Okay I been married for 3 years to my first husband we have a one child and we want another, BUT he always goes party with his parents on the weekend or helps ppl out when they need help with things, but whenever I ask him for something he says he worked all day and shouldn't have to work at home and I understand, but why do things with other ppl and for other ppl? I'm not asking him to go to Italy or whatever. I'm asking him to spend time with us like going to the park and he doesn't. I have to beg him. But his parents crap on him they only call him when they want something as to where me and his child want to spend time with him as a family b/c we love him. So I don't know what to do. I want another child, but I don't want the same thing to go on. When I was pregnant the first time he wouldn't drink or party. He was good then, but now he's 30 I think he needs to grow up. What does everyone else think? Should I give up or just deal with it?
2007-06-20 20:50:06 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Our first child is almost 2 and we don't want them to be too far apart and I only want kids with him. I don't want to have to wait to meet someone new and wait for years before we get to that point of another child.
2007-06-21 10:59:33 · update #1
whatever you do, do not bring another baby into this relationship, you dont have a very good relationship and it sounds like its heading for divorce...so for the sake of you kids dont have anymore!!!!!!
2007-06-20 20:54:22 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
No you don't need another child right now and that won't make him change. He is 30, while the drinking and partying thing usually wears out by, in some, 35, who wants to be with a drinking and partying 35 year old with 2 kids, do you? Why should he be the one to party, do you like to party as well. Your relationship seems one sided and you are putting more into the marriage and family than your partner. Take stock of your house and see if that is where you want to be. God Bless.
2007-06-27 05:56:21 · answer #2 · answered by Bethy4 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No don't give up sometimes in relationships you hit brick walls. try to work together . your husband wants to provide and take care of his family by the same token his parents are probably older now and need some help around the house and he's trying to do what he can or they could be short on cash to hire someone to do it so the son steps in. I know it can feel agrivating that all his spare time is with them. But why don't you turn it around next time on a weekend he wants to go over to the parents say thats a lovely idea im sure they would like to see the grandkids i'll come along perhaps i can help your mother with the garden or dishes or something. ( you may not feel like doing it. but your supporting him and showing your interested in him and his family too.
also for you to have some more time with him as a family why don't you try telling him how you feel. not in a bossy or negative way like you don't spend time anymore he won't want to hear that. why not say honey lets try and spend more time together i love you and miss you when we don't get quality time and try and set up at least a once a week family thing whether its going for a pick nice or just doing a family thing. maybe he can't give you the whole day but take a few hours for now see how that goes
Good luck
2007-06-21 04:39:21 · answer #3 · answered by For ever in my Heart 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having another child just to try and change him isn't going to work. If you want another baby form this man you need to do some serious thinking on your part. He needs to stop helping out everyone else and pay more attention to his family. As for partying every weekend w/ his family is ridiculous. I hate when I hear women/men say "Oh I've worked hard all week so I derserve a break." How do they spend this "break" going out partying w/ friends, drinking and getting drunk. You would think that having to work all week that they'd want to spend some time w/ their family. Their children wont be young forever. Why miss out on so many things you could be doing w/ your children? All those clubs/parties/all that beer that you just had to have will still be there years later. There not disappearing anytime soon. Now I'm not saying parents aren't allowed to unwind every once in awhile. We all need a break. This is for those parents that wont to party more times out the week than spend w/ their families.
2007-06-21 06:01:24 · answer #4 · answered by Erica 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage is hard work. If I left my husband everytime he did something that I didn't like, we would be divorced a hundred times over. It's easy to leave but hard to stay and work on it. Talk to him, let him know how much you love him and how much you enjoy being with him. Be sure to let him know how much you appreciate him going to work everyday and working hard for his family. Then proceed to let him know how you feel and how you think things can get better. He may also have some issues that he needs to express to you. You are better off working on the relationship issues before you have another baby. Don't give up on your marriage and your child's father until you have exhausted every avenue and remember that no matter who you are married to there will always be issues and work to keep things working well.
Good luck!
2007-06-28 22:19:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like he feels obligated to help everyone and when he gets home he is in his comfort zone and feels he can be himself and actually tell someone "no"...sounds like he needs to re-prioritize things...and fast!
I would tell him your side and see what he has to say in a non-nagging or non-judgemental way. His answer should be an indicator of whether or not he is willing to make changes for his family (baby and you) or not. The way things are IMO, you shouldn't add anymore stress by bringing another life into the scenario...by more stress I mean for YOU.
He needs to start putting you two FIRST ahead of anyone else. hth
2007-06-21 03:57:35 · answer #6 · answered by M R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I guess you could try marriage counseling, if you can get him to go, but the bottom line is you can't control or change anyone's behaviour except your own. I would definately hold off on having another baby. He won't change unless he wants to.
2007-06-21 04:05:49 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Babies only make bad situations worse. You really need to talk to him before you guys bring another child into this situation.
2007-06-21 04:51:29 · answer #8 · answered by Shauna P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have done the same thing and wasted 13 years of my life.Men really cant or dont change.You should find someone who treats and respects you the way you want to be treated.
2007-06-28 05:24:08 · answer #9 · answered by nicegal_oz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT have another child with this man! Having another baby will not change him nor will it improve your relationship at all.
2007-06-26 14:45:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you can resolve your problems, DON'T HAVE ANOTHER CHILD. It would be unfair to the baby. It's interesting that you refer to your husband as your first husband -- it looks to me like you might be looking to trade him in for a better model. (It sounds like a good plan!)
2007-06-21 03:59:02 · answer #11 · answered by la buena bruja 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋