Why do people say being a SAHM is the hardest thing in the world....?

Question

I hear people complain about being a stay-at-home-mom ALL the time. It drives me nuts! They talk about not having enough sanity. They talk about not having time to do anything. They talk about never having a break. They talk about everything that is so hard.

If being a stay at home mom was SO hard then why are there SO many stay at home moms [who remember "don't get a break"] online at Y!A? You would've thought that if it were that hard then there would be no one on here.

Are these people just whiners by nature? LOL! This is seriously driving me crazy!

Do you think that being a stay at home mom is hard? If so, why? If not, why?

Thank you!

--Stay at home mother of two boys.--

For the record, I'm not saying it's easy either. There are challenges but in no way do I feel people have the right to COMPLAIN about it. If anything they should be overwhelmingly grateful to be able to.

It's all about attitude. I do everything just the same. Do I get a whole bunch of support? Not really. Is it worth complaining about? Not really. Being a SAHM is a CHOICE. Being a mother is a CHOICE. If you don't want either then don't do it!

As far as I am concerned venting is about something you choose is not okay. Asking for solutions to your problems is great! I love that.

This is not only online. These are women I speak to briefly in the grocery store. These are women who are in my play group. These are women at the park. These are women in the beauty parlor getting their nails done. These are women everywhere!

Answer 1

I agree. I give them credit for running their household and raising there children. But, I've known stay at home moms and honestly, I don't understand it either.

My mother worked full-time, took care of 2 kids and had a sparkling clean household. Now, that's a tough job. She never got a break. She use to say that stay-home moms took advantage of their position.

Stay at home moms wake up every morning and make their own schedules. Sure they have to get the kids off to school on time and their lunches made, they have to do the laundry and clean the house; but so do working women. The stay at homes get to create their own schedule. If they decide to do laundry at 11am and don't get around to it until noon, it's not the end of the world. In the business world, if you don't get your work in by deadline, you're screwed.

I give mothers, of all kinds, credit. But, stay at home mothers do have it much easier then working women. I'm sorry, they just do.

They have the luxury of being at home and doing only one job. Being a mother. They are doing what they are suppose to be doing, but they are given more time. My mother use to do 5 loads of laundry in the morning before work and 5 loads after. That's only maybe 6 hours of time for laundry. A stay at home has 24, get what I'm saying.

I think stay at home moms are just unaware of that fact that they work at their own pace. If they had so much to do, they should budget their time better.

Answer 2

I think there is a certain breed of woman that is meant to be a sahm. And now a days they are very few and far between! Alot of women feel trapped by the same daily routine and actually enjoy going to work, just to get out of the house and away from the kids. It isnt that these women dont love thier kids. But to some (me for example) going to work is thier me time. Its a time to go and be an adult for a while, why they kids, are safe with someone else.

Right now I am a sahm, and I love it. I have been for the last nine months since my second son was born. This way I have been able to ensure my newborn got everything he needed, and my three year old got enough attention too. We have lots of fun at home. But that doesn't meen I dont enjoy my me time. One of the reasons I stayed home after baby#2 is so I could go back to school. After I have finished my Nationals, and my youngest is a year old, I will be returning to work.

In the defence of the moms who do complain about how hard it is to be a sahm, not everyones situation is the same. If you have weak discipline methods, you time at home with them kids wont be fun. Also these mothers could have multiple kids with multiple problems, one may be teething, while the other is potty training, and the third has the flu? Maybe dad doesnt help out at all. Whatever thier current problem is, YA is a way for them to vent. So dont be too jugemental on thier behalf. You never know the whole story, and who knows maybe youll find yourself in a similar situation in the future and feel thier pain?

And venting should be acceptable. Everyone gets frustrated sometimes, regardless of what they do. Just because you chose to be a sahm, doesnt meen your not going to need advice, or a place to let your frustrations out once in a while. Plus for some people reassurance from strangers is a good thing. So when they get frustrated, and post it on here, and 15 -20 people tell them its ok. They find relief.

Answer 3

Endless chores that have to be redone time and time again. Crying children all the time. No other adults to talk to- a 2 year old is not the best conversationalist. If I never saw a diaper again I would be thankful. Being online is not a break as we are all still running the house and taking care of the kids while online. I am a nanny and have three kids I care for every day I am not a SAHM but do the same job. I work 12 hour days and watch the kids sometimes in the evening when the parents need a "night out"!!

Answer 4

Everything you said about being a SAHM is true, it's just that some people choose to complain about it. I personally have been doing it for almost a year now and I love it, and hate it at the same time. I love spending time with my son, never missing when he does something new, making sure my house is taken care of the way I want it done, and knowing that I am the one who provides for him more than anyone else. But there is the constant chores from sun up to sun down, rarely getting a break, not having any of your own money and the people who look down on you saying how lucky you are that you don't have a JOB! Which they are right SAHM don't have a 40 hour a week job, they have a 168 hour a week job, 24 hours a day. I agree with you to the fact that SAHM shouldn't complain about what they have, I think I am so lucky that the father of my son has no problem stepping up and working extra so we don't have to find a sitter or deal with daycare. But I also think that the women who go to a job, shouldn't ever look down on SAHM because we all work so hard to provide for our family in one way or another.

Answer 5

Sure I think being a SAHM is hard. No harder that any other 9-5er though. I just don't think most SAHMs get enough credit. Most of the time they're just passed over for the working class...those that "bring home the bacon."

Well...I'm in school right now. One or two classes on campus when I can and the rest are online. I cook, I clean, I shop (for everything around the house). I maintain this household. My son is pre-school three half-days a week. That's when I get all my housework done. The days he's home I do what I can and try to entertain him. I'm also pregnant with my second. That just adds extra fatigue.

SAHMs don't have a set schedule. I start working from the moment I wake up. I'm done working the second my head hits the pillow...unless of course I get a visitor my little one in the night because of a bad dream.

I don't complain though. This is what I chose. Sure I get tired. Any kind of work is tiring. Sure I get fed up with it sometimes...everyone gets fed up with their job. Would I give it up?? No way. I love being here for my son. I feel that I ultimately keep things running smoothly. All I have to do is step back and look at my family. There's nothing better than this. Those that complain...that get really fed up and whine...they're probably not cut out to be SAHMs.

Answer 6

I think that there are two sides to every story. I am not a stay at home mom but I remember when my daughter was first born I did go a little bonkers from being home all day. As soon as my OB gave me the green light to drive I was out of the house as much as I could with the baby. I think it's mostly about what each person can tolerate.
My cousin's wife who is a stay at home mom with three boys hit upon a great solution to burnout: she makes sure she gets one hour of alone time each day. Even the younger boys know not to bug mom when she needs her down time. She tells me that just an hour is enough to recharge her batteries.

What I think is the hardest thing in the world is trying to be wife, mother, housekeeper, babysitter, referee and chauffer all in one, and if you also work outside the home you have to be a professional working woman too.

Are there SAHM on here that are whiners? Sure, but we don't know their particular situation. I try not to get involved in the SAHM vs. working mom issues. Why is one better than the other anyway - we all have to make sacrifices and choices for our children.

Answer 7

I'm a stay at home mom and I work at home also. It's not really all that hard for me cause my husband does help me out a lot with the house. Not with the baby...but with the house. I can't say that it's hard persay...but it's a little aggivating when I don't really have a break...and literally, I don't have a break, cause when she sleeps, I work to give us another income.

I interact with my child...so, when she plays, I play with her. When my husband is home...I still change her diapers and give her bath and get her ready for bed. So...no, I really don't get a break.

You may feel differently than the mom's that do say that it's so hard to be a SAHM.

Some SAHM take things in differently. Every person is different and every person handles things differently. What may come easy for you may be harder for me. Does that make sense to you?

I know some women that are SAHM that don't take a shower everyday because they aren't very good at mult tasking.

I can't really judge people that say being a SAHM is so hard, because like I said, every mother is different, and handles things differently.

Answer 8

I think it's really difficult in some ways and really easy in others. I find that it is soooo difficult to keep a schedule, to do these brainless chores every day like the dishes and vacuuming and eventually I "take a week off." I always assumed SAHM's were complaining about how it never stops, day night weekends vacations whatever, we are the main responsible parent because we don't work and we'd feel guilty leaving that responsibility on him when he's home. Plus for me its a bit of jealousy, I try to "Live through him" because when he comes home he is truely relaxed whereas for me there is no breakroom. I sleep here I eat here, I socialize here, I have fun here, so even if I "take time to myself" I'm still not having a great time because I'm just thinking about how I will have to clean this up later... I'm always "working" in that way, it's completely in my own head.
But other than that I have too much "wasting time" time. LOL. I just had a talk with my husband last night about how I spend so much time beating off the boredom or procrastinating chores, I have missed a lot of quality time with my son. Just my experience.
My overall opinion of staying at home:
A great learning experiance, and a long awaited lesson in discipline that I'm sure will serve me well later in life. I wouldn't complain to another woman that it's hard, it's only hard because I make it that way and I know it. And I'm proud that I am one of the lucky parents out there who chose to challenge our "material world" and make the sacrifices to make sure my son has been raised by me and not strangers.

Answer 9

No matter what, people are going to complain.

I can see that being a SAHM is probably quite stressful. There's the perception that they "don't work", they may feel like their finances are doled out by their husband, they work at the same job all day long.

From my perspective, being a full-time employed person outside of the home, and a single mom with the dad absent (refuses to participate unless he gets his way, which is a way I disagree very strongly with), no financial assistance from the dad, and daycare is half my income, well - stay at home moms are pretty darned lucky. But that's just my whine ;-)

But to me this all falls into the category of "don't judge another until you've walked a mile in her shoes while carrying a toddler, diaper bag, and groceries."

Answer 10

Well, for me, being a stay at home mom isnt "hard". She's quite an easy child (2 years old)

What is hard is the fact that NO ONE will EVER give me even one day off. A job allows a couple days off a week, and is only 8 or so hours a day. Being Mom is 24/7 as I'm sure you know. While I love being a mom, I havent been out to a movie in over a year. I havent been out to dinner with my husband in about 8 months. The only time I see my friends is when they come over, and we have to talk over the sound of Barney in the background. Yes, my daughter is WELL worth it and I am BLESSED to be here with her, but that doesnt mean that being a SAHM is all smiles and rainbows. I have free time because I only sleep 8 hours a night, and my daughter sleeps 12, and takes a 2 hour nap. And when they are babies, they sleep at least 16 hours a day, just not all at once. The only thing is, its not true "free time", because I'm still at home and responsible for her. Just because she's sleeping doesnt mean I can go out to lunch with a friend or something.

Its not really "hard", as in difficult. Its just demanding, and we dont ever get to take off our "Mom" hats, while our husbands and everyone else with a "job", get to take off their "bread winner" hats every day.

Answer 11

Yes, I think it's very hard. Much more difficult than going to a job every day and dropping them at daycare or with childcare. I speak from experience. I had a job with my first daughter and left her at home with a sitter. Then, with my second, I quit my job and now stay home. It is much harder to stay at home. I enjoy it MUCH more than working, but the hardest part of the SAHM day is limited social interaction, sometimes very boring work (housework, diaper changing, referee to toddlers) and endless undone household tasks. And....I can NEVER go anywhere without dragging my little ones along. It's such a blessing when I get to go grocery shopping by myself or ANYWHERE by myself.......something non-SAHM moms take for granted. I also think there is some needless whining (I've been guilty myself!) and sometimes I get on Y/A to relieve my stress or boredom from the relentless routine of screaming kids, dirty diapers, dirty dishes, and a house that will not stay clean because the little monkeys constantly destroy it. Also, keep in mind MANY of the people on Y/A admit that they are at work and not working. Everyone needs a break sometimes and personally, I take my Y/A break, then I end up staying up half the night trying to get my housework done after the kids are asleep. It's a vicious, guilt-ridden cycle for some of us. However,with all that said, I think SAHM is the best job in the world and I am SO grateful that I have the opportunity to stay home with them and don't have to leave them in daycare all day. I think this is a very good question. I think some SAHMs just need to put their job in perspective and moms that are "working" moms outside the home need to respect the fact that the job of a SAHM is not just sitting around watching soaps all day and painting toenails. It's hard work...especially if you never have a sitter to help you with anything or even just give you a break so you can have a few minutes to yourself without having a kid tugging at you.