I am divorced and have 2 children, a boy who is 6 and girl who is 10. I have 50-50 custody with my ex-wife and we seem to be tangling on an issue. My daughter seems to "get into it" with my ex over her bed time so my ex decided to allow her to learn more responsibility by allowing my 10 yr old to decide when she goes to bed. At my house, the kids go to bed at 8:30 PM on school nights and 9:00 PM during the summer. For as much as I have tried to reason with my ex about being consistent in both homes, she allows my daughter to go to bed when she wants. I do not agree with this and am wondering what other parents have to say.
2007-06-21 06:59:18 · 61 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
I agree with you, but in your situation, I don't think there's much you can do about it.
2007-06-21 21:00:39 · answer #1 · answered by olschoolmom 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Bedtimes at Mom's house and at Dads house do not have to match perfectly. Maybe your daughter rebels at Mom's because 9pm at Dads is too early for her and Mom will give in and let her stay up later. The important thing is that the child is getting enough sleep, not the time on the clock. Since it is summer time and getting through school is not an issue, maybe it is time for Mom to let her take a little more responsibility and make the choice, as long as the child is making a reasonable choice. It would be best to let the kid know it won't be the same when school starts, and if she is cranky and tired in the day then Mom will set the time again. What Dad does at his house is his decision.
2007-06-24 13:01:49 · answer #2 · answered by aunt_tea04 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think 10 is a little young to decide when to go to bed. However, there are going to be some rules that are going to be different in each household. It's almost impossible to agree on everything when you are married to someone, much less divorced. I would just set you daughter down and say that you understand what the rules are at her mother's house and that is fine, but the rule at your house is that you have a certain bedtime. However, it may not be one of those rules that you want to battle over. You may want to be a little flexible and maybe up it for the 10 year old by 30 minutes to an hour. Remember, parenting really requires picking your battles and you may want to consider if this one is worth the battle.
2007-06-21 07:04:40 · answer #3 · answered by Rene 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I think a 10 yr old should get to stay up till around 9:00 on the school days unless they have trouble getting up in the orning.
As for during the summer, you should make a deal that she has to be in the house by 9:00 and be able to stay up till 9:30, or 10:00 at the most.
In my house, my parents let me stay up till 9:30 when I was 10 yrs old.
hope that helps!!
2007-06-21 08:03:44 · answer #4 · answered by lovin' it 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As a child (well I am 25 now) but when I was a child under my parents roof I was in bed by 8 or 830 at the latest at that age. No ifs ands or buts about it. In fact I had a bed time until I graduated which was 10 once I was in my later years in high school.
As a mother I have done the "no bed time" path and I have had to work really hard to get my daughter back into bed on schedule... 830. My daughter is four. THe reason I switched to a solid bed time is because I read up on it and found that children really need a tremendous amount of sleep. Your child is barely half way to adulthood and should definately have some structure. Wish you luck.
2007-06-21 07:13:22 · answer #5 · answered by Jennifer K 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
No, she should not decide on her own. However 9:00 PM during the summer is pretty early. You may consider moving that back to say 10:00-10:30 PM unless they have to get up early for summer school or something.
Your right consistency is important.
2007-06-21 08:15:32 · answer #6 · answered by Angel 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Tell your ex wife to step up and be the mom! It sounds like that 10 year is running the house instead of her. And if you dont get a handle on it soon there will be bigger problems in the future. The more you allow your children to walk all over you, the harder it gets to discipline them as they get older. And bed time sounds like it is just the start of it. I can almost guarentee that the only reason your ex wife allows this behavior is because she gave up fighting with your daughter about it. She got lazy. And kudos to you for keeping the rules in your home!
No a 10 year old should not be able to pick thier bed time. My 12 year old step son doesnt even pick his. He goes to be at 900 on school nights. Im sure if the 10 year old had her choice she would be up all night! At that age she isnt old enough to understand what is really good for her.
Good Luck!
2007-06-21 07:25:42 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Well my girls are the same ages as yours. I have joint custody, but I only get my girls on the weekends since I live 110 miles away from my ex. I let my girls stay up to 10 or 10:30 and it doesn't seem to bother either one. My youngest still gets up at 7:30 or 8 the next morning and my oldest likes to walk out of bed around 8:30 or 9. During the week, my ex has them go to bed at 9 during the school week and 9:30 during the summer. The problem there is that she is up at 5:45 am getting ready for work and has to get the kids to latch key.
My suggestion is let the kids stay up a bit later until its too hard for them to get up on time in the morning. Noone really needs more than 8 hours of sleep unless they are sick.
2007-06-21 07:10:39 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
You are divorced because you didn't get along. Your parenting styles are never going to be the same. Whether you agree with what she is doing in her home is a moot point. It's *HER* house. I'm pretty sure that you would not want her trying to dictate what parenting decisions are going to be made in *your* house. She's going to learn by trial and error, just as you do. If you have an agreement with her to try to keep things on par/consistent from one house to the other, now is the time for mediation. Otherwise, stand down. Do your parenting. Let her do hers.
2007-06-21 10:55:12 · answer #9 · answered by starrrrgazer 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you are right. Your ex just doesn't want to have to deal with being the parent on this issue. I would let my 10 year old stay up about 30 minutes later than the 6 year old, but I wouldn't let her tell me what time she was going to bed. And you are right about having consistency in both houses, but with divorced families, that just doesn't always happen. Your daughter will just have to deal with it. You shouldn't change what your doing just because her mom does something different.
2007-06-21 07:33:09 · answer #10 · answered by kat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
While 10 is a little young to decide bedtime, you also have to look at your daughter. Is she a night person? If so, 9 p.m. is pretty early for summer unless she has to be somewhere at 8. Out of my siblings, 4 of us were in bed by 9 right through junior high, while 2 were definite night people. However, during the school year, too bad. In bed by 9.
Just keep it consistent at YOUR house.
2007-06-21 07:16:14 · answer #11 · answered by CarbonDated 7 · 2⤊ 2⤋