Scared? Please give advice.?

Question

I feel like I'm always scared of the stupidest things...I always get scared that someone is in my room at night, or under my bed, or that there is someone in my house that is going to hurt me. I am not 12 years old either, I am 19 years old and I know that I shouldn't be having these fears. My boyfriend is also in the fire academy training to be a firefighter and I'm always so scared that something will happen to him when he's a firefighter and he'll be killed, or severely injured. I don't want to get on any medicine besides natural medications because I know how addicting all that stuff can be, and also bad for your health. I want to know if anyone else is experiencing this, and what they are doing about it, or what their suggestions are. Serious advice is welcome. Thankyou.

Answer 1

Fears will always be part of your life ... so you shouldn't feel like you shouldn't have them. It's natural to feel them. However, you have to be consciously aware of yourself when you feel them and recognize that it should not control you.

Step 1:
What I've found to work is controlling my breathing to help relax when the feeling comes. Learning how to do meditative breathing helps. When you get afraid, your breathing becomes short and quick; this breathing pattern encourages your anxiety to get worse. So taking long deep breaths helps the physical response. "Relaxation is incompatible with feeling fearful or having anxiety, so it is said that the relaxation response counters the fear response."

Step 2:
Next is the psychological. Since most of your fears sound like it's all in your mind (most fears are), you can work against it by doing certain mental exercises, such as:

- Do random acts of courage everyday. Even the smallest act of courage, like approaching a stranger and starting a conversation will get your mental state prepared for facing some small fears. Eventually, your body will be conditioned better to face fears also. This will make you a stronger person overall - and more confident. The more confident you feel about yourself, the more well-being you will feel ... and the less fearful you will feel.

- Figure out how certain fears can be funny. Humor and fear cannot exist at the same time. If you laugh at the things you fear, you will no longer fear them. For example, in your fear of someone in your house that is going to hurt you ... think of someone that makes you laugh, would never hurt you, and puts you at ease ... like Will Smith! Every time you're imagining someone inside your house, imagine Will Smith in a pink apron making brownies. Be creative and focus on how the image makes you feel. Remember, breathe! It may not work right away, but with practice ... you should get over your fears in a matter of weeks.

You can find more about overcoming your anxieties using these methods from:
1. A psychiatrist - they can provide you professional advice for non-medication alternatives (you don't need to resort to this unless it absolutely overcomes your normal daily life)

2. Some self-help books at your local book store. Look up stuff on NLP (neural linguistic programming, ie. talking yourself through), anxieties, fears, OCD, meditation, yoga. There are exercises like the ones I've mentioned that can help you "come to terms" with what you feel.

Answer 2

I think maybe you are under too much stress and just need to take a time out.
I used to worry allot too and sometimes to the point that I thought I was going crazy.
But as I aged and matured I realized that I can't worry about all of the 'what if's' and just focus on what's happening right now.
If you are afraid of the boogies you can do what I used to do and hang a cross above your bed and leave a night light on.
I'm not afraid anymore of the scary stuff because I've since been saved and am now a child of God.
In order for anything to get to me it has to go through Jesus and that just isn't going to happen.
If you want anymore help or any advice just e-mail me and I'll do whatever I can.
And pray for your boyfriend's safety and he will be protected by the Lord our God and he'll be OK.
Take care and God bless.

I wanted to add that I don't think you should consider taking anti-depressants.They only make things worse and allot of people while taking them have committed suicide.And some have even become psychotic,so please don't go that route no matter what anyone tells you.
Chammomile tea is excellent for calming ones nerves you can drink it hot or make it as an iced tea.I really like it ice cold the best.Just fill a small pot with bottled water,boil it then turn off the flame and place about 4 or 5 tea bags into the pot.Let it sit for about 7 minutes then take out the tea bags and pour the liquid into a pitcher of bottled water and stir.
Pour into a glass filled with ice and presto you will have the best tasting ice tea you have ever had and it's great for calming you down and is good for your health too.
You can do the same with green tea and it's just as good for your health and is great for rehydrating you if your really thirsty.

Answer 3

I am 22 and I have had the same problem for as long as I can remember.Now I have a two year old daughter and I am even more scared that something might happen to her.I know that it sound weird but I think that My fears come possibly from a past life [you may or may not believe in that stuff] but I do.I was put on medicine for a long time and it only got worse.Now I just take it one day at a time and try my best not to worry to much.At night is the worst for me it usually take forever.Now I go through the house open all the doors and look everywhere to tell myself that nothing is going to happen.Then I go to my room and light some candles and relax as much as possible and think positive thoughts.It really does help.Hope you find a way to deal with your fears.Good luck.

Answer 4

Ok here i thought i was the only one! I am 22 going on 23 in two months, and i have relatively the same problems! Except mine are a little more complex then that of what you speak of! I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and bipolar two and a half years ago! Also add, adhd, ocd and manic deppression and anxiety when i was a kid! I had a traumatic past and i never dealt with it so this is the result! Now i am not saying everyone who has those problems has mental disorders by no means! But honestly i think alot of my problem is an overactive imaganation and drinking caffeine and smoking late at night play a big part! For instance right about 2 hours you go to bed read a romance novel or something to call your mind down! Also i wouldnt drink and caffeine ether! Get a big glass of milk, water or juice! Do something relaxing! I know it sounds silly but buy a night light! Theres nothing wrong with grown people being affriad!
I hope i helped a little!


Wow i got a thumbs down? FOR WHAT? WOW

Answer 5

I used to have the same exact problem. Someone gave me really good advice that truly helped. They said to imagine that your worst fear comes true. So lets say someone breaks into your house. Have a plan. How will you handle it? What can you do to be prepared? Perhaps always have your cell phone nearby –in the same room that you are. Put one of those cheap alarms on the widow—the little ones that ring when the window is opened. Have an escape plan from your bedroom. It sounds silly but just thinking about all my options and what I could do if something happened –having a plan. You make yourself less helpless and more ready to deal with the worst case scenario.

As far as your boyfriend being a fireman—that is not something I relate to directly. But, I am sure that similar tactics might help. Explore how you would deal with crisis and how you would rebound.

Answer 6

Honey, it sounds like you have an anxiety disorder, which is really not that big of deal. I am a firefighter/paramedic and come across people that have anxiety similar to yours, they often escalate into panic attacks and call for an ambulance. You need to find a doctor that your comfortable with, someone that you feel wont judge you about your fears and worries. They may prescribe meds, they may offer alternative therapy if your concerned about medications. Narcotics are really the only drugs that you should worry about dependency, anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds are OK as long as you stay away from tricycl.. As for your fear for your boyfriend, I face that myself every day I go to work. It is OK to worry, just know that we work in teams, and we are not going to let a team member down. Fire departments are families and we take care of our own. There are lot of safety measures taken in any situation that we go in. Don't let it scare you to the point that it incapacitates you. Talk to other fire dept. wives/husbands and see how they deal with it. Just talking to someone else in the same boat might help some. Good luck, take care and be safe out there!

Answer 7

Try Watching SOmehting Happy Before You Go To Sleep Or Keep A Night Light In Your Room... Best Advice Pray

Answer 8

Hun, dont stop at being scared. Write out your fears, make a list. and once you completed that list see what you can do in the event things happen. Write the solutions down to and you may even want to practice implementing solutions. Eg. if there is an intruder in the house, keep a baseball bat by your bed. If there is a spider in the tub- do you have bug spray that works. Fear can only be overcome by actions to deal with it. Good Luck.

Answer 9

You could have some form of an anxiety disorder. I used to worry about things like that all the time, and finally decided that enough was enough and began to gradually let go of my worries. I would force myself to look under the bed, to open closet doors in the dark hallway, to walk around my house in the dark to help me get over my fear. It was terrifying and took some time (and not to say that I still don't get freaked out once in a while), but it eventually got better. I also used to worry about people I loved a lot, but kept telling myself there wasn't anything to do that worrying was going to help, so I just would place it out of my mind for the time. It's really tough, but if you talk to a couselor or therapist, they may be able to give you some strategies for dealing with the anxiety or worry. Just keep a strong will to overcome these worries and take gradual steps to confront your fears and release them.

Answer 10

I have some of this in different contexts. My best advice is what I was told. Check. Take a few seconds/minutes to see if your concerns are justified. Better time wasted now then letting it drive you to the point where medication is necessary.

( I have what was called OCD tendencies.)

As for when your boyfriend becomes a firefighter. Understand that it is a honest concern one that can be alieviated in small ways. If he has a cell, have him text you whenever they leave on a call. I think you can see where I am going with this.