Am I being too picky?

Question

Hiya, after a string of self-esteem destroying relationships, I've met a man who seems to have it all. He is thoughtful, intelligent, caring, polite, genteel, in touch with emotions and he’s good looking. He has a good job, lives nearby, &he knows all of my friends already. Thing is… He doesn’t appear to have much of a sense of humour. He laughs at my stories &jokes, but doesn’t make me laugh. I’m always being told I’m a v. funny person &must admit I like nothing more than acting silly &laughing til my sides hurt. This guy compliments me a LOT, &thinks I have ‘amazingly positive energy’ and is really blowing steam up my behind the entire time. But I don’t know that I like it, because I’m not used to it. &I don’t know if I can have a lot of fun with him if he can’t let loose &be silly too. Does this spell disaster or should I see how things go? We have had 3 dates. Part of me thinks I need to be a bit more reserved. He ticks every other box. Should I talk to him about it?

To expand, I have been suffering with really low self esteem of recent years, and I seem to have a split personality. One half of me is amazing fun, the other is depressed and self-loathing. Could this have anything to do with it? Part of me feels like "why on earth would he be interested in me" and maybe I'm finding reasons not to be with him because I don't WANT it to work because I can't HANDLE the nice guy? Then part of me thinks if he can't make me laugh until I cry then I should just nip it in the bud. Am I being too picky?

Answer 1

I toally agree with unique.... Chances are that he is a bit shy and if you have quite a loud personality then he is probably intimidated by you. Once he gets used to you and you maybe quieten down a little he will loosen up and you will see the real him, then you can decide if you still want to be with him

I would definately give him a chance he sounds really nice and guys like that don't come along all that often chick.

It seems to me that you are willing this relationship not to work, and maybe this loud and funny front you have is your defense mechanism, stopping guys getting too close just in case they hurt you. Could i be right? I don't know.
You know yourself deep down. Hope this helps. xx

Answer 2

Fear is ruling your actions, and it shouldn't. Part of me wants to tell you to let him go until you can get yourself in order, but we all know that men like that don't come along very often. Just take it slow with him and tell him of your concerns. If he's as perfect as he seems, he'll have no problem listening to you and helping you find a way to make it right. But don't fall into the trap of finding things wrong with him because you're not used to the "nice guy".You deserve more, it seems that you've finally found it, so relax, let go, and enjoy! It's not like you're getting married tomorrow. And who knows? You just might rub off on him and make him silly at times as well. Or, he stays the way he is and the two of you ground each other perfectly. In comedic duos, there's always the "cut-up", and then there's the "straight man" to balance things out. This just might be the two of you. And if he's loving your "amazingly positive energy" then he just may get you, after all. Give it time and see where things take the two of you. Just don't give up on it yet, or you may be missing out on something wonderful. And start doing nice things for you, as well. HE can't love you until YOU love you. Treat yourself like the queen you are, then you'll get used to it when he does, too. Good luck.

Answer 3

Wow, this is a very complicated situation and people who don't know you personally can't really give you 'THE' answer you're looking for...but I'll give you an opinion.

Regardless of your 'split personality' or self-esteem issues, if you can't imagine spending your life with someone who doesn't make you laugh, then you need to move on. Laughter is a necessity...and if you're someone who likes to laugh then you better find yourself a partner that knows how to hit your funny bone.

I know that if my fiance weren't as funny as he is, we'd not connect as well as we do because we are both silly together and love every bit of it!

But, with that said, you also need to give him some time to get comfortable with being funny and silly with you...maybe he just hasn't let his guard down enough yet because he's too busy giving you compliments and trying to win you over.

Give it a couple more dates...ask him to tell you a joke...encourage him to loosen up and be silly (not too much though, you don't him thinking you're a clown) and see what happens. If you're still not digging it, then move on.

All the best,
-emay

Answer 4

He is maybe one of those people who can't be silly. I personally hate it when men act stupid, cos I find it annoying, but I want an adult relationship, not a teenage fling.
You need to ask yourself what you want out of this relationship. Do you want just a bit of fun, or is this something you can see developing into a long term thing?
If you are just after a bit of fun, then he is not the right person for you, but if you want an adult relationship with a future, then hold onto him, he sounds perfect!!!

Answer 5

yeah 3 dates, i say c how it goes wait till 7 dates, i think that shuld give u time spread em out. and DO let ur self out, dont try to b what suites him. u got him so let him c what u have to give. if its not ok then move on. u been threw lots and sum sounds like, so u will know if it shuld go on. strong independent women are better. do what u want in best words. hope it helped and that u have fun w him or not

Answer 6

just give him a go and see what happens... and maybe try doing a few more fun and adventurous things with him to see if his wild side comes out... if it doesnt then do you really want to be with a boring man? that would be one of the worst things for me! and by the sound of things it also bothers you quote alot... good luck

Answer 7

To be honest I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him. Any male that smarmies up the rear end in flattery is not to be trusted in my opinion. I may just be cynical or worldly who knows. A little flattery is acceptable but full on like you are suggesting spells something seriously amiss to me; could be he just has an ulterior motive to bed you or it could be something more sinister.

Continue to enjoy his company at your own risk.

Answer 8

Holy crap, woman, lay off the caffiene and give him a few more tries, it takes some people a while to really open up and start being themselves....then if you still aren't happy give me his phone number and I'll distract him while you get away.

Answer 9

Give it a chance, it was only 3 dates. Stay with him a bit longer and see how it goes.

Answer 10

Maybe he is just taking time to build his confidence in own funnyness. In otherwords he might be a bit intimidated. So relax and give him a bit more time.