Am I an over protective parent?

Question

My daughter is 81/2 yrs old and not allowed to cross the street by herself yet without supervision. Meaning her dad or I MUST be within view before she crosses. She has been begging to walk to the store with a friend now for some time. Her friend is only 1 month older then her. I should mention that my daughter has a few health concerns, although healthy considering. She and all my freinds say I am over bearing?? She has a trach and has NEVER been allowed to go anywhere alone. How do I test the waters here without risking her safety????

Answer 1

I would go with your gut feeling. Kids are abducted daily. I'm not sure of your neighborhood or how busy your street is, but you are the parent and you make the call.

You will know when the time is right to test the waters. You will develop confidence in one of her friends and trust their judgement while they are together. Then it will be the right time to let them do something by themselves.

Answer 2

Having a trach at such a young age would put any parent in the overprotective mode. I'd be less worried that she'd be getting run over, but more worried about being kidnapped. Kids who are much older and wiser have been kidnapped in the same situations.

If the store were a block away and you could keep an eye on her from afar, it'd be a great way to let her assert independence with a bit of your supervision along with it.

Answer 3

I have four kids and I am not overprotective but daily occurrences are making me more aware of their safety. My older two have left home and started by playing outside on the pavement at home at about 8 and then progressed further as they showed more maturity. I reluctantly let my daughter go on holiday for the first time with her mates, a group of about 8, when she was 17, thinking they have to learn to grow. But on the day before she was due home I had a call saying she was in hospital after being raped and beaten. Thank God! she has got through this and is due to go on holiday again late this year. She has got to get on with her life. But I still worry. My Son is also going away this year. Eek!
My younger two daughter's are 6 and 4 and I hope I can be as easy going with them. I do find though that I get anxious over the slightest thing. News of Madeleine is sought every day and I have just read the book written by Holly Well's father. Makes you think. Most people are good but there are a lot of evil bastards out there.

Answer 4

My parents are over protective too though, it is only this month that I am allowed to walk across the street. My friends did loads of things WAY before I did but eventually, over rpotectivness isn't all that bad. I have turned out a pretty responsible pre - teen. I have never ever had a boy friend or kissed anyone other than family (I have been asked out a few times though =D) I usually stay with my parents on the weekends and I am a pretty polite person. All my friends parents think I am an angel so I guess its not bad for ya! Keep going the way you are. She will thank you later...

Liv

Answer 5

I think the rest of the answerers have forgotten what you said: She has a trach. This is not an everday 8 year old. Something could happen with her breathing and no one would know what to do.

The best you can do is to allow her to walk with her friend to the store and you follow 30' behind. That way you can be sure she's safe from snatching and safely breathing.

Eight year olds are not known for their wonderful judgement. On their own, they might stop somewhere or talk to someone, or get bit by somebody's dog...

In March, my son, 16, was hit by a car crossing the street on his bicycle. His brain bled and he had to have a craniotomy, all very dramatic. Granted this was a busy street, but kids of every age make mistakes crossing streets. They make mistakes deciding whether or not to wear a helmet, too.

I'm on your side, Mom.

Answer 6

Look, at some point, you will need to start trusting her. When you feel it's safe.

In the meantime, explain to her clearly why you perfer to be around when she crosses the street, and make sure she understands.

It's better to be protective than sorry. Too many people give way too much leeway.
But somewehre in between would be ideal both for your and your child's sanity.

Talk and talk to her, about safety, about strangers, about anything that worries you and you think she should be aware of.

And most of all:
Don't do something you're not comfortable, just because friends tell you so.
No matter what you do, you're constantly being judged as a parent.

Answer 7

I live in a country where very few children are kidnapped by strangers. my children are relatively healthy and I still walk them to school everyday!! but mostly for the 5 year old, who I dont think should be walking with her older siblings. I know my 8 yr old son doesnt pay attention when crossing busy roads also.
My 10 year old only just started walking to school a few times this past year.

Bear in mind I also live in a small country town so I know I too have to let my guard down a bit and let my oldest start to do things without me.

Your daughter does have a medical condition which isnt to be taken lightly, how far is it for her to walk? can you walk behind her for the first few times to see how she handles it? is there any risk that she needs you there all the time?
(I ask this because my 5 year old used to have epliepsy and we arent allowed to leave her in the bath alone or ride a bike on her own etc) if its medically unwise to let her walk on her own then I would just keep walking her then perhaps letting her walk the last two blocks by herself for example.

goodluck and sorry for rambling.

Answer 8

Polly Klass kidnapped from her bedroom. There getting bolder and bolder. Jessica Lunsford also kidnapped from her bedroom, if they're bold enough to enter a home with the parents there they'll surely take them a block from their home. I dont think your being overbearing, are these the same people chastising you going to be the same ones who join the search party when she's missing? And what do they say then? You should have watched her better? Please you know your child better than they do, will she help a stranger find a puppy? or kitty? that seems to be the latest scam to get kids in their grasp. You could explain that while you trust her you don't trust who she might run into. I think a good age for being able to walk alone or with a friend is closer to 12. Have you ever seen your kid justify in thier mind somethign they've done wrong? well they do that with strangers too,' oh i'll just scream, run or kick them. I would never get into a car but helping someone find a lost kitten or dog is a good thing to do.' Polly Klass's parents had no choice they came into her home, you have a choice. sorry if I was rough on you and the readers but it happens out there and it sucks we live in a world like this but we do so let's not give them the oportunity, and start giving your kids some lessons, code words to use if someone says your mom sent me, nothing with their names on it, kids forget their names are there and a stranger calls them by name insinuating he knows her/him. Stranger danger is taught at schools but should be reinforced at home where the danger happens.

Answer 9

Well, maybe you are being slightly over protective. I think she should be able to cross the street, with you peeking as mothers always do from a far, of course.

I dont think i would let her go to the store alone, though. Maybe at 10 or 11. You never know what could happen. She could get lost, abducted, or just plain run off somewhere without you knowing.

Answer 10

I am a fairly liberal parent, but I never let my kids cross the street when they were eight years old either! I also wouldn't let my child go into a store with just a friend at that age. Once they are in middle school, they're a bit more mature and can safely cross the street and perhaps do errands for you that are close to the house. But definitely not at age 8.

Answer 11

My son just turned nine and I'd have to agree with you. I don't know where the line is between being a concerned parent and overly protective, but I think it's up to you. I wouldn't let my son go out alone like that either. I think you're correct. If the kids want to walk to the store is there an older sibling that can go too? Maybe you can go too. Of course she's going to say your over bearing. But I think your friends are wrong. I'm sorry I just don't think it's a good idea.