am I strange for having no desire to go to a strip club for a joint bachelor/bachelorette party?

Question

The ladies in the wedding decided that we're all going to go to a strip club together. it's a large group comprised mostly of married or dating couples. I don't want to go, as I have no interest and the entire concept makes me uncomfortable, but my wife REALLY wants to go. (but won't go without me.)
I don't even know what the "proper protocol" for a strip club is, let alone what the rules would be when going WITH your wife.

also, for reference: I don't know if the club is "topless" or "totally nude" but I do know that all the performers are women. apparently nobody thinks that men waving their junk around is sexy. (thank god)

OK, first misunderstanding: I'm not the one getting married. I've been invited to this wedding, and party. I've been married for almost three years.
Second issue: I'm pretty much broke. we're a low income family, and it's a stretch to our finances to attend the wedding at all. skipping the party and taking her out to a nice dinner instead is impossible, financially.
Third, the group is getting to the club using the train or something, and I don't know anything about navigating downtown NYC, so leaving if I decide I don't like it isn't possible either.
fourth, I've talked to her, and she's told me that I can't win either way. if I don't go, she'll be upset because she didn't get to. if I go, but don't have fun, she'll be upset because I ruined her fun for her by being dull. if I go, and enjoy it, she'll be upset because I enjoyed looking at naked (or near naked) women waving themselves around.

This is a No Win situation for me, sadly. any more ideas?

one more detail:

My desire not to go isn't a respect issue. personally, if a woman wants to make a living by showing off her body for the pleasure of men, that's their business.

And it's also not about respecting my wife. She obviously wants to go, so I don't see how me deciding NOT to go is respecting her.

I'm not worried about her going at all. If she'd go on her own, things would be great right now, and I wouldn't be asking this question....

I just don't know what I can do, given that I have no transportation, don't know the area I'll be in (other than the fact that it's in NYC, I have no idea where this place is) no money, and no alternative place I could go.

Answer 1

Hey hon, if you genuinely do not want to go...you are the GROOM. You (and your bride to be) are the guests of honor. If you are uncomfortable with the plan, you should tell the rest of the party planners. If your Bride to Be wants to go to a strip club, and you don't care, then her Matron/Maid of Honor should plan a seperate bachelorette party at a strip club...not combine the parties to make you uncomfortable.

Answer 2

If you really don't want to go to the strip club, don't go. Hold your ground, too.

If pressed for an answer (by your wife - who is the only person you owe an explanation, BTW) tell her that you feel that the concept of a strip club is degrading to both men and women - and that going would be disrespectful to her as a woman and to you as a man. Maybe that might just open your wife's eyes a little - that perhaps she might want to show you some more respect than she is at present.

If she really really wants to go - but not without you at her side, then she is acting terribly immature and selfish. I wouldn't put my partner through something he would not want to do.

So, don't go. And stand your ground - on the basis that you don't want to be disrespectful to your wife. If she really really wants to go - she'll have to go without you. Period.

If she does go - then Cool. Bully for her. If she doesn't go because you won't - and whines about it - remind her in a stern way how disrespectful she is and ask her why she would rather degrade your feelings toward her just for a couple of hours of gross curiosity. In otherwords, quite sternly put her in her place.

Finally, if she pitches a fit about this - I'd rethink the marriage as a whole. That's the kind of person you'd be chained to - and even if you love her - she'd make your life miserable. So if she pitches a fit - call the whole thing off and count your blessings you found out before the I Do's than after just what a selfish and disrespectful person you nearly married.

You're a decent guy. Wish there were more like you.

Answer 3

What is wrong with you? Get a damn spine. Either be a man and say no, or be a man and go and have fun. Forget the fact that you are going to a strip club. Think of it as a bowling alley that has naked women walking around. You will have to pay to get it, but you don't have to pay anyone once you get in unless there is a drink minumum. You don't have to look, touch or anything else. Forget your surroundings and just enjoy the company of your friends. It will be like going to a naked version of Hooters except the lights are lower. Make you wife happy. You will get laid when you get home... guaranteed.

Answer 4

I got married last month, and all I wanted my girlfriends to do was to take me to Six Flags in Gurnee Mills-that´s my idea of a great time. Plus, my husband won´t ride roller coasters, so this would have been something I could do with girlfriends before marrying.

You know what they ended up doing? They took me to "Thunder Down Under" in Vegas, and I have a BLAST. If you can call strippers classy, these guys would take the cake.

If your girlfriend wants go, I say go. Most strippers will try to get you to pay for a lap dance, and most of the time, the females will want to lap dance with the women, not the men.

You are very considerate to not want to go to a strip club-my fiance didn´t in Vegas, but ended up going to Circus Circus to watch the pretty leggy girls, and I thought he would go see strippers. Strip clubs do make some people uncomfortable, so have a drink, loosen up, and realize you don´t have to pay or touch the girls-enjoy the music and your last few days as a single man.

Answer 5

I agree with Vampire Goddess.

You don't HAVE to go to a strip club. There might be a chance that some of the ladies feel uncomfortable too.

As for the joint party thing, I've heard it's a bad idea for the bachelor and bachelorette parties to meet up. Lots of potential for fights. Drama is bound to ensue.
Your wife sounds like she wants to see drama.

Answer 6

I get this is a hard choice so my answer is a question.

What will you be gaining by going, and what would you be loosing or compromising by going, and which is more important to you!

Good luck!

EDIT>>>>>
It actually sounds like you are more worried about how to be at the strip club, like what the right thing to do if you go is. So maybe you could speak to your wife about that. So saying I am not sure how to act in a club with women dancing around naked, without being a party pooper and you getting mad at me. so instead of deciding that she will be mad, say we need to discuss how it will work, so that no one has to be mad, or a party pooper. And worse come to worse bring a good book, or your ipod :) JK

Answer 7

You are not alone.

I have been to both, with my wife and with other men where women were stripping/dancing.

You might be surprised at how involved the women in the audience get when the men do their work. Male audiences are far more subdued when women are stripping and dancing in front of them.

I feel uncomfortable just being present when women strip in front of a lot of people so I decline invitations to such places and that one visit to a male strip enterprise was educational, but enough for me.

Answer 8

You have every right to express your opinion. Stand your ground and say you aren't going. Your wife has already made it clear that she won't go without you. Don't become argumentative, just tell her that going would really make you uncomfortable. I would think she would understand and agree that your feelings are more important than those of the group. Instead, take her out to a nice dinner. Don't let her guilt you into going.

Answer 9

Let everyone know that you're uncomfortable with the idea...personally I've been to strip clubs and honestly it's not as great as one would think. My fiance thinks the same thing. But talk to your wife...let her know that you're uncomfortable and that you really don't want to go. She will probably understand...but tell her to go and have a great time. Have some of your male friends go with you elsewhere and do something else. But you don't want to be stuck in a strip club with a bunch of rowdy people and feel uncomfortable...it'll work your nerves til you just up and leave. Good luck and congrats!

Answer 10

Although you don't want to go , i think you should go for the sake of your wife. Unless you have religious reasons for not going.Maybe she really wants you to go to put a little spark in the relationship.I always suggest to my fiance to go with me but he always says no he says something like he would be uncomfortable with me there.Personally, i would like to see how he reacts to another woman.She can get him revved up but I get the prize at home.Maybe that's all your wife wants.She shouldn't get upset either by you looking at the women because that's what they are there for.Now if you get drunk and acted a fool then that would be another issue.I say go, have a few beers and laugh and joke with your friends.If you are really uncomfortable them excuse yourself and go to the washroom or something for a while and explain the reason to your wife so she wouldn't think otherwise.I hope this helps.