Dealing with former in-laws...?

Question

My husband left me two years ago and I moved out of state with our son. My ex-husband's parents never showed much interest in our son (their only grandchild) and we have never gotten along. A couple of months ago my ex (whom we see regularly) asked me what I was doing June 7-14 and when I said, "nothing," he said that his parents were planning a visit here to see our son. I wasn't thrilled because I can't stand these people and they've never been nice to me, but I know that I can't really keep my son from seeing them as they haven't done anything bad to him. They arrived here last Thurs. and to be nice, I made dinner for them (my ex-husband was here too). No one even said "thank you" after I made a nice dinner and dessert! I couldn't believe it. The following day my ex-husband and his parents took my son out all day to do different activities and I stayed home so that they could enjoy the boy without me tagging along. That night and the next (while I was out so we wouldn't all be

forced to spend time with one another), they raided my fridge and ate a bunch of my food! Again, no "thank yous" or anything. When my son began to run a fever the next day (the 3rd day of their visit), I asked that he stay home and rest and relax so he could get well. My ex-husband's mother got very angry and wouldn't speak to me. She stomped around my house and then had the nerve to complain to my ex-husband (her son) that she was mad because she didn't think I would be here. It is MY house! When my ex left to go back to his home state, his parents announced to him that they wouldn't be spending any more time with our son as they didn't want to have to deal with me. *whew* So here's the question: am I right in deciding never to have anything to do with these people ever again? No emails, no pictures of my son, no Christmas cards, etc.? What would you do if this was your situation?
Thank you so much!
Aloha :)

I didn't say I wouldn't allow my son to see his grandparents -- they can see him when he visits his dad. I just said I wouldn't be contacting them. Besides, *why* does my son 'need' to know this set of grandparents? They're not nice people, so how does that benefit my son? My parents love and care for my son and never say anything negative about my ex-husband. So even if I was planning to keep my son from my ex-in-laws, he wouldn't suffer from it.

Monster-in-law is NOTHING compared to my ex-mil!

I didn't let my ex-in-laws stay at my house with us. They were in a hotel nearby. They just came over daily -- expecting me to not be here! -- and ate my food and hung out. I am NOT stupid enough to let them stay in my home! LOL.

Answer 1

It seems to me that you did the right thing, and they did not. You put the best interests of your son ahead of your own feelings.

As for your former in-laws, that's another story. Based on your version of events, they failed in their duty to you, which was to be civil to their hostess.

Your best bet is to say nothing to your son about this, or about your feelings. The next time they want to see him, you are under no obligation to offer hospitality.

In every society in the world, providing food is a sign of friendship or at least lack of hostile intent. Your in-laws have made clear their disdain for you, and there is no reason for you to be their doormat. I don't care what you did or didn't do to contribute to the failure of the marriage.

I hope that your son learns your values and manners, and not theirs.

Answer 2

Yes you have every right not to have contact with them. they wait until you divorce their son to have anything to do with your son and then get mad when he runs a fever. If it was my house I would have put them out the first night and would not have gave a damn! You can't be nice to everyone even if they are your sons grandparents. Your ex should have been a man and told them that they were wrong for acting that way and that they were a guest in your house and you shouldn't have let them stayed there if you didn't want to. For him as a man should have made then give you respect and thanked you for the hospitality they could have stayed at a hotel. You have to stand up for yourself because your ex would not and let them know the next time they come down for a visit that it would be best they stay in a hotel and you will not be disrespected in your home and nowhere else. If they want to see your son have your ex pick him up and they can spend the time they need with him until they leave otherwise you will have nothing to say to them. Once you make your stand they will call you a mean *****, but who cares they don't care about you no more than you care about them. Hope they rot in HELL!!

Answer 3

Ok, something is wacky about the relationship with your ex. Sounds like he may be a nonprovider. At any rate, you should never agree for him to stay in your house. He is your ex. Them staying with you obviously did not work out real well so you should make it clear to them and to your ex that they are welcome, even encouraged to come visit their grandson but they will need to procure their own accomodations--offer to give them a few hotel names and numbers that are nearby and would be convenient for them(consider their income when you chose the type of accomodations you suggest) If they make a stink, just restate what you already said to them, don't argue or get mad just restate it. If they ask why tell them the truth--you feel this is the best way for them to visit thier grandson, for the child's sake, for your sake, and for theirs. Your ex is pathetic, he should be the one arranging for their accomodations if they even need help--that was just really bad. You are not a bed and breakfast--they could even get a suite and have the boy stay with them a night or two or even their entire visit if you felt comfortable with that.

Your ex should have asked you what your son was doing June7-14th not you. Obviously they did not come to see you.
Accept it. Enjoy the little break from being a single parent and do some adult stuff with your friends or by yourself--take a little trip to see your folks or old friends, whatever--but have fun, lock your house and let them enjoy their stay. Be nice to them but for heaven's sake do not cook, clean and accomodate them.

I do let my ex-inlaws stay with me because my ex does not travel with them--I divorced thier son and moved out of state. My husband now is very gracious to them as they are to us.

I am sorry that you gave them undeserved hospitality. I feel bad for the situation you found yourself in but I trust you will be strong enough not to find yourself in that same situation ever again. I'm sure your dinner was delicious. They were horrible. You need to move on and let your ex be your ex. Hope this helps a little. Take care, you sound like a good mom.

Answer 4

I think you did what you could, and they would have found fault with something else had your son not fell ill. I would do the same thing, let him see the "monster-in-laws" when he goes to visit his father. If they truly cared about your son, they wouldn't act as they do toward you, after all you are his mother. I think the farther you stay away from these people, the better. Good luck.

Answer 5

I think you did what you could. They were ungrateful. That's something they'll have to answer for one day. Just keep you head up with a good attitude to show you're the bigger person. It's really wonderful that you're even allowing them to see him, especially on such short notice. You're really being a great person. However, I do believe you shouldn't let them take advantage of you. I wouldn't go too far out my way to make them feel welcome. They sound like they don't deserve the royal treatment. It's all in the past and doing all this shows how much you care for and love your son. :)

Answer 6

Assuming that your side of the story is correct and not biased I would say this. You are his mother and what they did was rude and definately not a posture to have in front of their grandchild. You did what was right and apparantely always have. How they acted is their issue. NOT YOURS. But why would you want to start acting like them. Don't get me wrong, I still feel you are right and the feelings to stop communication are understandable. E-mail is not personal and involves no direct contact. Nor does mail and sending pictures. Do what is right, set a good example, but if they ever do come to your house again, it is perfectly OK to expect to be treated with human decency. No one has a right to treat me like crap in my own house. Next time they can get a room. Good Luck!

Answer 7

There's not much you can do as far as the inlaws, but if you are on good terms with your ex husband (as it seems you are) you can talk to him and explain to him that you put alot of effort and time into the dinner for him and his parents because you wanted to do something nice and you felt it went unappreciated.
It's not fair to cut your son off from his grandparents. He'll only resent you for that when he's older. You're going to have to put up with them because they're someone who's important to your son. As for them taking advantage of you, if it'syour house and you don't want them there then you don't have to put up wiht it!

Answer 8

This woman absolutely cares approximately her grandchild, and feels that you're nonetheless her household on account that of her grandchild. So she we could herself in. It's very effortless to difference the locks in your doorways. Door knobs don't seem to be steeply-priced. Don't reply the cellphone whilst she calls. Don't answer to texts, emails or instantaneous messages from her. Don't reply the door for her. Tell your child what you are doing and why, and ask him or her to do the identical. If you're on a social community like Facebook, Twitter, and so on, block her. If you get a letter within the mail from her and you do not desire it to disillusioned you, placed it away a few situation, unopened, till you're capable to learn it. Eventually, she is going to get worn out of attempting to arrive you, and you're going to have your peace again. Because she does care approximately your youngster, it could be great when you've got her or him ship her a notice every so often, telling her what categories s/he is taking, what task s/he simply began, and so on. for her expertise. She does not have got to be capable to reply again till it is over. Once your youngster has accomplished institution, has a profession and is unbiased, you'll be able to reduce ties with this character completely. But she is going to nonetheless be grandma in your child.

Answer 9

they came to see your son. not you.
your first mistake was making dinner. i am sure they were uncomfortable and did not really want to but felt like they had no choice.
i do understand you were trying to be nice- but...........
your gesture was out of place and don't be hard on them for not saying thank you. they were polite enough to stay even though they did not want to.
give these people some space. be polite but stay out of this time for the grandparents have set aside to be with their son and grandson.
sorry. one nice dinner wont fix these problems. there is no reason to fix the relationship. just be polite and they should be the same. you do not like them. they do not like you.
that should not hinder them seeing their grandchild occasionally. be happy for your child. i am sure he feels special with the visit. please do not ruin it for him. you are a big girl. you should be able to entertain yourself for a few days.
i hate my mom in law and she hates me. there is no reason for us to associate or talk. however i do appreciate it when she makes my kid happy.

Answer 10

Sorry to hear that you have such lousy ex-inlaws..

You have the right to reject them cos it was their son who walked out (if i made out your stetement correctly). Bear with it for this round but this is an alarm to tell you that in future if they call to ask if you are around, just think of some excuses and get away from the situation. You don't have to crack your brains to entertain such lousy people... You live you life to the fullest.

God bless you.