Is it bad to ask a woman to marry you with a ring you asked another woman with previously?

Question

So my mom gave me my grandmothers engagement ring and wedding band a few years ago after she passed away, so that i could propose to my old girlfriend. She wore it about one month and then decided that she didn't want to get married. She gave me the ring back one morning and we went our seperate ways. Now almost five years later I obviously still have the ring. I now have a beautiful woman i my life. One in which i am deeply in love with. I want to ask her to marry me eventually and i need to get a ring. Is it okay to use my grandmothers ring that i attempted to give away once before or should i get something new...a clean slate and something more specific to her?

Answer 1

No. It was your Grandma's ring. It has good Karma, especially if she was married to Grandpa a long time. It probably saved you from a bad marriage the first time. I might get it blessed. Your lady will probably love the heirloom. I know I would.

Answer 2

It being your grandmothers ring makes it pretty special, BUT for me, the fact you gave it to another girl and she actually WORE it for a month cancels that out I am afraid. You said, "is it okay to use my grandmothers ring that I ATTEMPTED to give away once before..." If that were the case it would be fine, but that is not the case as you DID give it away and the other lady WORE it.
Are the diamonds large enough to be set in a special band she could wear as an anniversary type band? That would be okay. Or perhaps she would just want to keep it and not wear it since it was your grandmothers and carries sentimental value?
Think of it this way- If your current fiance was married for a month and gave her husband her grandfather's band and that guy wore it, would you want it as your wedding band the rest of your lives together?

At the very minimum, you should as your fiancee her TRUE feelings about it. As long as you tell her the WHOLE story and she isn't bothered by it, then it would be fine too. However, she may say she is okay with it just to spare your feelings and secretly resent it. I wouldn't chance it. You must tell her because what if she ran into your old girl friend and she told you fiancee, "Nice ring. It's the same one I wore while we were engaged~" Ouch!!!!!!!

Answer 3

I wear my grandmother's rings, but the center setting has been altered to something more personal to me. This may be an option if you would like to use the same ring.
I do not believe that you should propose to 2 different people with the same ring, but in this case I think it's borderline acceptable because of the heritage of the ring.
The most important thing would be how your fiancee is going to feel. Will she be offended? Does she know about the ex? Also, how does your mom feel about you proposing to the new girl with the ring? She gave it to you to propose to girl 1, but is she okay with you giving it to girl 2. The ring is part of your mom's history.
If you choose to buy a new ring for your current girl, your grandmother's ring would make an excellent gift if you have a daughter someday. As a bonus, the ring wouldn't leave the family in case of divorce or a disengagement. Be thankful your first fiancee had enough class to give you the ring back!

Answer 4

If she is a traditional type girl, and likes antiques and vintage articles, she may just love the old style engagement ring and the memories that go with it. Being an heirloom in the family may mean even more to her than a brand new ring. What I would do when the time comes is mention it to her and ask her if she would like that ring or would she like a new ring. Tell her what is important that you make her totally happy with her choice. That would be your safest bet. There is no need to mention the fact that you gave the ring to your old girlfriend and she broke engagement. Not necessary. If she opts for a new ring, don't ever give that ring away or try to sell it. Your daughter one day may want it to wear...So hold on to it.

Answer 5

I think you should have the ring re-made, into a new design. That way, the sentiment of the ring is preserved, but the ring is fresh and new. If your current lady doesn't know the history of the ring (previous engagement) don't tell her. When presenting the ring, just say that the stone (or some of the stones) is from your grandmother's ring. You will have to add new gold to it anyway, you can't just melt down an old ring andmake a new one, some of the old gold will be lost. If you're clever, you could find out what style of ring she likes first, and model it on that. Do some covert research, walk her past a few shop windows, that sort of thing. (you could look at watches, and then remark on a ring you like or hate, and look for her reaction). You could add stones to it, incorporating your grandmother's stone, whatever suits.

Answer 6

ok a few things on this

1. That ring is a family hierloom do not sell it.
2. Jaq has made the best point so far. You can use the same ring but take to the jewellers and have something specific to your new girlfriend on it - i.e have something engraved or have a new stone set in it.
3. I would not be offended - i would be honored to wear a ring that is a family heirloom and it would mean that I am welcomed as part of the family.
4. If you think she might be upset by you using the ring talk to her about it. As long as she knows you love her and you want to spend the rest of your life with her she wont be upset - because when it all boils down to it - its not about the ring - its about your love for each other.

Answer 7

Generally, it is not a good idea to use the same ring. But since it was your grandmothers ring, you obviously did not buy it with the girl in mind, so in this case I think its ok to use it again. However, the fact that you are asking makes me wonder whether YOU want to use the ring again, or are worried that it would bother your girlfriend. Are you going to be reminded of this every time you look at her hand? You could get her a new one, or use the stone and have a new ring made that fits her personal style.

Answer 8

I would hit around to see if she wants your grandmother's ring. If you think she does then I would use that one. Since your ex only had it a month I say go for it. If it was a few months or a year I would say no. Also the time between is 5 years so that should not be a problem.

Best Wishes.

Answer 9

She has 2 hands, get a new engagement ring, and let her wear your Grandmother's ring if she likes. If not you could always give it to your own daughter/niece in the future. .

Although, I wouldn't give her your Grandmother's ring directly, I would let her find it - that way if she gets curious about it, you can tell her the story of that ring, and start as you mean to go on with the women you love - honestly.

Answer 10

I know that lots of people like to pass down rings from generation to generation. But, in my opinion I would want a new ring. Most women like how the more modern rings look. Does your girlfirend know that you used this ring to propose to your ex? If she doesn't than I would keep this "our little secret". If you can't afford to splurge for the ring at the moment (and she doesn't know you have already used the ring) than here is another idea. Propose to her with your granny's ring, and then after she accepts (hopefully! lol) ask her how she likes the ring, and offer to get her a new one if she wants. You never know, she may absolutely love the ring and then you want have to put out the cash for a new one. Just some ideas...Hope they help you!! Good Luck! Hope she says YES!!! God Bless!

Answer 11

I wouldnt. If you want her to have the ring because it was your grandmothers then give it to her as a gift NOT an engagement ring. Get a new one for that. Also, dont give her your grandma's ring until after the wedding just in case you split ways.