Why do parents of adult children have to try and control their lives all the time.?

Question

I am 34 and have been divorced twice with 2 kids. My parents will not even consider getting to know my new boyfriend instead they want to send insults his way just because they would rather I be alone for the rest of my life. My boyfriends parents won't accept me either because I am divorced and told me to my face tonight that me and my children will never be accepted as part of their family if My boyfriend and I get married. To me this is so wrong; we love each other and are not trying to hurt anyone. My children have been hurt by this because they want to have a relationship with my boyfriends parents. This has also caused a strain within my own family. Am I right or wrong in thinking that both sides need to butt out and let us make our own decisions in regards to who we ultimately want to be with. In fact my boyfriends mother keeps belittling her own son saying that I shouldnt have my children around him; i dont understand this since he is a really good person.

Answer 1

I subscribe to your point of view; people use to worry about silly things... You are 34, so you are free to choose the man who's meant to be with you forever; however, I think you have to think about the different opinions before to take any decision, and to ask for the real reasons...
good luck

Answer 2

It sounds like your parents think you are making another mistake in choosing a man. Perhaps they are not looking forward to another divorce in your life?

It sounds like his parents think he is making a mistake in choosing you. Perhaps they want something different for him - maybe their own idea of how his life should be.

You both have parents who want to keep you on the end of their strings to that they can control you.

If you are both completely positive, without reservations of any kind, that you two can make a happy family with your children - then by all means, do it. But be prepared for difficult family relations, which can cause much havoc in a marriage. The future problems I see for you will be very tough, and marriage is tough enough without meddling parents and in-laws.

Think this through long and hard. Then tell your parents to stop treating you like a child. Thank them for their love and concern, but tell them that you will not tolerate being treated this way anymore. If they persist, tell them that you will limit your time with them, until they become more accepting of your choices. A couple of holidays without their grandchildren and they might change their tune.

Good luck - you'll need it.

Answer 3

Parents have a hard time seeing their children as adults. Remember, they have seen you as a child growing up but the loose sight of you becoming an adult. Parents also want to protect their children. It appears that your parents and his see you as someone that makes bad choices in marriage and this is affecting their view of you and the man you are dating. You may never be accepted by his parents and this will create a strain on your marriage if you do marry him. It may not be a major strain but it will be there.

Answer 4

Oh gosh i think you will have to sit down and chat and tell them how you feel
I have grown children and younger
The only way i get involved in my older children's life's is if they ask for my help or opinion
My boyfriend i have been with 20 years he bought my 2 older children up
his mother used to say that he should walk away because he is not my 2 kids dad
i have had terrible trouble with his mum
for 20 years i have put up with rubbish and he has as well some
his mum thinks that he is not grown he is 45 years old
i have learnt to let her rattle her gums and take no notice now
but i have had 20years to learn to live with it
Good luck Hun i do no how you feel
Respect
shaz

Answer 5

I think you're completely justified in thinking they ought to butt out.. You're 34 for God's sake as if you don't know how to run your own life. It's a shame that both sets of parents are treating you both so terribly. It's their loss since both sets are missing out on having relationships with such great people. If I were you I would cut the parents out of the picture for a while until they understand if they're not accepting my boyfriend they're not accepting me. You don't need the negative influences because it will put a strain on your relationship with your boyfriend.

Answer 6

you two people love each other right and your boyfriend is good to your kids,so i would say try and ignore thees people some day they will change when they see that its working for you both.

one thing we always forget is we are still children for our parents it dosent matter how old we are and all they want is the best for us.

so try and be patient time changes many things and try and think about how you protect your own kids and look for similarities in the way you do things,then maybe you can understand why they are like that.

ok i wish you all the best

Answer 7

If you are real in love and you want to be their for each other then you need to only worry about your family and that means him you and the kids do you both need them to live or can you do this by yourselfs that what you have to think and also you need to make sure that this won't come back to hurt one of you you both most be okay with this because if one is not then you will hate each other later

Answer 8

As much at hurts the children- that is the reaction of the parents towards them and you really love this man and he accepts the children then forget about his family and focus on your current relationship.I guess the parents are worried because you have been divorced twice. i suggest you try and reassure them that this a strong loving relationship.

Answer 9

This is tough for you I feel for you, just keep doing what you are doing with your boyfriend if you love him/and he loves you, that's all that matters except your children I wouldn't introduce them to his parents at all until they are willing to accept you, then maybe only then if they act respectable toward your children. You are an adult with children what you do with your life is your business no one Else's, enjoy what you have and keep up the communication between you and your boyfriend. I hope everything works out for you good luck. And tell your parents that they should be nice and be thinking of your happiness!!! not theirs, this is your life, have fun and enjoy it, life is way too short!!!!!!

Answer 10

You are 34 years old & yes it is time to live your own life. If you plan to marry this fellow, let you parents know that if they reject your husband they are also rejecting you. That you will not put up with it & that you will disassociate yourself from them until they accept both of you. If they choose not to, then they choose not to have a relationship with you. The same goes with his family. Period, end of discussion.