Mother in law coming for the wedding. Father in law is going to be there, Mom in law hates father in law.?

Question

So I have been with my fiance for 4 years. My in-laws all live 13 hours away ,except my fiances sister who lives in my town about 13 blocks away. I have only talked on the phone with Future MIL when she has sent my daughter gifts and I have called her to thank her for them. I have met her 4 times, during visits. She was there when her son popped the question.My mom in law is a hateful person who hates my fiances dad with a passion. Well she called my one sis-in-law and told her she needed to call me and talk some sense into me, b/c I forgot to invite her husbands "folks". They were never on any list I was given, so I just said "great I will send them one." THen she got upset because we havent asked her to pay for anything. (how are we supposed to know, if she doesnt offer), and she isnt involved in ANY decision making in this wedding. She is somewhat childish, and miserable. Its really gotten me down. How do I deal with her, without being a horrible daughter in law?

Answer 1

Oh god, I'm going through the same thing. My MIL and sister in law basically are not speaking to us because we didn't invite their friends!!! Can you believe this? Oh yea, and they don't want to pay for anything either. Mind you I haven't spoken to this sister in law for two years! and now she expects me to invite her friends too, I thought the fact that she was invited she should be thankful .
From experience I'm learning that wedding are very stressful and the number one cause of unnecessary family issues.
If she wants to give you cash then make sure there are no strings attached. You don't want her to come and say "I'm paying for this wedding so you can't invite your husband's dad, OR you have to do things her way".
There's nothing worse than troublesome in laws. good luck.

PS: I too strongly suggest that it's your fiance that needs to deal with her and you should not say anything, it will only create more problems.

Answer 2

Had a similar scenario, my mil did not go to our engagement party (she was a no show) in which my father paid for and we had 100 people due to the fact she would not sit at a table with her x husband at a dinner for 15. She made an issue and the wedding was becoming a nightmare. My husband finally grew a pair and told both of them that if they could not put there own issues aside for 1 day then stay home. He assured them that if they opened there mouth and created any problem they would be asked to leave. Happy to say they both behaved and end up getting back together after being divorced for 15 years. My mil is childish, jealous, and craves attention. Be assured you are not alone. Let hubby deal with his family as then you will not be horrible. They take it better coming from there own son. Have a great wedding and congrats.

Answer 3

Since it is your fiance's mother, it is not up to you to deal with her if issues arise, your fiance should do it. He should be honest with her and say mom, usually the bride's parents help pay for the wedding but if you would like to contribute we certainly would appreciate the help, but we aren't mindreaders and cannot possibly know this in advance unless you let us know. Also, he should step in whenever any issues arise and he should tell his mother that is she has something to say about this wedding or you or him that she should come directly (or call directly) to him and not go through his sister or anyone else for that matter. You are all adults and there is no need for "whisper down the lane" which only leads to misinformation and hurt feelings and miscommunications in the end. Since there is YOUR and your FIANCE (her son)'s day your mother in law is just going to have to put HER feelings aside so that his father can support this marriage and his son. Good luck on this and God Bless you marriage.

Answer 4

You deal with her graciously and honestly. "I'm so sorry, I've made you feel excluded, haven't I. Is there something you'd like to help me with?"

Sure, she's a ***** and it's not your fault. But you can't change her into a nice person. You can only control how you deal with her crap.

Second, your fiance (not you) should talk honestly with both the parents about setting aside their differences for just one day. If he can't do it, he should ask a sibling to do it for him. (But if he can't do it now, I promise you it will be worse 10 years from now.)

I divorced my cheating ex-husband 10+ years ago with the knowledge that I was still stuck with him for the rest of my life because we have kids together. He has another ex-wife and a new fiance that hate eachother now. In the middle are a bunch of kids, siblings and half siblings, from ages 3 to 24 that just want to be a family.

Divorced/split up parents just need to get over themselves. It's not about them ANY MORE!!!

Answer 5

Unfortunately, the old adage is true -- you never just marry a person, you marry the whole family, and one never can choose their family, can they? Your future mother-in-law is quite a handful, and it sounds like you've been able to handle her with grace and tact in the past. Hopefully you can speak freely with your fiancee about your feelings over the situation and have his support, because I think it's worth trying to have a conversation with "Mom" that you don't have any issue with her being involved with the wedding, all she needed to do was ask. If there's any way of having a face-to-face conversation with you, your fiancee and momzilla, it would be even better; maybe take her out to brunch so it doesn't feel like an intervention. I'm sure you're not looking forward to whatever input she has to say, so maybe have some things set aside for her to weigh in on, things you picked out specifically for her expertise, so she feels involved and acknowledged. She sounds like a person with a lot of entitlement, which can be difficult to deal with. While people can't change, giving them a sense of involvement usually placates a bit of that viciousness. Granted, you may feel like you're playing into a lot of that entitlement, but if it keeps her silenced and out of your hair so you can enjoy your wedding, it's worth it.

Answer 6

Are you complaining about someone wanting to help out? Shame on you.... Maybe she just feels left out beign so far from you. About the MIL~FIL issue explain to both of them that they are invited b/c you both (you and your fiance) love them and want them there BUT if they can not get along for this special occasion then they should both stay at home and be miserable together.

Answer 7

You poor thing! That is so selfish of her. This is your day. She needs to get a grip or get going. Your invite list is yours as well as all of the decisions. I've told my future daughter- in- law and daughter to 'shoot me' if I ever behave remotely in the manner which you are expressing she is (no wonder 'mother-in-laws get a bad name). Shame on her. Please don't let her ruin your wedding and just speak the truth in love and move along as planned. You are not a horrible daughter in law.

Answer 8

It's not your responsibility to set your future MIL straight. Her son...your finance needs to do that. He should sit her down and let her know in no uncertain terms that her behavior is out of order and he won't stand for her treating his wife in that manner.

If he doesn't take up for you, she will only treat you with more contempt. All you can do is be civil towards her. If she chooses to act a fool, then let her!

Answer 9

Have a talk with her and determine what it is she would like to contribute to your wedding. Accept her assistance to the extent that it helps ytou, but do not let her take over your wedding and make it into something you don't want it to be. If she tries, gently let her know what your decisions are.

Answer 10

in case you haven't any longer have been given a difficulty which includes your fiance's father's spouse, then you would desire to invite the the two one in each of them mutually. in the adventure that your fiance does not have a difficulty together with her, she would desire to be invited. this is your wedding ceremony, so your better half's mom is appearing like she is runny the teach, you're letting her administration the completed wedding ceremony via no longer inviting who 'she' does not want on the marriage. Why are you 2 letting her run issues while it quite is you and your fiance's wedding ceremony? in the adventure that your fiance needs her there, then she would desire to incorporate his father. this is his son's wedding ceremony too! Your quickly to be better half's mom is the only appearing so infantile right here because is who she is. i unquestionably wish which you're making the impressive determination right here in marrying into his family individuals, in any different case, you will would desire to stand your grounds withh a decrease back bone and not enable her get her way once you 2 are married. She appears like she is controlling and manipulative. purely wish she does not cope with you like that. i could assume that it will probably be as much as his father if he needs his spouse to come again alongside or no longer. you may invite the the two one in each of them, in spite of the incontrovertible fact that it quite is as much as them to come again. yet, if I have been his father's spouse and that i knew what i grew to become into in for and have been given invited to the marriage, i will no longer likely come as a results of this woman's habit of selfishness. i does no longer get excitement from myself besides. bear in mind, do no longer enable your quickly to be better half's mom administration the region, once you recognize that this woman is a superb spouse on your fiance's dad, she would desire to be welcomed no rely what. this is your wedding ceremony!