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Question

I am 21 and this summer I decided to be an Au Pair for a Family that is about 600 miles away from my home. The children are 10 and 7 and the parents are in their early 30's. I have been here for about a month and the children are absolutely horrible. The older child is constantly punching and hitting the younger child to the point where the younger child is crying and wont stop. The older child does not listen and does as he wants. The father is hardly ever home and the mother turns a blind eye to it. When she does finally punish him she takes away him watching wresling but he is aloud to watch it a day later. She feels his bad behavior is from watching wrestling. She says he his normally not like this but I can tell he is always like this. Today he came home at 1 and invited two friends over without asking then precided to get into the pool without asking. While in the pool he was hitting his brother. When his mom got home I told her and she yelled at me and said I act just like him.

Answer 1

It is unfortunate that this mother cannot see what's clearly in front of her face. Many times it's hard for parents to admit the flaws in their children (all children AND adults have flaws!).

You could, if you had the means, to secretly videotape or audiorecord the children. This may backfire, however; the parents may be concentrating on what YOU are doing wrong.

If I were you, I'd get the h*ll out of there. Better yet, give the parents very little notice. Instead of verbally explaining why you are leaving, write them a big long letter. Chances are, you'll get cut off in the middle if you try to verbally explain.

You think it's a bad idea to leave? Think about what could happen in the long run. The oldest boy could very well seriously injure the youngest. You will most likely be blamed. The oldest could also very well go somewhere without telling you (such as the pool) and get seriously hurt. You will most likely be blamed for that as well.

Good luck to you.... you're going to need it!

Answer 2

if you have a license then take the little girl to the hospital every time her brother hits her. let the hospital know the whole situation.

while you are watching him make sure you WATCH him. don't let him out of your sight. you should have taken the other kids home when he brought them into the house. if he goes crazy (like some kids will do for attention) call the police and tell them you are in charge of this child and he needs a TDO (temporary detainment order - 72 hours at the 'psych ward'). the parents will get an understanding of how out of control he is. child protective services might get involved to take the kids away from the parents.

i don't care how much money someone has. not everyone should be parents.

personally, i would hog tie the kid with ductape; outside while everyone else is enjoying the pool. check in on him occassionally and tell him 'if you knew how to behave you could have fun, too. if you say anything other than ' i love my babysitter ' i will make sure you never see them again'.

Answer 3

You do not say whether you are considering quitting the job, but you should. If you are going to be blamed for the fact that the children, or at least the older one, is completely uncivilized, perhaps there is nothing to do but leave. You won't get a good reference from such people anyway, as they have shown themselves willing to blame you for their own failures.

On the other hand, it's easy to feel sorry for the kids, because they are being brought up all wrong. Do you think you could talk to them about being gentlemen, learning the sort of manners they will need when they grow up, and perhaps give them something to be proud about? If you can gain their trust, to where they want to please you, it may be possible to rescue them from what will otherwise be almost certain problems as adults.

It's not easy. There is not much you can do without the parents' cooperation, but you can try. The question is whether you are willing to risk having it backfire if they talk to their parents about what you have said or done. The parents are not likely to approve -- undermining my authority, etc. -- but it would be noble of you to try to help these little savages.

And ditch the wrestling on TV altogether. Get them out of the house during the time it is on. Maybe you can take them places where the people who run the place will insist they leave if they do not behave, and explain to them that learning to act like gentlemen will admit them to places where they would otherwise be excluded. It's hard, because where do you start to instill the interest in finer things? Pride in their heritage, perhaps; a history museum or a historical monument. Possibly one with a park or lawn where they can run around and burn off some of that energy.

Good luck. You have an uphill battle if you decide not to simply quit. I confess that would be my impulse: get out of there with your sanity intact.

Answer 4

Watch that Nanny show on TV. The Nanny comes into the house, makes rules for eveyone, and enforces them with time outs. The time outs are age appropriate, so many minutes according to the child's age.
And she teaches the parents what to do, and to be consistant, and both parents have to mind the rules, or it doesn't work.
You could do the time outs on your time, and make the kids at least mind you.
And the parents should not question your authority, unless of course you are obviously abusive, which I am sure you are not.
If you can'tmake them mind, and the parents are way to critical, time for a new job..

Answer 5

Wow, I would sit the parents down and set them straight. It may be that they don't want to hear it but be ready for their actions.
Tell them you are concerned, if in fact you truly are. Ask them what guide lines you and they can set for the kids and that you need their support in following through.
Someone needs to stand tall to these kids now before it is way too late.
Good luck!

Answer 6

it sounds like a bad situation for you,the kid has no respect for you and he won't with a mother that doesn't care. you should get out of there. you cannot do the job you were trained to do if you stay.

Answer 7

you must be desperate for answers this the second time you posted this plus you need questions for answers