How do I deal with my jealousy over a sexual relationship my girlfriend had during a mutual break-up?

Question

Many months ago, my girlfriend and I (both in our 30s) parted because I was reluctant to go the next step. Two months into her relationship with someone else, I fought to get her back. She lost sleep and couldn't decide. After many weeks, she came back to me, saying she ended with the new guy because he was much younger and not ready to settle down (I now am). She said my pleading had nothing to do with that break up. We love each other, but now I fear she came back only because she couldn't have the new guy. I keep wondering whether she delayed because she liked him more, or if the sex was better, etc. (If so, I know she wouldn't tell me that). My friends think I should just be happy she's back, and that says it all. How do I get over the jealousy? Girls: Should I assume I compare favorably with the new guy if she is willing to go back to me? I guess I'd hate to be her sentimental or practical choice and him her sexual/romantic choice.

Answer 1

You should probably look into yourself if you really feel comfortable being back with her. If you are bothered by her dating someone else and have issues with what transpired when you weren't together, there is alot of baggage that won't go away overnight. When you're in a relationship, you either have to completely give your trust to someone or not.

If you can't get over it, you should probably not be with her as it will cause tension in the future. You have to accept what she tells you and not second-guess it. Otherwise, the relationship will not be healthy.

Answer 2

your friends are right you should be happy that she back with you. Most likey when she was with the younger guy, she realized that he was immature and not ready to make a commitment. i seriously doubt that she got back with you for anyother reason than just loving you. jealousy is a hard to over come. some have just more than others, but what i would suggest is that you sit down with her one on one in a quiet place with no distractions. and simply tell he how you feel about her and the other guy, get your feelings across. because this will let her know that you having a hard time with it all. [the best way to relieve pain or something thats bothering you is to let it all out] and after you are done with your side let her explain what happend with this guy. [and LISTEN] and get all of that done with. and everything should be okay.

Answer 3

ok.. u fought to get her back knowing she was with another. i dont think u thought of how u would feel if u actually got her back, n now u know its buggin u to think she was with another man. but look at it like this she obvious went back to u for a dayum good reason. Dont dwell on the past life is too short so what if he had her, u have her now and thats all that should matter dont worry about anything else, concentrate on keepin her happy and make sure ur happy too!!! forgive and forget if shes worth fighting for shes worth forgiving. Think about whats important. Dont be jelous and dont think she chose him over u remember she wanted to take the next step with u before she even started this relationship wit this other guy. think of its as u needed time to be ready and now u are so move on together and take the step. well good luck and much success in this relationship!

Answer 4

let me tell you somthing, me and my guy had a similar situation in the 2 months i met another guy, now we didnt go all the way but we did things and as a girl i can tell you this, no girl will go back to the ex if the other guys sex is better. you are better and she loves you, you have to know that...to this day i still get jelousy from my guy becuase he feels the way you do, i came back because i love him and he knows how to make me feel good if you know what i meen, your the better guy all around thats why shes back, now be happy and get married!

Answer 5

One question do you love her? If so the past and everything that happened should not bother you. When you love something let it go, if it comes back to you it is yours forever, as I see it this is what happened. Everything else is immaterial. You have the woman you love back, what else is there?Worrying about this, or questioning this will only ruin your relationship, accept the fact that she loves you without question and you two will have a happy life.

Answer 6

yup she only came back cos she got dumped by that other guy. she fell back on you cos women cant stand to be alone. hey dont be upset tho i mean now u got your lady back tho i would be weary if she was ridin that other guy, most likely he was havin sex with other women behind her back so it seems like this girl is weak (arent all women?). now that i think about this i would not take her back as a girlfriend, just a F buddy.

Answer 7

Well, Im only 25, but if it where me I only would have went back to the guy I loved/wanted more. So there you have it, but some women are differant and I don't know her.

Answer 8

well, if yoiu truly love her then it shouldnt matter. it's true that it sucks if she liked you more than the other girl b/c of sex or whatever but hey, she still liked you more. like you said, she left you at first b/c you wouldnt settle down with her. if you are ready now, then that should be the matter. i would let go of the jealousy

Answer 9

I am happy for you cos she is with you whatever happened in the past, you are the one she choose now, don't let her down man, and just be there for her and promise never break her heart..

Answer 10

Get over it. If she is back with you she wants to be back with you. Don't beat yourself up about why she is back with you, just make it work treat her so well that she forgets all about the other guy!