my boyfriend is at basic training right now. we were together for over a year when he signed up.......?

Question

my boyfriend is at basic training right now. we were together for over a year when he signed up, and i was not happy at all with him going but eventually i told him i would try to accept it. since he has been there, he has written me 4 letters and when i got his mailing address i was able to write back, so i've written two now. the last letter i received was last week, but i know his parents have received a letter or two since. it makes me feel bad because i feel like he doesn't care about me and he obviously has time to write, so why is he disregarding me? it's really hard because i don't want to be mad, but i feel like if he loves me and wants to be with me, then he should put more effort in because i am having a really difficult time dealing with this. What should I do?

Answer 1

You say he's disregarding you... But he's written you FOUR letters? Getting a guy to write anything with much content is quite a feat, let alone after going through day in and day out of verbal bashing and physical exhaustion.
You said you wrote him back for the first time a week ago; maybe he's thinking you're not that interested in making an effort to respond.
My advice to you is to back off. I wish I could say it in a more gentle way, but getting jealous because he is ALSO writing to his family is really out of line.
It's very selfish to say you're having a difficult time with this, when the fact is that HE'S the one going through the hell to become a soldier and the fact that he has written at all should give you enough confidence in your relationship to get through this just fine. If you push too hard, he's completely justified in wanting to walk away. I know I couldn't deal with that kind of pressure!
What worries me most is, if this is so difficult for you now, what kind of stress and pressure are you going to put him through when he deploys, and could be gone for up to 18 months at a time? This was HIS choice and you have to either respect it 100% or walk away. What he needs right now is encouragement and support, not your resentment.
Good luck.

Answer 2

As an Army wife myself, I will tell you they do not have alot of time to write. And even then, mail is SLOW, he could have sent you 5 more things, but if the mail clerk doesnt feel like sending it that day then tough cookies. Really, you saying you have only written him twice doesnt look like your making that much of an effort yourself. I know when my husband was at OSUT I wrote hime EVERYDAY, I didnt get nearly as many letters back, but I did charish everyone I got.

A good question is, how long has he been gone? I know its rough being away from the person you love, but honestly this is not just training for him, you should take it as a training for you as well. Once he gets out of basic he will be off to another school or two and then to his duty station, and then shortly there after he will be deployed. Being a wife/fiancee/girlfriend of a military man is not an easy job, and you do spend alot of time apart.

It will either make your relationship or break you...you get out of it what you put in.

Answer 3

I don't think I wrote 4 letters the whole time in BASIC. There isn't that much time.

You feel bad? He is being pushed to his limits from the time he wakes up until almost the time he goes to bed, probably has to write those letters with a flashlight and you complain that he has also written his parents.

You're the one not putting in an effort and you're the one disregarding him.

Answer 4

I'm sure he cares about you. The problem is that he is constantly being worked and there is no time for letters, phone calls, emails...etc. This isn't camp. Go and check out a DVD on basic training and you'll get an understanding the mental and physical training he is going through morning and night. He really doesn't have time until after he graduates. If you are this needy now, what will you do if he goes to Iraq for a year or more.

Answer 5

I really hope that you haven't written like this to him. As someone who's been there, it is hard enough to undergo basic training without having to deal with your whining. He has written to you four times, and is up and going from 4 AM to 8PM, doing physically and mentally exhausting work. Not to mention the knowledge that in a very short time he will probably be in the war.
If his platoon was good that day his drill sergeant MIGHT give them 10 to 15 minutes to shine their boots, read their manuals, and write home. How much time do you spend watching TV or playing on the computer every day? Get off your duff and write him back every day.
If you can't do that, drop him. But do it in a nice way. Tell him that it just isn't going to work out, and that you wish him luck.

Answer 6

Staying at hotel that is going to get expensive quick. Not to mention he still won't have much time to see you. They can still be locked down on the base especially when they first get there. You are going to be on an emotial roller coaster for awhile. Just relax basic isn't forever. The stronger you are the better for your child too. Since you didn't get married prior to leaving unless he is national guard or reserve the military will not pay for you to move where he gets stationed. If he gets orders to Korea you might not even be allowed to go if you were married. Deployments are still happening and if he gets to a unit that is deploy he may leave soon after inprocessing. Work, volunteer, start a new hobby, go to school. You have to learn to deal with stuff by yourself that is part of military life. Find comfort with family and friends.

Answer 7

what should you do? grow up.

you know how much time gets to write? MAYBE a few hours a WEEK. You got four more letters already than I EVER got in 9 weeks of Boot Camp. He has a family too that needs to hear from him as well.

Quit being so selfish and accept the fact that you have to share him now.. with the military and his family. I would have kileld for ONE measly letter and you are whining about 4?!

Answer 8

How would his parents have felt if you were the only one he'd written? In Basic, they have limited time for letterwriting or phonecalls...They barely have time for the 3 S's (Sh!t, Shower and shave). Hang in there and realize that he's not ignoring you, he is simply trying to keep in contact with all of his loved ones in the time he is alloted. 4 letters.....that is nothing to complain about. I have known girlfriends/wives that don't get any letters! If you intend to become a military wife, you need to exercise a little patience. Many times mail can be held back and you may not receive anything for weeks and then suddenly you get everything all in one day. Hang in there, keep yourself busy and think positive thoughts. Your boyfriend is doing whatever he can to try to improve his life *and yours if you marry*. Support is the number one thing he will need. Good luck.

Answer 9

He has written you four letters! Count yourself very lucky. And you cannot imagine what he is going through. By the way, this doesn't get easier. If you are having this much trouble now....... well, you seem to be very immature. Perhaps you are simply very young. Try to think about what he needs instead of what you do.

Reread your letter. You are jealous of the military and feel that he is choosing it over you. You are not ready for a real relationship with a man. Go find a boy whom you can emasculate.

Answer 10

Young love, do you realize how busy and tired he is all of the time? Obviously you don't, you have gotten 4 letters, that's great with all of the other things he has to do. be patient, and if he loved you when he went in he will love you when he comes back. By the way, if he is going active duty, you haven't seen anything yet. Prepare now cause when he is gone for 1.5 years for deployment then you will really be pissed