How should I react when my boyfriend's family prays before eating?

Question

I find it extremely awkward when I go over my boyfriend's parents or grandparents house to eat, or when we all go out to dinner together. Before eating anything they hold hands together and bow their heads and pray, even at restaurants. I am atheist, so I feel very uncomfortable when this happens. I don't care that they do this, I respect their tradition, I just am not sure what I should do during this time. Should I join hands with them even though I believe firmly against religion, or do I just sit there and wait until they are done? I have done both before and still feel weird everytime. I don't want to be rude or upset his family, but I feel it is making a mockery of their religion to participate if my heart is not in it. Any suggestions?

Are there any ideas besides these two? Can I just excuse myself from the table or will that just call more attention to it?

Answer 1

I don't think it's a mockery to be respectful of someone else's beliefs. If you're a guest in their home, all the more you should respect their beliefs. Sitting quietly, either joining the hand holding or not (whichever is more comfortable for you), is sufficient. It's not quite on the same level, but if someone were toasting someone else & if you didn't believe in the toast, what would you do? Probably sit quietly and not draw attention to yourself. Doing the same while they pray is only a sign of respect; it's not agreeing to their beliefs.

Answer 2

If you feel really uncomfortable joining hands, then don't do it, but I'd advise you to join hands and sit quietly while they pray.

It really doesn't have anything to do with their religion so much as it is respect for their tradition... kind of like how some families like to being Thanksgiving dinner by discussing what they are thankful for. Some people really hate doing this, too! But the idea is that, for whatever reason, it makes their family happy and so you shrug it off and accept it as the way they do things.

(If it helps, pretend that it IS something like giving thanks on Thanksgiving... which is also not something that my family did, but something that I can understand other people doing.)

Answer 3

Excusing yourself from the table will just cause them to wait until you return before beginning the prayer. The hand holding is not part of prayer. There is no reason not to participate in that part of their tradition. Simply sit quietly and allow them to say their prayer. If you aren't comfortable doing this, don't go for dinner.

Answer 4

In a private home you sit quietly while they do their prayer. It is not necessary for you to hold hands or participate in any way, but neither should you start eating, or be looking around the room in a bored manner. Regardless of your personal beliefs, etiquette deems that you respect the rules and traditions of the household once you've entered their home. It does not mean that you are obliged to be a part of them however.

Praying in restaurants is foolish and pretentious.

Answer 5

I'm sure you don't want to make a statement - to be emphatic that you're atheist - by refusing to hold hands. I'm sure you're sensitive to the possibility that you would offend the family by refusing to hold hands and sit respectfully for the 15 seconds of prayer. So ... hold hands and wait the 15 seconds. You're not expected to pray, just be polite. If this is impossible for you or if YOU are offended, the only option is to politely decline any future dinner invitations.

Answer 6

Obviously, it does bother you and if you really did respect their religious right, you wouldn't complain. If you choose not to hold hands then explain that to them. Hopefully, they will give you the same respect in return. Prayer doesn't last but a minute, so finding something to do while they pray really shouldn't be a problem. Unless they are really long winded, you wouldn't even have time to say the alphabet to yourself before it would be time to eat.

Answer 7

It would be awkward to not participate, since you are an atheist and you don't believe there is a god, you shouldn't feel as if lightning will strike you if you Amen an innocent and very respectful blessing of a meal! I'll quote my father who has stage 4 colon cancer "it's better to have believed and find there is no God than not to believe and find yourself at the gates of hell!" I certainly never push people to believe but you shouldn't make people that are making an effort to be good religious followers into feeling awkward. You can always decline the invitation.

Answer 8

I am assuming that you have not told them that you are an atheist yet and that may be the thornier path depending on their acceptance of non-believers. When joining hands, it is the symbol of the completed circle that is important and it would be rude for them to join hands in front of you (making you feel excluded from their circle). Best to join hands and quietly meditate until they are done. This shows solidarity with them as a family. If asked to lead prayer, quietly decline and explain later.

Answer 9

Either live with it , bowing your head for that time, or realize that it bothers you and you need to not go. They all arent going to change so thats about it. I think a lot of people go through the motions of it without total commitment so you wouldnt be the only one 'making a mockery'. But more importantly, it might be an issue with your boyfriend if he is not an atheist and you are.

Answer 10

You should join hands and stay quiet until they are finished. Have respect for them. You are not being a hypocrit, you are being respectful of their ways. If you are uncomfortable joining hands with them, just sit quietly until they are finished.
I bless my food before eating but I don't join hands and I don't bow my head and close my eyes. I just thank God for the food and bless those who prepared it in Jesus name. Quick and simple. Jesus looked to heaven and said Thank you and that was it.
You seem to know how to be a nice person. Just stay quiet and give them their prayer time.