing happened to me. She left me though and we just saw other people. Unfortunately the other two guys were real losers, and one was a boyfriend of her girlfriends. I chose to be the better man and I stayed for the same reasons you did. The other two didn't and couldn't. I also feel differently towards her about alot of things. Anger, dissapointment, trust in her decisions, but we have talked about these things. She has been through alot more that I won't go into, but she is a good person inside, and for that i will always love her. First you need to get things off of your chest to her and really think of why you are with her. Has she told you if she feels different now that all of this has happened. Does she regret her actions and geniuenly want to try to make things work with you now out of real love and appreciation for you or out of neccessity for the baby. You need truth and honesty from her now so that you don't make a mistake you might regret later. I don't know for sure if the baby is mine in my case, but deep down inside I do feel love for her anyway. The past CANNOT be changed as much as I want it to, but the future can be sweet if you both learn from this unfortunate event and come away with an better understanding of honesty, and a greater love than you once had for each other. Many people told me to leave, but they simply aren't me. I'm a man. I don't run from adversity. If you make it through this together you both will be better for it. If you want to leave make sure it's for the right reasons, not for petty anger, and revenge. If things do work out then it could be the single most important and possibly best thing that could happen in your life. Never deceive yourself or her about how you feel towards each other. Deception is why we both are in the positions we're in now. I made my decision for love. We have that now. Love is all that matters. I will be a great dad whether he's mine or not. Can you? Will you? Do you want to? Those are the questions you need to answer for yourself. I will pray for you and her as well as baby. Be honest to yourself, because in the end of all things that's all we really have. good luck and God bless all three of you.

Answer 5

Ok, it sounds as if you already made up your mind to leave her. I think you should leave her and if this baby is yours, you should take it too. I mean the way it sounds you would be a better father than she would be able to be a mother. She has already proven her decision making skills are pretty immature and kids are too important and need the most reliable and dependable of parents.Dads do have rights, and most are afraid to exercise those rights. Get a good lawyer and good luck!

Answer 6

To be honest.....if the child is not yours and you have not bonded with the child AND you dont love your "girlfriend" then I dont see why you would want to stay....if you stayed you would more or less have "unresolved" issues with your girlfriend and trying to be a father to this child would be VERY difficult. You have a few options (as I see it) you first have to decide about the child.....either be there or DONT but dont be half slack. A child needs security, stability and continual love and nurturing. Second you have to decide about your girlfriend. If you cannot resolve your issues about the "cheating" then you have to break away, OR figure out a healthy level for the childs sake, OR resolve your issues and move on and be a father and lover to your girlfriend......I dont believe in cheating but I DO believe in loyalty and honoring family.

Answer 7

well you could stay if you dont mind paying for another mans baby, taking care of another mans baby for the next 18 years.
or you could stay but theres a chance the other man will want to be the daddy to the baby and you will have to play second fiddle
theres also a chance she will do this to you again

Answer 8

It's wonderful that you will be part of the baby's life if it is yours. But you are under no obligation to stay with the mother. And if you don't love and trust her, it would not be wise for either of you for you to stick around. Go! Find Happiness!

Answer 9

This is all about what you feel inside. If you will not feel the same about her ever again than leave her, but make sure you do stay in the babies life if it is yours because it wouldn't be the babies fault that she ******.

Answer 10

Do you love her? Does she seem as tho she has changed her way of thinking and being? Can you see urself growing old with her? If u dont think u will c her the same if its not urs then y would u see her the same if it is urs? Dont lead her on....just be straight up....unless u want to have a harder time in court...