My ex husband and I have been divorced since our son was about 1 year old. He has had little to do with him, except on his time and terms. I remarried when our son was abt 51/2yrs old and this man has been a true DAD to him, involved in his every day life. Our son, now 23, calls my husband almost every day they talk about anything and everything, they are very close. But now my son is getting married and all of a sudden my ex has tried to start getting involved again. Should he be expected to buck up for things for the wedding too? We are personally very tight on finances, and her parents are not too much better off. We (my husband and I) would just prefer he not even be there. But our son has wanted his approval all his life and is eating up the attention his father is paying him. What is ettiqute on this matter??? Please help!!
2007-06-20 13:13:30 · 15 answers · asked by no_name_mom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
My son has already let him know about the wedding. The problem in the past, has been that he has just waltzed in to big events for our son and acted like he was the reason for the celebration and tries to take accolades for the progress and accomplishments that my son has made through the help of my husband and our family. My husband and I are civil with the ex and I have always bitten my tongue around my son about him, never putting him down. It's just hard and I don't want to see my husband hurt by the ex's actions. Also my son won't say anything to the ex in fear that the relationship might flounder again. What do you think?
2007-06-21 08:58:27 · update #1
you should let your son decide if he want bio dad there, as for finances, if son wants him there, ask bio dad how he can help out.
2007-06-20 13:21:12 · answer #1 · answered by emm 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If your son's father wants to be there, he should, if your son approves, regardless how you feel. It is your son's wedding. There is an old saying that time heals old wounds and this would be the time to mend the fences and show your son that we do live in a civilize society. This would be an example for the grandchildren as well. As a matter of fact, a thank you for your ex would be nice that you had a son together.
2007-06-20 13:28:15 · answer #2 · answered by zdude_4u 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
IMO, you should invite him to the wedding...partially because this will make your son happy, and partially because he is the man's father, regardless of how much time they've spent together over the years.
I would not ask him for money...This will only make you feel beholden to him, and you don't need that extra stress factor in your life.
Other than that, you should probably stay out of it, and let your son develop a relationship with him on his own. Your son is an adult now, and if you have raised him well (which I'm sure you have), he'll see the strengths and weaknesses that his father has, and will know on his own whether or not it's a good thing to keep his father in his life.
And please don't let your husband think that this takes away from his relationship with your son at all. We all have the capability to expand our hearts infinitely, and your son knows what a good man his step-father is.
2007-06-20 13:18:23 · answer #3 · answered by abfabmom1 7 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Does your son want him there? If you start asking him for money, you run the risk of him trying to interject himself into your son's life in a way that he is not wanted. Let your son have a relationship with him, but I would suggest about having him contribute financially. Just give your son a classy wedding with the resources that you can provide without your ex. Also, how will your current husband feel about your ex's presence?
2007-06-20 13:21:10 · answer #4 · answered by Alison M 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My friend and her daughter were in much the same situation. Daughter & Dad became closer after the wedding. She was disappointed with her Dad for most of her young life for not being there. I do hope your son isn't disappointed but I'm certain if he is old enough to marry he knows what his Dad is like. You can just hope for the best. Let your son decide if and when his Father offers to help out with time or money and if it is helpful.. Though I don't think he should ask. for help They need to work this out between themselves.
2007-06-20 15:46:16 · answer #5 · answered by lemonlimesherbet 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly if you have divorced and he had not taken part in you're sons life it is better that he not be invited. A person just doesn't all of a sudden care. There is more to it than seeing his son. Seeing him would be heartache because it brings back what wasn't right. I suggest only you and your current husband go, leave the ex out, he hasn't been involved, and he doesn't deserve to start now.
2007-06-20 13:18:46 · answer #6 · answered by Jesus IS REAL 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Since he is the bio dad, he SHOULD be included in all of the events surrounding the wedding. Allow the son to have his father present at this important time. However, the bio dad should be responsible for half of the cost of the rehearsal dinner and half of the cost of liquid refreshments. It is only half, not ALL of the cost. If he welches on paying his share, then your son will see that his bio dad is only a sperm donor! Allow your son to find out on his own.
2014-08-18 09:40:56 · answer #7 · answered by Ohio Fan 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i do no longer think of it is going to kill you in the experience that your son needs one photograph per risk with you and your ex and him (you and he did improve a spectacular person mutually, suited?) and one with you, your ex, your son, and his bride. The "with the mummy and dad" shot. you nevertheless are his mom and pa, and it would desire to be the final time in his life he may even evaluate wanting or wanting that photograph. it is likewise conceivable he and his spouse would be cool with skipping it. previous that, i'm uncertain why you're able to could be in the different photos with your ex. in the experience that your ex is remarried and your son needs his stepmother interior the photos, there is that, yet he could have photos with your ex and any paternal grandparents, etc. that are around, and he could have some with you and your mom and dad or different kin. If he has siblings, there could be some with you, he and his brothers/sisters, and a few with ex, him, and brothers and sisters. there's a stability between strange photos with mom and pa who have not been mutually on condition that he advance right into a new child, and taking see you later to get each conceivable photograph for 2 factors of the relatives (and if her mom and dad are additionally divorced -- oof!) that all the visitors pass domicile beforehand the reception! i do no longer think of your boyfriend could be interior the relatives photos except you reside mutually and he's been around for an prolonged time, yet it particularly is of course additionally up on your son and his bride. in case you get a risk, you will possibly be able to desire to call your son and ask what they have reported to the photographer.
2016-10-08 22:13:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as your son is happy he should be invited. It's a natural thing for a child to want to know(or in this case interact with) his/her biological father/mother and for that parent to be a part of such a big event is something that will most likely make your son very happy. Even if your ex husband hasn't been there I'd allow him to be there for this one event.
2007-06-20 13:24:46 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only persons that should decide if the ex should be invited is the bride and groom. I would advise against asking for money, it would appear tacky. If he truely wants to become part of his son's life then he may offer to help with the bills.
2007-06-20 13:23:58 · answer #10 · answered by tipp10 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should ask your son about the invites. If your son wants him invited then I would see if ex-hubby would spring for some of the costs.
2007-06-20 15:02:46 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋