Why is my family acting this way about my wedding?

Question

I'm having a beach wedding next month in the morning and the reception is that evening closer to our hometown. My parents are paying for the reception that evening, however they're not going to the wedding. My dad says he has to work. He's missed my graduations before. My mom said she won't go since my dad isn't going. My bro in law says I'm being inconsiderate for having the wedding so far away-2 hours away. So they're not going to it. So I will have no family at the wedding. Some friends from church are throwing me a bridal shower this Friday and my mom said she can't go because she can't drive that far-30 min.The day after she told me that, I told her that I'll be willing to pick her up to take her and then drive her back home. She then said no because she would be too tired from work. The shower is 3 hrs after she is off work. I have gotten upset about the wedding and bridal shower isssues.My family says they love my fiance and are happy for us, but why are they acting this way?

Sorry I had to repost it. I accidently deleted it when I tried to edit it.
My sister called me bridezilla when I confronted them asking why they were not going to the wedding. As for my parents, my dad and I do not have a good relationship (abuse in the past). I've learned to forgive and would like them there on my wedding day. Hope this extra info helps.

Answer 1

Sounds like to me your the problem even though I never actually read a word of what you said because its too long.

Anyhow I think if you just sit down talk to them about how you feel, and try to make an agreement all parties will be happy. Your welcome for the generic answer, but im sure it helps

Answer 2

They are coming to the reception -- be thankful for that.

Many people don't travel well -- even three hours. And 3 hours to go to a beach wedding if you don't like weddings, don't like beaches, don't like sand, don't like sun. . . plus have to take time off from work, which they need the money to pay for the reception?

Sure, most parent would do it no matter what. But if there was abuse in your family in the past I would guess that they have some issues that perhaps are not resolved.

Don't worry that they aren't coming to the wedding. It doesn't mean they don't love you. And it doesn't mean they don't respect you. It just means that they don't choose to come to the wedding. It is not that important to them, and they are probably wondering why it is so important to you.

Take pleasure in the fact that they are not only coming to the reception, but they love and respect you enough to pay for it.

And have fun. Remember it's not about the wedding, it's about the marriage and that is most important.

Answer 3

Your family have a strange way of showing love to your fiance or to you. Just have the wedding without them. Don't let them know it bothers you. It's what you DON'T say that really gets to a lot of people. I hope you will take pictures. Maybe when you show your wedding pictures to them they will snap to what they have done. It will bother them more because they can't correct it. And, they will wonder why you didn't make a fuss about them not being there. It will give them the same feeling that they are making you feel right now. It will serve them right. Oh and when you are pregnant with your first baby. Don't tell them until you are showing and don't invite them to the baby shower and don't call them when you go to the hospital. If they ask WHY.... tell them you didn't think they would be all that interested, so you didn't want to inconvenience them. By golly, that'll learn 'em, durn 'em!

Answer 4

Maybe you should have the wedding at a later date and on the weekend close to home. I can see both sides of this...my younger sis got married in the winter when a lot of people were sick but she wouldn't change the date and not as many people showed up. She wouldn't listen to people to make it later in the year. Though, our parents came and I reluctantly came. Family who did come got sick with the flu that was going around and others got it again. There are certain times of the year where you just don't have a wedding. People who won't have it at decent times and locations tend to be bridezillas

THOUGH, it sounds like your parents have pretty much had nothing to do with you in your lifetime. That's messed up. I don't know their side of it. Maybe they suck or maybe they are angry with you. Whatever the case may be, you need to sit down with them as civilized people and ask them if you changed the location would they come. If they won't come if you have it at home and on the weekends, then their loss. 30 minutes for a bridal shower for her own daughter is NOT FAR. My younger sister's wedding was THREE HOURS from home and we still went. She is family, after all (a bit of a bridezilla, herself!!)

Your family sounds like they just suck. If they won't negotiate, flat out tell them they're the ones being inconsiderate and immature about the whole thing. This is your special day and it sounds like you were already trying to negotiate with them but they won't compromise...it's not fair that they refuse to be apart of your life, but that's their problem. Don't lose sleep over it, if they want nothing to do with you then tough for them.

Answer 5

Pay for the reception yourself if you can. Give them any money back that they have already paid and pay the rest yourself. That way you can tell them if you don't come to the ceremony don't bother attending the reception. Also let them know how much this will affect your relationship with them in the future. Because I honestly would not want them to be a part of my life if they pulled a stunt like that. Stand up for yourself. It sounds like the women in your family allow the men to control them.
Unfortunately you cannot pick your family, you can only pick your friends. You sound like you have some wonderful friends at your church. Make them part of your new family - they seem to care more about you.

Answer 6

Because they're selfish, self-centered *******, that's why they're acting this way. I cannot believe your own father won't take a day off work to be at your wedding, and I can't believe your mother is going along with this. I'm so sorry for the way they're acting. Tell your bro in law that I went to my 2 brother's and my sister's weddings in a city 1200 miles from where I live. My sister is getting married next year in a city about 600 miles from me. NOTHING short of extreme illness of me or my husband or children will keep me from her wedding. When my daughter or son gets married, they can get married in Timbuktoo for all I care, I will be there.

Answer 7

I'm sorry your family is being very ignorent..it's one of the most important days of your life and there not going what i think you need to do is sit down and have a talk (or call ) your parnets and explain i wish i could change the dates and arrangements for my wedding but everything is all ready set and this is one of the most important days of my life it and it would scar me forever if you didn't come and it would mean the world for them to come!! just ask if they could take off work or find away to get there and offer for them to stay at your house....tell them that it hurts you that they won't be at one of the most important days that you will probally experince before being a parent and you really want your dad to give you away....i hope that helps even start crying if you have to to butter them up some and your brother idk what to say being a little rude if you ask me just when his wedding comes say no it's to far if he doesn't come and if u went to his wedding say well i was greatful enough to come and support u on this important day with no conflict at all

Answer 8

this is not an answer - but a question for you.
why are you having the ceremony in the morning & the reception that far way & so much later in the day? if it is that important for you to have your family attend why not have both in the morning/ evening at the same location
YES it IS YOUR wedding & normally I would reply to do what you want but in this instance I do feel that you are making things a bit awkward not just for your parents - BUT for other guests as well. there are certainly issues on both sides that need to be addressed

Answer 9

It's understandable that you are confused by their actions, but they don't sound willing to give in. Your wedding day should be one of the happiest days of your life and should not be a bittersweet occasion because of anyone's carelessness. Get married, enjoy the day and appreciate the people who do show up for you and your husband to be. Life is too short to try to analyze every move other people make. All families have their issues. Just be glad that you found someone to spend the rest of your life with and vow to never showcase the type of careless behavior demonstrated by your parents and siblings. Good luck!

Answer 10

I think your family is being pretty selfish and I think you should talk to them about. If my parents tried to pull something like that on my wedding day I'd be yelling at them. Your dad can take a day off (he must have some vacation time in there somewhere), your mom shouldn't allow what your dad is doing to dictate her actions and I would tell your brother-in-law that 2 hours is NOT THAT FAR and that you would have traveled just as far, if not farther for his wedding. I say SMACK some sense into your family!!

Answer 11

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