I've been a friend to the bride for 18yrs. 2 wks. before the wedding I was told by my partner that his daughter didn't want me there and her excuse was honoring her biological mother in this way. The Bride & Groom paid for everything themselves so nobody could have a say in what happeded. Now the wedding is over and my partner has told me that his daughter still wants me in her life but she has yet to talk to me herself. I'm very upset that after 18yrs of being called the other mom, that someone could do this to me. I don't know how to get over this so that we can all be one big happy family again. Or should I just chalk it up as a loss and get on with my life.
2007-06-21 06:12:23 · 12 answers · asked by labattgirl32 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
That was really wrong of her. If you have been there for 18 years, there is no reason why you shouldn't have been invited. In my opinion, it appears that her biological mom had some say in this. Either way, it is done now. I know it will hurt for awhile, but you need to just move on with your life. It will be interesting to hear what your stepdaughter has to say about the situation, but I would wait until she approaches you. Sorry you had to deal with all this and miss the wedding of your stepdaughter. Good luck with everything!
2007-06-21 06:22:54 · answer #1 · answered by Mia1385 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry to hear that your step daughter of 18 years would feel so uncomfortable about having you at her wedding. It doesn't sound like you are a new member to the family and her mother knows you are in her life, I think you should have been able to go. Now is the hard part talking to your step daughter about the pain she is putting you thru. I would wait until after the honeymoon and then try and take her out for coffee or lunch somewhere quite. You could have her father call and set it up if you feel she would not take your call. When you get to talk to her face to face explain to her that you are hurt. Let her know that her loving and respecting you in no way disrespects her mother. You and here mother may or may not get along but as long as you are civil when at a family gathering such as birthdays, weddings, showers. All should be well. I hope you can all be a big happy family again and that you can work it out before the grand-babies start coming.
My husbands parents divorced right after he graduated from high school (over 20 years ago). His dad died a few years back. And his mom remarried. His grandmother on his fathers side and his mother don't speak. But both were invited and came to our wedding four years ago and sat next to each other during the exchange of "I does". I know it is possible. I hope it works for you. GOOD LUCK!!
2007-06-21 06:37:29 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not unusual at all to have mother and stepmother at a wedding. I've seen it numerous times. Some like each other, some don't . I've never seen anyone make a scene. I was even at a wedding where the groom invited his birth mother and his adopted mother.
Her excuse is lame. Perhaps she is getting pressure from her mother not to invite you. Sounds to me like something else is at play. The best thing for you to do is just ask her. That way you are making no assumptions.
Keep in mind that weddings are very stressful and family members like to play games with who is invited and who sits where, etc. It's family nonsense that gest in the way of a beautiful day!
2007-06-21 07:05:34 · answer #3 · answered by Apple21 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow. I think you have every right to be upset at both YOUR partner and his daughter. It is bad etiquette not to invite the stepmom (hello, it's been over 18 years!!!!!!). The bride should be ashamed of herself. As far as your partner goes, I would be upset with him for allowing his daughter to omit you like that. He's agreeing with her lack of respect for you. Chalk it up as a loss, but I wouldn't be friends with his daughter so easily. Let her know she hurt you and don't make the first move to contact her. I'm sorry.
2007-06-21 06:23:01 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it was a terrible thing to do to you. You have treated this girl like your own child and she simply turned away from you on a very special day. She could have honored her biological mother and you as well. She didn't have to cut you out of the wedding. She will regret it one day, when she looks back on the wedding pictures and remembers you weren't able to see it and share in it with her.
2007-06-21 06:39:43 · answer #5 · answered by kookie9200 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have every right to be upset. I dont have a step-mom, but I have a step-grandma, and although my g-pa her never married she is included in everything. She is helping with wedding stuff as well as helped out when I had my daughter nearly five years ago. I cant belive your partner didnt say anything to her. I think you should just chalk it up as a loss, although it sounds like its not your loss, but theirs.
2007-06-21 07:11:10 · answer #6 · answered by Mrs. 26 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it's hard, but you should really try to not take this personally. She's not intentionally trying to hurt you, she's just trying to honor her biological mother, which you have to agree is a good thing.
That said, it is very poor manners on her part, to have invited her father, but not allowing him to bring a date. Additionally, one would hope that all of you are adults, and would be able to be cordial to one another if you were all there together.
Talk to her about it. Let her know that you're hurt, but give her the opportunity to explain things from her side.
2007-06-21 07:14:14 · answer #7 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is very hurtful. I think your partner should have pulled for you a little bit.
But it is family and you may as well get past it. Maybe you could call the daughter and arrange a lunch so you can make sure there are no issues.
2007-06-21 06:24:20 · answer #8 · answered by Amber P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh wow, that was incredibly rude of your stepdaughter! And hopefully, everyone knows it. She thought it would be honoring her biological mother to pretend that you don't exist and that you aren't a part of her family or a person who cares about her. She sounds like a nasty, self-centered woman, and I personally would get on with my life without her in it.
2007-06-21 07:51:47 · answer #9 · answered by Pink Denial 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is extremely rude. I would be upset too if my step daughter did that.
I would call her and explain how this made you upsetand that you respect her want for her real mother to be there...but that you felt alienated. I would also explain that you're not trying to take anyone's place.
Good luck
2007-06-21 06:25:37 · answer #10 · answered by Mrs. Mark 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋