I'm trying to work up the nerve to enter some contests so honest opinions would be much appreciated! Thanks!
I built this for myself
You wouldn't understand
Stacked it stone by stone
Untlil it blocked the sun
Gripping moments from the past
I'v truly felt alive
Want so much more to come
It's stuf that I can't find
Not by looking
Not by digging
But it's so hard to stop
Just let it go and be
I built this for myself
Only wishing you could see
That I built it all for me
And now I can not leave
I fell in love with searching
Forgotten what it's for
I fell asleep still waiting
For something so unknown
Today i'm slowly waking
In a life that's not my own
I built this fo myself
Not knowing when I started
Not thinking about now
I built this for myself
I'm so sorry you found out
2007-06-21 04:44:33 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow, that is really good. Is this just a poem, or will it be a song?
2007-06-21 04:47:59 · answer #1 · answered by NotAgain 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being that this is under Singles & Dating, I shall answer accordingly. You should break up with him.
Also, your poetry is very direct. Read some of the classic poets and you'll find that they are rarely so direct. Metaphors will be your best friend. It's not a bad poem, but it could use a rewrite.
2007-06-21 11:50:22 · answer #2 · answered by Nathan C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's cryptic and thought-provoking. I like it. A few minor suggestions, though (to strengthen the impact of your delivery), maybe "...Today I'm slowly waking "to" a life that's not my own..." has a better feel to it (just an opinion, mind you), and cannot is represented as one word; stuff has two "f"s....other than that, fantastic job!
2007-06-21 11:55:04 · answer #3 · answered by Captain S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you should probably have posted this on a poem section on here to get some better/more feedback. it's ok. a little confusing sometimes. just enter, it's not a big deal!!
2007-06-21 11:52:34 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it, i think it is real good, theyd be crazy not to let you win, you should enter the contests, good luck! :)
2007-06-21 11:49:08 · answer #5 · answered by Lil Shorty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is great i would give you 1st...that's a great poem...I'm a poet as well...and this is touching
2007-06-21 11:48:15 · answer #6 · answered by brunets1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋