Should the grooms family be expected to pay for half of the wedding?

Question

when my parents already told my brother when the planning started that they were not going to be able to contribute finacially. My future sister in laws (lets call her Ann) mom called my mom one day and said "your half the wedding is $7500", my mom said that they couldn't afford that, Ann's mom then said "well, just sign a contract and when your house sells, you can pay us back", my mom then said no again. At that point, Ann's mom very rudely demanded to speak with my dad, who then said no too. My parents have two other weddings to pay for in the very near future and if Ann's parents had a boy, they would have said the same thing. Ever since then, they have been very rude to my parents and my sister and I, who are bridesmaids, have been left out of wedding related functions. My brother is 26, Ann is 22. They are both old enough to chip in for THEIR wedding (which is $30,000) but my brother doesn't make much money and Ann refuses to work. What do you think?

I think that if my brother and his fiance can't afford a wedding that they can pay for, they shouldn't get married until they can and for them to have such a big, expensive wedding is rediculas when she isn't working and doesn't indend to. Also, my parents told my brother from the very beginning, they could not afford it. My brother is part of the problem because he thinks they should pay for it too and will not stand up to Ann's parents about who they are treated them and me and my sister. It is a very difficult position to put my family in and we really do not appreciate it. After everything that has happened, I don't want to have anything to do with the wedding, her or her family but she is going to be my new sister in law so what do you do?

My sister and I do not expect my parent's to pay for our weddings, they want to contrubute so they set up accounts for both of us in the amount of $5,000. If we go over that, we pay the rest. If we don't use all of it, we can use if the honeymoon or a downpayment for a house. I don't know about my sister, but I do not expect to use all of that for the wedding. Couples can save a lot of money by being creative and thats what I plan on doing.

Sorry, fingers are too quick. Half of the wedding would be $15,000.

Answer 1

It's not the grooms parent responsability to pay for the wedding. Traditionally, it's the bride's parents responsability, but they are both adults and they should pay for it themselves.

It's quite rude to impose monetary contributions and contracts on someone. If they want a 30k wedding, then that was their choice and your parents have no obligations to contribute if the don't want to.

Whatever your folks want to contribute, fine, but it shoudl be out of their own free will and in the amount they choose. No one should send then the bill for something that they have not chose to spend. That's illegal to force someone into a contract or unknown services or goods.

Your parents obligation are limited to the rehearsal dinner, and to pay for a grooms cake, maybe host a bridal shower. Sometimes, the family of the groom pays for the flowers and the liquour, but that's optional.

I don't blame you to want to steer clear from her and her family. The nerve of them telling your parents that they can "pay them back" when they sell their house!!!! This is unlawful imposition, DO NOT sign anything on paper!!!!!! or else they will be abligated to pay. If they have a verbal contract, it will be legally binding, so as long as they don;t accept either verbally or in writing to pay, then they don;t have to unless they want to.

Good luck

Answer 2

Explain to your daughter and her fiance what the situation is, including the disparity in the numbers on the guest list. Your kids should be the ones to approach the future grooms parents. You could also give the groom the option to cut back his guest list to match your daughter's. I'm guessing you are simply not able to foot all the expenses or you wouldn't be asking this question. Are the kids of an age to cover some of the expenses? It's not at all unusual today for adult children to pay for most or all of the wedding, with some help from the parents.

Answer 3

From your wording of the matter it sounds as though you and your family are all in agreement about the problem. As a compromise, suggest a family potluck dinner in the very near future (this weekend). Invite the future-in-laws, a serious conversation can be planned for as an after meal discussion. Avoid the subject, cut them off with a “not just yet” or “let’s enjoy our food, we will get to that shortly” if the situation looks like it will be brought up prematurely.

It sounds as though your family was left out of the planning process. Your parents should not be expected to pay for the decisions they did not help to make. If your future-in-laws did not set boundaries or limit the lavish planning of there daughter they must bear the burden.

State clearly that guilt or demands are not an acceptable way to treat family. Remind the betrothed couple that they can and should find a way to ease the financial burden on HER family. Your family stated early on that they could not contribute, and that situation stands.

Your parents were direct and did not miss lead the couple. Respectfully, they have handled the situation with care and forethought financially. Your support may help them a great deal in this situation.

If your brother has any reservations about the arrangement, someone could turn to his bride to be and suggest an elopement! That should get her parents to button up the complaints department and open there pocket books.

Answer 4

Wow! First, they need to downsize that wedding! If it is $30,000, they need some help being realistic. I am getting married next month and my parents gave me $5,000. My fiance's parents (the groom's parents) gave us an additional $2,000. We are having a very nice wedding with a sit-down dinner in a hotel for that much. We had to do without a few things like a DJ, and I am only having one attendant - my sister. I think the groom's parents should be contributing - traditionally for the rehearsal dinner and the drinks before the dinner. But if they can't afford it, then the couple needs to make the wedding smaller. It sounds like this couple is already in trouble if they are trying to spend that much and don't have it. It also sounds like they are in trouble because of how they are treating your family. Good luck!

Answer 5

Tradition has become moot as who pays for a wedding. The new way is whoever wants to pay, pays. If no one wants to, then there will be no wedding. If the couple still wants the wedding they will pay for it themselves, or get married without a party.

You are lucky that you are not one of the wedding couple, and not a parent of the bride or groom. You can stay out of it, and should do so, as much as possible. You do nothing, you will be told in time what has been decided on, and whether you are still going to be a bridesmaid, if there is a wedding.

Answer 6

I think it's very generous of either set of parents when they choose to offer funds toward a child's wedding. It may be traditional for the bride's parents to pay for most of the shindig, but times have changed. People are marrying later and both men and women are expected to work outside the home. Few of us would ever dream of holding the bride's parents to the old rule of paying for the wedding, and the wedding should properly be the sort of celebration the person(s) paying the bills can well afford to throw.

Demanding that the groom's parents sell their home to pay for a wedding beyond the means of anyone involved is insanely inappropriate. Your parents should definitely stick to their guns. The happy couple need to scale down their plans, especially if they can't/won't pay for the party themselves.

I also think the bride's parents need a quick math lesson if they think $7500 is half of $30000. It's actually one quarter.

Answer 7

Absolutely not! Traditionally the groom's family has only been responsible for the rehearsal dinner. My future mother in law has contributed to small things such as the cake and the favors for our upcoming wedding. These were things that she offered to pay for and was never asked. It is very rude for the bride's parent's to assume that the groom's family would pay for anything! When my fiance and I got engaged we sat we knew that we would have to pay for the majority of the wedding. My parents are helping out with some and his mother took on the rehearsal dinner. We never asked or expected them to pay for much if anything.

How does your brother feel about this situation? Does he really want to marry into this kind of family? Perhaps he should talk to his bride about cutting the costs or inviting less people to the wedding. I'm sure there are ways to cut out 7500 from a wedding. That is the total cost of my wedding for 100 people so I know it can be done.

Answer 8

Traditions say that the groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner and the booze. The bride's family pays for the food.

But my boyfriend and I are taking a different approach. We are paying for our own wedding so that we don't have to invite most of the family that we never talk to. (My dad's side is huge.) We're also paying for it because there's no way that my parents can pay for it.

Your parents are completely right. If her parents can afford to pay currently (while the "house sells") then they can pay for the whole wedding. If they had wanted your parents to pay for half, then they should have stated that in the beginning. And if the parents can't afford the wedding, then cut some expenses. Weddings don't need to cost 30Gs! I think your new sis-in-law sounds like a snobbish brat who always got her way.

Answer 9

The groom's family is not required by tradition to pay for the wedding. I think they cover the flowers and a couple of other things, but don't need to contribute that much. For my brother's wedding, my parents are paying for the photos (about $2500) and the flowers while her parents are paying for the rest. When I get married, I wouldn't expect my bf's parents to chip in. Your brother and his gf might want to rethink their budget if they can't afford it. $30,000 is a lot to spend on a wedding these days.

Answer 10

Your brother is being a wuss and will regret marrying Ann if she has no plans on ever working and is already living well beyond any workable budget the two of them could have. They could spend 30K on a nice house, at least as a down payment and have a simple wedding. If they want something big and showy they need to find the money for it themselves or down size as others have said. I don't expect my mother to pay for my wedding because I'm grown. Either I'll have something simple or we'll wait until we have the money saved.

Answer 11

No one has ANY obligation to pay for any part of a wedding. Your parents took the right approach in dealing with the other family. More to the point, how did this get to the point where they were making monetary demands without having discussed it first?
The idea of either the bride OR groom's family having to pay for any part of a wedding is outdated. This all should have been discussed from day 1.