How to deal with nosy relatives?

Question

I'm a Filipina happily married living here in the UK. I like in here cause I have my own privacy. I feel independent & people here are less nosy (actually i don't think they're being nosy at all) . Once in a while I chat with my relatives (cousins & Aunts) on YM. I know it's normal if they ask you, how are you? and normally you return the question to them.But I don't think it's alright to ask what my husband is up to with his job? Where is he working , if he still working in the same company & once they asked me how much is his salary? When you'll going to have baby? Why not now? I never ask them personal question cause I believe it's none of my business. I don't know why they are being nosy? I also noticed that, if you return the questions to them. They just shut up or give you very little detail on what's going on with them. But if I do the same thing, they will just just rephrase the question which obviously they're trying to squeeze me
Please help me on how to deal with them?

We've been married for 4years. We decided not to have baby yet but we do have plans but not yet. I made that clear to them WHEN? but they keep asking. I believe I've showed enough that Im happy & content with my life. I never complain about my life to them. So i don't see a point asking me personal stuffs. I never gave them any hints. They see us in our picts that we're alright & merry & relax. If you ask them similar questions they shut up. They don't give details. They just answer me with we're 'OK' . But if I do that they never get contentment. though they never ask the postive side I tried to tell happy stories but once i start telling good stories they say Im showing off or they gone quiet , they don't seem interested cause they never ask further questions but if I hint negative things seems like they're wanting more. (i don't believe they have to know little family problems. It's our problem we can sort it out, i don't think it's their business).

Answer 1

Just say, "It's a secret!" And every time they ask, "Why?" say, "Because it's a secret!"

If they get angry, just say, "Oops! I've been on the phone too long. Bye!" and hang up.

Answer 2

To me, some of the questions seem normal family questions to me. I get asked similar by my family.

Either you are going to have to say they are not to ask these questions, or learn innoculous replies, like

How much is his salary?; "Never enough in this country, food is so expensive", etc

You do not have to give details, but it might be easier to just give simple answers. Only you can tell if this is just polite enquiry or sticky beaking.

As to babies and when; that is normal. A simple "not yet", or divert to how much you need to save, or "we are still looking for a good baby doctor, or collecting baby clothes/stuff". However, everyone loves babies.

Of course, you could always kick something over and say woops gotta go, the dog has spilt dinner, or something.

I think your reaction is normal in newly married young couple. when you get a bit older, you realise this is just how families stay connected a bit. Otherwise, you have nothing in common.

Answer 3

I think that the questions regarding what your hubby is doing in his job, isn't being nosy..they are just curious about you and him..and how you are doing..my family does this as well! I do think that your baby issues.,are YOUR business..just be polite,and tell them that you haven't decided that issue yet..and change the subject. or that it is between you and him...when that time comes you will be sure to let the family know!
Also, his salary is also none of their business...you just need to say, oh, would you like to ask him yourself? He could tell you"Or perhaps just tell them the truth, that you think that this is you and your hubbies right to keep that part of your life to yourselves! You just have to manipulate them right on back! (Trust me, I know...I have a VERY nosy younger sister..and when she calls me on the phone..she not only gets right into our business,but, she gets angry with me, then my hubby because she is not getting answers from us! My hubby has had to hang up on her, more than once! It isn't fun but, she knows better! She just is a VERY negative person..and she loves to harrass the whole family! We even have to put our answering services on, and screen the calls because she acts like a little child..most of the time! It is VERY rude!!!)

Good luck!

Answer 4

That sounds like quite a tough situation. They are interested in your life, and I think thats fair enough - asking questions like how your husband is in his job and so on are questions I think they have the right to ask. Questions about his salary and when you are going to have children aren't really that polite, especially as you don't seem to know them that well. If there is a member of your family that you get on with better than the rest, that you feel you can talk to, I would suggest you try and tell them how you feel, and see if they can pass it on to the others.

Answer 5

You are just going to have to tell them than you have decided that part of your past culture is not something you want to acknowledge anymore. That you are a modern, independent woman, capable of running your own life. Your husband and your business IS your business, and not their business.

Thank them for caring, but tell them in the future you will not be answering personal questions. If they don't like it, then just tough, right? If they love you, they will accept the rules you lay down; if they don't love you, then you really don't care, do you?

Have a happy independent life dear.

Answer 6

HI I have the same experience like you do mostly because we are from asia, and asking private questions like you mentioned is part of the culture i believe.
Do not contact them very often, When you do, just talk about general things. if they ask specific things, answer them with a blur or with a laugh or just say ' sorry, i can't tell you.'
Living in uk is very different from where i was, I like here for the reason it is so quiet and not much fussy.

Answer 7

Use little joking comments that make it clear you don't want to give out the details. If they want to know your husband's salary, say things like "Oh, that's personal and my husband and I have agreed not to discuss that wih relatives". And "It's on a "need to know" basis."
But I'm sure your relatives love you and are interested in knowing that you are well. It wouldn't bother me to tell them what they wanted to know (besides the salary - that is my husband's business) and sometimes it is quicker and easier to just share news, etc.
Some of the questions you quoted are sensitive, but others are just the kind of questions I would expect anyone to ask. (is he still working for the same company).

Answer 8

maybe they are just concerned about you being so far away from home and that is why they ask so many questions . Just answer the ones you think are ok and try and tactfully avoid answering the ones that you think are being too nosy or try changing the subject good luck

Answer 9

Tell them the things they are asking are a private matter and ud rather not discuss it with them how are they going to know its bothering you if you dont tell them, they may just be making conversation and seeing how everything is going with you being so far away from them but if you dont like it the best thing to do is mention it to them.

Answer 10

Obviously, they think your up to no good.
But they can't really dictate everything that you do so just let them be and don't mind them! Let them do the work and just relax and get inspired.

You have friends right so just focus on your friends.