i gave my son up for adoption after he was born a year ago and now i want him back. what should i do?

Answer 1

If you signed a Relinquishment, and the baby was placed with an Adoptive Couple, they have likely already finalized the adoption. So, if things were done legally, like through an agency or attorney, there is no recourse.

Besides, if your child is being loved and cared for in a secure family, his needs are being met, and he is bonded to them. To take him form that security now would do him harm.

Could you consider trying to work on more openness in the adoption, so you can see how he is doing, and feel more reassured about his welfare, but not interrupt his life?

Remember, you made the best decision you could for your baby, so please don't cause him pain now (unless he is being abused, of course!) I don't know the details, because you have not provided them. But please just think about your baby -- not your pain. I know that is so immensely difficult. But that is what moms do. I wish you peace. .

Answer 2

Is it possible to get him back?

It may not be possible - it depends on the conditions of the adoption, and what you signed. If it is not possible that is probably 'it' - but you should try talking to a lawyer about it.

Please consider that if you do get your biological son back, it will be at the cost of another family losing their son - they consider the boy they adopted to be their own, and they probably love him more than anything.

It is an open or closed adoption? The best thing would be if both you and the adopted parents can spend time with your biological son - I don't know if this is possible after the adoption has been finalized, but you could perhaps legally try to get 'shared custody' of the child. The best thing for everyone, though, would be if you lived close enough to your son so that you could be with him as he grows, and he can still be with his adopted parents as well. He is lucky to be so loved. But it must hurt a lot for you, not knowing what you can do, and loving him so much... I hope the situation will work out for you all in a good way.

Answer 3

I know this is going to be an extremely difficult time for you. However, there is a varying amount of time in each state or province in which you can revoke and take the child back after signing. It is generally 24 hours to 14 days. After that time the adoption is finalized through the courts and can not be overturned. It is sad and unfortunate that you have changed your mind, however, the adoptive family is the family now. The best you could do is try to contact them and see if they are willing to have some degree of openness in the adoption eg. pictures, phone calls, emails or a visit.

I wish you well and really recommend some grief counseling for you to get through this.

Answer 4

If this was a legal adoption then there is noting you can do.
Even if it wasn't it is better to leave things alone.
People who adopt children are loving parents.
Adopted children are always wanted that's why parents apply to adopt.
In other words, a child may or may not be wanted by his parents. But are always wanted by adopting parents.
He has a good home. He will some day ask about you. One day he will probably come looking for you. Its a great feeling when this happens.
So leave well enough alone now. Don't hurt your son or the adoptive parents. You have a child and can probably have more.

Answer 5

What state are you in? Most states have a 6 month cut off to change your mind once you have signed the papers, unless there are extenuating circumstances. If the father did not give up his rights and the adoption wasn't in Texas or other state with a birthfather registry, then he can contest the adoption. That would give him custody, but you likely could get visitation. Your only alternative is to contact a family lawyer and find out what rights you have to contest, if any.

If you were coerced, threatened, blackmailed and have proof, go to the cops and they can help you. There is no legal limit on this situation.

Answer 6

It depends where you live. Where I live, after a year, you CAN'T get him back. If you thought enough about him to give him the life he deserves, don't take that away from him. I know it probably hurts to think about having a son put up for adoption, but I'm sure you did the right thing by him. You gave him a chance. Stay strong.

Answer 7

I have a son and when he was 4 I had another son. Because I was STILL a single mom I knew that the best decision for all of us -my son, the baby and me - was to place this baby in the care of another family. That "baby" is now 9 and doing awesome! My situation has completely changed and I am married with another son, and with #3 on the way. My husband and I have been together for over 8 years.
You can't go back. You made an amazing decision (don't mean to toot my own horn but 'toot-toot' :)) to give that small little person a better chance. Things may have changed for you but for him his life has already begun and that is because of your choice. A mother is not made by incubating a child for 9 months in the womb. Motherhood comes from all the hours dedicated when that baby is out in the world making his mark, for better or for worse. His life is moving forward and so must yours. He will always be in your heart if not in your life.
I love him, my second son. I love him so much that I would never do anything to take away what I gave him in the first place; a chance at something better. I know you love your boy too. But love him and love yourself. You may feel a void because you allowed him to be removed from you and you have to live with that decision. But that void must be filled by you; it is YOUR responsibility to fill that void, not his.
Be someone that little guy can be proud of. I never understand why adopted kids think they were 'given up'. They were given to someone else because the birth mom or dad felt they would be safer and happier in the care of another. My husband is adopted and has never asked that question. He has the MOST amazing parents and I absolutely adore them! My son, my oldest, is not their blood but they consider him their first grandson always and he was almost 5 when they met him.
I pray you find peace in your decision and make the right choice to let him live his life to its fullest and you go on to live your life to the fullest too. You made a wonderful decision; be good to you now and give your SELF another chance.

Answer 8

You will always be his parent by birth - and therefore always have a place in his heart. But a year ago you made the decision to give your child a different life, and now you have to learn to let go and move on in your life. He will always be yours in your heart - and that is all that should matter at this point. Let him be with the family who adopted him. With the parents he calls Mom and Dad. And one day - when you are both older and he is an adult maybe that will be the right time to seek him out, tell him how much you loved him but that you couldn't care for him at the time so you made the decision to place him with a family who could provide for his needs. That you did the best you could for him. And that he has parents of his own who raised him, but he will always have a place in your heart. And most likely he will appreciate knowing this.
But please remember that he has a family of his own, and that when you gave him up for adoption it meant that you made a choice that you must learn to live with the rest of your life. By no means is it easy to do - but you have to accept your choices (whether you feel it was a mistake or not) and learn from them, and do the best you can.
I was an adopted child, I've met both birthparents. This is my advice based on what I know of myself as an adult, how I was as a child, and based upon what my birthparents shared with me when I was in contact with them as an adult.

Answer 9

Sorry to hear your story but I have to agree with the different answers everyone else has given and give you a spin to go with it. I had a baby back in 98 for my sister that had not 1, not 2, but 8 tubal pregnancy and lost everyone of them I decided she had hurt enough for any person to have to bear and decided to have a baby for her and my brother in law all was good with us as a family me and my sister I didn't believe could be any closer at that time. One day my other son and me was going to go to bed after she and her husband come home from work and he was attacked by her dog and had to have brain surgery in Chicago, IL I almost lost him multiple times because of this injury that happened in the blink of an eye. But I still had to do this for them because I then was able to know the hard ache of maybe not having him myself and knowing the pain of that possible lose that they must have felt everytime a test came back positave and a couple weeks later nothing. She promised to send pictures after the adoption and allow me to see him and be a part of his life after all I was going to be his aunt/natural mother but it didn't happen that way. She wants to stay in fairy lye land a play off she is the natural mother of him and come to find out his little sister which is only 6 months younger then him and she tells him all the time they aren't your mommy and daddy because you was never in mommy's tummy. I have had to move on with my life and I write him and save them tell he gets older I also save pictures of me and of his four siblings three of which I had after him. It just helps me move on to know I was the true parent for going though with it and not straying even in the slitest from what I said I would do, it's hard but he will come around and one day be thankful, you cared enough to do what you believed was best for him, even if it turned out to be wrong because no person can see into the future and say he would be better off there or she would have a better life staying here even with the road being bumpy now it will be better in 9 weeks 3 days and 16 hours the perfect change will happen so keep her here. Life doesn't work like that you did what was best a year ago for you and him, leave him there it's to hard on a kid to do something like that!!!

Answer 10

I was adopted shortly after I was born because my birthmother couldn't care for me. When I became an adult, I searched for her and after three long years, found her. She was so happy and said she always knew some day I would find her. She married and had more children, but their life was not easy, because the family was beset with alcohol problems and constant financial difficulties, among other things. I was sooooooo grateful to her for giving me up for adoption and letting me have all the opportunities in life that I was given. I knew how hard it was for her to do that after I had my own child. I have been very blessed in life, but absolutely none of it would have been possible without her unselfish love for me. She has since died, but I remember her always and keep her in my prayers.

On the contrary, my adopted sister has five children and is in an abusive, alcoholic marriage. They live hand to mouth basically as her husband rarely works. When she was pregnant with her third child, she seriously considered giving him up for adoption. A friend of a friend knew a couple who were looking to adopt. The father was a professional and the mother was a stay-at-home mom. They had a nice house in a good suburb and believed strongly in God, family and education. My sister considered them, but in the end, kept her son. The boy is now 15. He is so scarred by the alcoholism and verbal abuse in his house that he is on the verge of dropping out of school. The local police are familiar with him. Every time I look at him, I want to cry for the life he could have had and the person he could have been and I want to slap my sister for being so selfish.

I'm not saying this would happen to you and your child, but please consider your decision very carefully. Maybe even get counseling before you take this any further.