hi, i'll try to be brief...i just saw an old boyfriend (11 yrs ago we were together) and he was VERY abusive, so much so that he had to go to jail. SInce those 11 years passed I'm happily married and have two little children. My question is this, I'm looking to move to antoher apartment I can't bear to have him living in such close proximity to me. He saw me one time and kept staring and I hated myself for feeling that same fear I felt when I was 17. Can someone please offer me advice as to how to handle this, WHY ON EARTH , if fate exists do you believe I would bump into him again. I wonder what made this happen, coincidence?, fate? Am i supposed to DO somethin g? (besides move)...thanks to all for your guidance
2007-06-21 11:56:40 · 14 answers · asked by Hope 4 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
The same thing could happen to me someday, I feel for you.
He's not going to try anything (I mean it's been 11 years and he'd be stupid to, since you've probably told ppl that you've seen him & he could go to jail again).
But if seeing him is disturbing, then maybe you should move.
I know I would.
2007-06-21 12:09:01 · answer #1 · answered by lilith 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The obvious suggestion is to move, get a new, unlisted phone, or better yet a cell phone with caller I.D. if you don't have one. Return phone calls only, unless you know who is calling. Make sure he can't find out where you work, because he can follow you home and know where you live. Ask friends of that era to inform you if he is inquiring about you, and to please not give out your info. Perhaps you/your attorney can find out where he lives, so you can move in the opposite direction. Maybe the prosecutor can do something for you. It is harder to relocate to another state, but it may come to that. Sure a piece of paper "restraining order" may help, but it doesn't stop a guy with nothing to loose.
I don't believe in this fate stuff. I think coincidence is more likely.
Finally, carry a whistle, and personal mace/pepper spray. Be careful of your surroundings for a year. Don't be visible in the newspaper or public. Always have friends around you, or have an escort to your car at work.
2007-06-21 12:10:40 · answer #2 · answered by Nifty Bill 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay, first things first...You say he was abusive and had to go to jail for it. I would find out how long he has been out of jail and if he has had any other issues with violence, etc. If so, it would not be difficult to get an order of protection against him to help you feel more secure. I would also like to know (If I were you), what kind of history has he had? Maybe he has grown up enough that you are worried over nothing. The local Police Department should be very helpful with you if you let them know you were a "person of interest" in his case 11 years ago. Most important, though, is NOT TO CONTACT him in any way UNTIL you have spoken woth the Police. I hope this helps.
2007-06-21 12:05:46 · answer #3 · answered by BIG P 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do you want a legal point of view or a spiritual point of view?
For the legal point of view, if he ever tries to get to you and/or abuse you again, you call the authorities and make sure he doesn't come near you.
Perhaps he could just talk to you and ask forgiveness, I don't know, in 11 he could have changes or maybe not. (wouldn't it be nice to know though). I would talk to your husband too, so he is aware of the situation and can keep an eye open.
The spiritual point of view. It is hard, not knowin what is going on in his mind. But I would pray for him, hard, ask God's protection over any situation that could be hard, and I'd ask God to help me forgive him... I tell you this only because I've had to do the same, about an abusive person in my past. It seam God took care of that and I am not bothered by that person anymore. Furthermore, as time passed, I have come to forgive that person, and to be so much stronger, that what ever that person says and does, it doesn't affect me in anyway. I use to be a "victim" and in this way, even a stare from that person would drive me to fear. So that's all I can realy tell you.
May God protect you, give you strength and take care of this person that he may be changed in his heart.
If he ever want to meet with you to talk, you can accept, but only if you go with your husband or any good witness, that could be the condition. So perhaps you'll find out something good comes out of that, and you won't be alone.
2007-06-21 12:06:58 · answer #4 · answered by monfille 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It has happened to me so many times and there is a reason for it. The reason could be anything for example at this stage of life you had to move place and the best way to make you do so was to put this bloke near you. Also I'll add here that you are doing the correct thing to move away from this guy, when ever you escape from anything you live, if you face it you risk it.
2007-06-21 12:05:07 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Number one keep your guard up. He may have mellowed out since then, but if there are any problems report them IMMEDIATELY to police. Carry pepper spray and a cell phone (if you have one). If he ignores you, count your blessings. If he starts to repeat his old behavior be sure to notify the police and your friends. Find out where he lives. If necessary get a restraining order. Take a self-defense class. If he still doesn't get the message have someone three times his size pay him a social call to discuss his behavior to let him know that their may be consequences for being a dufus that he may not enjoy very much. Good luck and always keep your cool - it can save your life. You can freak out... afterwards.
2007-06-21 12:05:52 · answer #6 · answered by Paul Hxyz 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Its obvious that you are still afraid of this man. But you can't run from everyone that you are frightened of. Its a sorry coincidence but those are the breaks. Do something about your fear. Better locks, take a martial arts class, something to assure yourself that you don't need to be afraid.
2007-06-21 12:00:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to your husband about your fear and try to move quickly. You wouldn't want to continue to live in fear or bring back the bad memories again. And there's not much you can do in terms of the police if his abuse wasn't sexual. But you could let the police know about your concern. Best of luck.
2007-06-21 12:01:52 · answer #8 · answered by cha cha 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Buy some mace, get a weapon and learn how to use it. If you have any legal recourse, get a restraining order placed on him.
When you are walking somewhere vulnerable (ie. to your car in a parking lot) have your keys ready, carry your mace in one hand and be able to reach for your weapon before anyone is able to reach for you.
Lastly, perhaps it's time to quit renting and buy a house.
2007-06-21 12:06:01 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is anything you can do until He either stalks you, are tries to made contact with him.
Then you can get a peace bond against him.
You can't move every time you see him in your neighborhood.
grace2u
2007-06-21 12:02:52 · answer #10 · answered by Theophilus 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋