A man who hit in response to getting hit is a bad guy?

Question

Ok. My friend was dating a guy and they were having a "period of silence" but he was making her walk home in the snow everyday from college (about 1/2 mile) even though she shared the cost of buying a car with him. She only had a learning permit and not a driver's license at the time. She started saying things to him (e.g. she also paid for the car) and he was giving the silent treatment. She slapped him. He walked away. She later apologized-he hugged her. Many days later, during another argument in the car he back-handed her in the face (jaw hurt for two days). In another argument she swung at his face with a LOT of momentum and shook his whole jaw when she slapped him. He lost control and hit her back many times (even in the head) and to the point that he had to give her medicine to keep her from getting swelling. His "out of control" temper gave her emotional trauma. They broke up-she left him. Now he wants to hook up with me. Should I steer clear?

My friend is no longer my friend. She was also using this guy for money...about $1500 per month of using...every last dime he had. Also, I KNOW this guy is not sexually abusive or anything. They were tenants (my parents owned the place). He is also the ONLY man I have been able to trust my son with (besides my own father) which is a HUGE deal because I don't even trust my ex with my son. My parents love him (the guy) and have a VERY poor opinion of the friend (girl). This man has babysat my son for me when I worked, given me massages, helped me move, taken care of my son when I had surgery and is very generous. I hope now some of you can see why I have this dilemma.

Answer 1

of course- you know the rule- never go out with your best friend's ex.


Thankfully they broke up - there was no respect there. Why in hell would you even consider him.

Find yourself a nice guy- instead of hitting girls, he could be man enough and just walk away.

Answer 2

Excuse me, but there were two people involved in all of this. She contributed to the situation with her own violent actions, so it wasn't just his temper that was a factor. And you don't know how she physically treated him otherwise, so she might have been assaulting him more and in ways you aren't aware of.

If you're planning on being physically aggressive towards him should you not like something, then you shouldn't get involved with him, as he might just give you back what you dish out.

And quite frankly I'm tired of loaded questions, those that are or attempt to be one-sided and also paint the female as ever the victim.

Additional: You are probably intelligent enough to realize that people behave differently with different people, which is why it isn't always wise to judge someone by their relationship with another person, whether that relationship be good or bad. You can gauge in some general ways how they might be by how they are with others, some basic characteristics they will always display, but not the specifics of how they will be with each individual they come upon.

To me it seems from the little you've told us that he put up with a lot of abuse from this girl/woman and that he only lashed out when she added to it by being physically abusive to him as well. True, he went over the edge in that respect, but she had gone far over the edge a number of times in other respects before this. As I said previously, she contributed greatly to the reaction she received from him. He did not react to nothing and I have my doubts that he would have reacted in such a fashion had he not been abused extensively by her before and then just prior to his lashing out. I also doubt that he would physically harm you unless you brought any confrontation you might have with him to the physical level first.

Personally, I am tired of women/girls being of the mind that they are allowed to do as they please in a physical manner towards a guy with impunity. While I do feel that physical violence should be avoided whenever possible even if it is visited upon you, and should it be given back it should never exceed what was given to you, I also feel that people, all people, should expect and not be surprised to reap what they sow.

Answer 3

Are you kidding me? This is the dumbest question I have ever read.

BOTH of these people need therapy. Hitting is never, ever, EVER appropriate. Some moron is going to say he was provoked the third time, but what about the second when he backhanded her in the car? Again, hitting is inappropriate (with very few exceptions).

And honestly, if she is your friend, going out with her ex doesn't make you much of a friend, does it? There's a code of ethics here.

They are both abusive. If you have any sense whatsoever, you will steer FAR away from him and ask her to get help.

Answer 4

once you get hit interior the nuts you pick to throw up, or I do a minimum of. it is not merely the discomfort however the undeniable fact that it triggers one in each of those gag reflex, and it hurts your delight too. The actual discomfort is approximately as undesirable as slamming your hand in a vehicle door. of direction there are worse pains inspite of the undeniable fact that this is undesirable and there is an danger that for some adult adult males it fairly is probably going one in each of the worst that they have got felt. I certainly have broken my hand and a few hands and that i will say i could fairly wreck my hand than get hit interior the balls, it hurts approximately as undesirable and there is way less emotional trauma. The testicles and penis are very comfortable area of the physique, there are a number of nerve endings and the techniques is familiar with we are meant to guard that section. a fulfillment there isn't purely a fulfillment on some tissue. merely how females say adult adult males will on no account be attentive to the discomfort of childbirth you will on no account be attentive to the discomfort of smashed berries.

Answer 5

you should definently NOT hook up w/ this guy. even if she did hit him first, it is completely unfair for a guy to hit a girl, in comparison of strength, and therefore immoral. even if you do believe in second chances, if the guy says it was just his temper, he couldn't control it, then he won't be able to control it on you either. besides, think about how bad it would make your friend feel to see him with you! NOT a good idea.

Answer 6

Definatly. Unless your friend is a body builder and has insanely powerful arms, he had no cause to smack her back like that. If he can lose control just like that, back up and let him go. What'll happen when he does that to YOU? I would've snapped his neck the first time he backhanded me. Steer clear, all right.

Answer 7

Honey, the potential is there for violence. Your girlfriend may have been wrong in starting things.....but I think she was trying to get his attention. Do you really want to have to beg for car privileges and/or anything you want to be equal in the equation?

Hard to find decent guys.....but don't you think you ought to look else where? Plus what does it say to your "girl friend"?

Answer 8

Yes, you should steer clear! Duh!!! Just because your friend is a psycho doesn't give him the right to hit her, or even to hit her back. And it sounds like they were both to blame for their screwed up relationship. Why are you even talking to this guy? Don't even think about it. Run away!

Answer 9

RUN!!!! Any man that would hit a woman is BAD NEWS!! Of course, any woman that would hit a man is just as bad. DO NOT date this guy. If he beat on your friend, he WILL beat on you. If he says he got counseling and would never do it again, RUN!!!

Answer 10

yea. not only did he hit her.. he went out with your friend and so you should steer clear anyway out of respect. he might think it ok to hit you first and then where will you be? yes steer clear.