we broke up after a year,2mnths later he calls me n says he's sorry & needs another chance. now when i ask him if we are dating,he says no we are friends in search of love! when we go out he behaves just like a boyfriend does,holding my hand,kissing,putting his arm around me,we even have sex. he says he doesnt want me to see anyone & neither does he want to see anyone else. he wants to know where i am all the time & tells me where he is too. But even then he introduces me to others as his friend & not a girlfriend! i've spoken to him about it & he says its bcos hes not working,he doesn know want hes going to do in life & someday i'd like to get settled,he doesn want to ruin my life! he says his life is like a wave,he can manage things alone & doesn want me to get stuck in uncertainity. he says its for my own good! but still im confused and unable to figure out this situation because even though he does everything a boyfriend does,he's not saying that we are in a relationship. help!
2007-06-13 22:40:51 · 38 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Leave him right now.
2007-06-13 22:44:46 · answer #1 · answered by raj303 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Here is a question for you. Do you really need to have a definition of a relationship to make you happy?
Its clear to me that you ARE in a relationship, you go out with each other, you have both agreed that its not open, so you are both being faithful. You sleep together.
I remember when I was a bit more free than I am now and how I suddenly felt trapped as soon as a label was fixed to my relationships. It sounds like your boyfriend suffers from the same inability to commit. I wouldn't be overly worried by it though. It would be different if he was seeing other people or was still on the look out for someone else but it sounds like he is really happy with you and is not in search of something better.
If you can bring yourself to let go a little and just travel on the wave he claims to be your relationship will probably last a really long time.
If you need that definition then he is the wrong guy for you.
I guess the best way to break it down is that if he feels free he's unburdened, therefore he can be himself, better for you. If you are tagged as a couple all of a sudden people treat him differently and every action seems under scrutiny. This can cause some people to react by becoming seemingly downtrodden. Not good for you.
As for the unemployed aspect, he may just not want to give anyone the right to say its time you got a job, so make it an equal standing by not offering to pay for anything, always split down the middle and if he can't afford to do something then invite a friend who can. It may be that he is financially secure in which case, just enjoy each other life is too quick in passing to worry about labels.
2007-06-13 23:31:20 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly, he sounds like he is totally selfish to me. He is using you, possessing you. Not letting you to see other people and wanting to know your every moves? Red alert!
Trust me on this, he will dump or break away from you the moment he has someone new. And because currently he is single and he knows you are single too, he is using you to satisfied his urges, his needs. If he claims you guys are just "friends", would he behaves what a boyfriend does? Including sex? As you said he introduces you as a friend to others, he is clearly stating that you are his friends, period. Nothing more.
I know he might mean a lot to you, having feelings for him since you and him were together for a year but please, get a hold on yourself. He is making a fool out of you. He won't look back when he has someone new.
You should have some respect for yourself and he is showing you none when he is having sex with you, doing what a boyfriend does and YET claims you're just a friend.. Including introducing you as a friend to others.
Start meeting new friends and who knows you might find someone much better than he is
Be strong
2007-06-13 22:49:57 · answer #3 · answered by escapismz 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I am just going to tell you like it is, hope you dont mind. LOL....This is just like a scenario I went thru when I was younger. I dated a guy for three years and then we finally broke it off. A few months later we started talking again, but he didn't want to be "officially" together. That hurt my feelings but I let it slide because I loved him very much and wanted to be with him, so I took it that way. We hung out everyday, did everything together, had sex, etc...everything that a couple does. But, he still told people we were just good friends. Well finally after six months or so we decided that we were going to be a real couple again. I was so excited because I had gotten him back the way I wanted. Well New Years Eve was three days later. He was supposed to come meet me at my friends house right before midnight so that we could share our new years together. Well guess what, he never showed up!! Come to find out he was screwing some other girl that night, and had been for a while!!! So, anyway, the moral of the story is if he isn't wanting to get back together with you, but still wants to have sex and all the stuff you do in a relationship that he is just using you and you shouldn't put up with it. Dont let him take advantage of you this way. You shouldn't be longing for him to be with you in that way and him not return the feeling. If he doesn't give you what you need then leave his sorry butt and dont ever look back. Trust me you will feel better about yourself if you are the one that does the final goodbye. I know this may sound hard to do right now with all the feelings you still have for him, but trust me you will be much better off. There is someone out there for you that is waiting to be in a real relationship, and give you all the things you need in one. Drop this guy you got and the right one, tell him that he can't have his cake and eat it to with you cause that is exactly what he is doing. He wants you there to have sex with when he wants, but doesn't watn to commit!!! It is likely to that he is seeing other girls behind your back. Kick his azz to the curb!! Mr. Right will find you!! Hope this helps you!! Good Luck!!
2007-06-13 22:53:53 · answer #4 · answered by Brown_Eyed_Girl 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow. Talk about sending you mixed messages and playing you! No wonder you're so confused. :(
Men who don't like to commit are usually in it for the sex. It sounds like he wants to keep the door open in case he meets someone else. I wouldn't buy into his wishy washy talk about his life being like a wave.
He is enjoying having you around for sex. If he wanted more you'd know it - he'd have no problem introducing you as his gf and he would not play you like this. What he's doing is manipulating you into believing he's doing what's best for you.
People, given half a chance, will always do what's in their OWN best interest so don't believe him. I wouldn't be surprised if he's got someone on the side.
Tell him you are certain that you would like and deserve a real boyfriend, not a playa. Go out and find someone who wont play mind games and who will treat you really nice. :)
2007-06-13 22:54:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi tjere sweetheart im going to be really honest with you and i do not mean to upset you or hurt you ,but youre being taken as a fool,this idiot doesnt have any problem with where he's going in life when it comes to making out with you ,he has you on a bit of string and he wants to know all about where you are and what youre doing .....sod that ,i dont explain my every move to my partner ,he might ask have i had a good day ,or i'll say i saw one of our feiends but as for where i am every minute ,as for the thing with the other friends and not being introduced as his g/f well that is where it would be where i would start ,look if he isnt going to show the world that you 2 are together there would be no more making out and id be telling him to get to ***K and it is over ......youre being treated as a spare part and this is going to continue as youre letting it go on ,youre not stopping and going hang on a minute im worth more than this ..........if youre going to let him away with this why should he ask you to be his g/f he is getting it now so whats the point of showing commitment to you ........do you see what i mean ? if on the other hand you put youre foot down and say no ,it is going to make him sit up and take note that you have had enough and things are going to change ,its youre body no one elses and you have the right to say no it aint happening ! and that is the end of the matter as you sweetheart deserve better than what youre excepting at the moment .......i hope i have wakened you up a bit and not up set you ....good luck and take care xx
2007-06-13 22:57:30 · answer #6 · answered by a parent hows been there !! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is what your doctor has said you need to report him, even people who are obese like myself are still told to eat and given a diet plan that is more than dont eat until you feel really hungry. Go to another doctor and ask them, generally 1000 calories is suggested for those who are obese and not eating past 7 with regular exercise, eating three meals a day and not snacking , or if you have to keeping within the 1000 and having an apple of something.
2016-04-01 06:59:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOSE HIM. NOW! What the BEEP people!? You sound like a quick screw. No offense you're probably a nice person, but you said say it like it is. You're there for him in more ways than one and when he can get someone he thinks is better he will leave you in a broken heartbeat. If you two are just friends and it bothers you that he is being more than so with you. Tell him: We are only friends, YOU said so. and don't let him sleep or kiss you! I wouldn't even be in a relationship with him anymore since he doesn't even know what's a relationship is. Or at least forgets when he is. Or he may just be playing with you and knows you won't do anything about it.
2007-06-13 22:48:08 · answer #8 · answered by Masters of Chibits 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
If he is so unsure of everything in his life, why is he making you answer all of the questions, and acting so possessive with you. My opinion is to dump this guy. Quit wasting time on a trip to nowhere. Find you a guy that will be proud to call you his girlfriend. You deserve to know where you stand, not to be wondering if there is even a future there, especially if he wants you to date him exclusively.
You only have these young years once in your lifetime. Don't waste them on an indecisive, and possessive jerk!
If you don't want to dump him, tell him that in light of his decision not to be girlfriend and boyfriend, you think that you should be dating other people besides just him. That ought to make him think about getting his life together. If it doesn't, he did not care anyway.
2007-06-13 22:51:36 · answer #9 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think after all he only needs you as time pass. If he was searching for a real relationship, he would behave differently.
If I was in your situation, I would leave him.
Try to talk to him and make sure, that YOU know, what YOU want, rather than letting somebody else decide what is going on in your life.
All the best.
2007-06-14 02:48:07 · answer #10 · answered by Janey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh, ive been in this situation, it hurts and is frustrating and deeply confusing.
without knowing the person, my first judgement would be that this guy really needs to have someone by his side, but doesnt want to commit to anyone. the fact is that if he really wanted YOU, he would make the committment.
if your inlove with him and he isnt committing to a relationship, you need to get out and move on.. or he will break your heart.
I wish i had the smarts to do this long ago, as i am still in love with the guy and still stupidly sleep with him... knowing he will never commit.
the sad thing about the situation, is that when he meets a girl he is really interested in... you will be made void.... so be prepared.
ask yourself how much pain you want to be in.. if the answer is none... get out now.
if you feel im wrong, and really want to be with him.... ask him straight out if he is going to make a commitment to you. if the answer is no... dont waste your time.
2007-06-13 22:49:31 · answer #11 · answered by sillyone 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋