I don't do anything???

Question

I would just like someone elses opinion on this matter................

My bf/husband whatever you want to call him insists I do not do anything. I stay at home with our daughter who is 19 months old. I also babysit a 3 and a 8 year old, which I get paid to do. So contributing financially is out of the question. I make enough to pay all the utilities, and for some other extras. I don't get to keep any of what I earn. I cook, clean, run errands, make his phone calls, do his invoices, take care of all maintenance around the house, anything that needs to be done in or around the home I DO. I have dinner cooked and ready when he arrives home, I have to remember where all his things are on top of trying to remember everything else. He doesn't help out with our daughter when he gets home, so I can do something for myself. I haven't had a hot meal in over a year. I am just tired of hearing I don't do anything. How do you deal with this???

Answer 1

I'm a SAHM of 2 boys and I can sympathize... However, if my husband EVER said, I didn't do anything he'd be dead before the sentence was ever finished... I mean somedays are better than others when it comes to cleaning house/cooking etc... I don't ask for much nor do I "get" to go many places.. Not that I'm not allowed I'm often just too tired... I'm looking for pt employment.. Which I suggest you do..Nothing major just something that gets you out of the house.. You just go to work. Let him take care of the child(ren) and make dinner, clean up and he'll see it's not all it's cracked up to be.... Or just stop what your doing and take care of yourself and the children see how fast things change..

Answer 2

Believe me I know where your coming from. I do work, but my husbands insists my job isn't a job at all because I sit at a desk all day. My husband overlooks the fact I care for our 3 year old children, cook, do laundry, give kids baths, do dishes, do all the cleaning, make sure the bills get paid an the list continues. I laid it out last week to my husband and still don't think I got through to my him because that's what "women do". Women regardless of whether they work outside the home carry many job titles and work way more than 40 hours a week.
I know it's tough, but just keep in mind that you are a crucial member of this family and contribute just as much if not more than he does. You carry a big responsibility on your shoulders and should be proud that you do it so well.

Answer 3

I am doing the same thing. I am a stay at home mom and babysit a 2 and 8 yr old, plus we have a 5 yr old and a 8month old. I clean and what not. But it is hard to clean because we have an extra family living with us for the time being. So I can clean all day but by the time bedtime comes around the house is distroyed.
My husband always told me I don't do anything around the house.
I have been told when my husband gets home leave the house a wreck, and for me to leave the house and tell him to take care of the kids and try to clean the house.
The money I earn for babysitting I don't see that either. I told my husband that it was my money, so he told me that I could keep my money and he would keep his money that he makes from work.
Good luck!

Answer 4

My husband does the same thing or he did, I just stopped doing stuff around the house the only laundry was for my daughter and myself and I had already fixed dinner and had eaten and cleaned up before he got home. When he saw just what I did it made a big difference. It was not easy though he was very unhappy about the way things were looking and complained a lot. There were a few fights about things but in the end I won, he came to realize just how much I do around the house. We do still disagree on the money issues some though. Good luck!

Answer 5

Hmmm. You must recognize your own self worth before you can expect your bf/husband, whatever YOU want to call him, will do so. You said you earn childcare money which you use to pay all the utilities and some extras, but you also say you don't make a financial contribution! You also run the household. There is value there.
I haven't heard these kind of complaints since Leave It to Beaver went off the air! This is 2007! In order to escape the 50's you'll have to take some actions honey.

One: Sit down and eat when you serve dinner. Everything will keep until you eat your hot meal. If someone needs something during that time, let them get it themselves. Quit popping up like a piece of toast. Nobody really expects that. If they do, you have to teach them not to by not doing it anymore. Change the baby before dinner. Sit her in a high chair next to you. It might help to feed her before dinner, or better yet sit her highchair next to HIM! Put some finger food on the tray to keep her satisfied.

Two: You are your significant other's partner (well, if you follow some of this advice you will be) NOT his mother or his maid. If he can't keep up with his things that is his problem. Smile sweetly and say, "I haven't seen it lately. Try looking (suggest a place)" and SIT there or continue doing what you were already engaged in. Ignore any tantrums.

Three: Sit down and make a budget with your sig. other. Include money for your personal needs. Since your childcare money crosses your palms first, take 10% out for yourself. Generate a little nest egg for things you want to splurge on at some point. You earn it, you deserve it.

Four: Does sig. other bar the doors when he gets home? Tell him you are going out, so he'll need to watch the baby until you get back, and LEAVE. I don't care if you just go for a walk in the park or drive to the mall and sit on a bench. After only interacting with children all day you need a break a couple of times a week. DO IT. Don't stay away for hours and hours, but get out. If he refuses, hire a sitter for yourself. Include that in the family budget.

FIVE: Ask for what you want. Your sig. other is not a mind reader. No doubt he'd like to see you reasonably and agreeably assert yourself. Define your relationship, for example. Do you want to marry this man? Tell him.

Life is what you make it. Take or leave all or some of this advice, but remember, your fingerprints will be found all over the handle of your destiny! He can't make you happy, only you can do that.

Answer 6

Get a three foot two by four and whack him one.

Well not really but the old story is the only way to get a mule's attention is to hit him with a two by for.

He needs hit but with something like you having to go some place for at least a week and leave him with it all. Well not the baby sitting and your child but everything else.

Tell him when you leave if you come home to a house that is a mess you will just turn around and leave again.

Some thing that will wake him up or just kick his a.s out of the house.

I was thrown out once by a woman because I would not agree to marry her. Great gal and I liked her a lot but no way I will ever marry.

Answer 7

I would talk to him about it. My husband quickly realized how hard it is to do anything when you have 3 kids to keep entertained, and out of trouble. Give him a taste of what your day is like. If that doesn't work, then I would quit making his phone calls, doing his invoicing, and he dang sure wouldn't have a dinner to eat right when he walked in the door. As for taking time for yourself, stand up to him and tell him you need a break, place your daughter in his lap and go take a long hot bath!

Answer 8

Wow this is a very sad situation. I am not really sure how to advise you. First of all you really shouldn't be living with a man not your husband. He may feel a lack of commitment there because the two of you are not married. There is no formal commitment so why have an informal one? KWIM?
If you haven't already sit him down and tell him exactly how you feel and that you do need a break from time to time because what you do is HARD. If he really won't budge then I'd consider packing up and leaving. He may realize his error and come around, or he may not and then your better off without him.

Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 9

You make him do it all and relax. Once he sees how much you actually do then he will understand that you do do a lot. Until he actually understands you don't have a chance trying to explain it to him. If you don't like what you're doing then you should do something else. Put your baby in daycare and get a job of your own. Then he would have to help out more around the house. If you like how you are doing things then just tell him to leave you alone and shut up.

Answer 10

Maybe you should actually NOT do anything one day? Let him come home, and say "you don't do anything", and you can say, "your right, I didn't...see a difference?" Maybe he'll appreciate you more :P Men are like that... they don't always see the big picture. All he sees, is that he's been at work all day, and now he gets home to relax, and your trying to get him to "babysit" his own child so you can have 5 minutes of peace. sounds crazy to you, but to him, it's not fair! He needs a wake up call :P