wife have cold feet?

Question

I just enlisted in the Army, I ship out for basic in a month, now my wife is begging me to get out of my contract!
What am i to do? At first she was so supportive and eccited as i was but now she is telling me she doesnt want to move away from her home town and away from her parents.
I dont know how to make her feel better, everything i have done doesnt work. I have tried to comfort her about it but it is doing no good.

one more thing, she understands fully what army life is like, she grew up in the army. (Army brat)

Answer 1

STAY YOUR COURSE. She's get over it. Seriously.
She's listening to the little birds chirping in her ears, and it ain't good chirps. ;)

Just tell her that it's done. "You supported me up til now, you need to continue that support for me."
She's just going thru the 'reality' phase of this. She's gonna be fine with it in a bit. ;)

Answer 2

You two really need to sit down and talk about this. You can't let either of you just gloss over it or pull rank on each other. She needs to know how you feel and think about joining and you need to know how she feels and thinks about it. You need to really listen to each other and work together to find some compromise if you want your relationship to work.

I can't tell you what your family's best compromise would be but some that I've seen work are setting up temporary housing at the duty station and going home when the military deploys, or agreeing to move and live that life for the first enlistment and then re-evaluate, or postponing the enlistment.

Look, you two need to find what works for you but if she's an army brat she kind of knows how hard this is going to be for her and your family so you might need to take her fears into account. However, you don't have to cave if the military is still the best way for you two to support yourselves. Part of your talk should be about what she sees happening if you don't enlist and which life would be better.

Answer 3

In theory, the idea of you joining the Army probably sounded really good to her and she wanted to be supportive. But now that it's actually time for you to start heading out, she's realizing it's going to be very difficult, understandably so. It's very hard being a military girlfriend/wife, as I am one myself (my boyfriend is a Marine). You need to let her know that you absolutely understand that she is having an extremely difficult time and that you love her very much but if she cares about your happiness and wanting to succeed, you need her unconditional support because that is what will carry you through basic. Believe me you do not want to be in basic with the thought of your paranoid/upset/unhappy wife on your mind. It will make your life much worse.

Assure her that you moving will not change how you feel about her and her parents. Personally I don't see what the big deal is about moving out of their hometown, you're married with your own lives after all.

It's kind of a catch-22, but continue to lay on the comfort, hugs, kisses, etc. extra thick. Yes it will remind her what she'll miss when you're gone, but it will also make it nearly impossible for her to be upset with you.

Most importantly, remind her how important this is to you. Marriage is about compromise and if she loves you she will understand and be willing to make some sacrifices.

Good luck!

Answer 4

I think the reality of the situation is finally settling in. See, in theory, it sounds great for your man to enlist in the Army. You get to go live in really cool places, travel a lot, and, most importantly, have the pride and honor of bragging that your husband is a soldier.

The reality is that you have to travel a lot and you're a long way from home. Change is scary for anyone and, when you're not really sure what's going to happen next, being away from all your familiar support systems...family, friends, etc. ...is scary for anyone.

Maybe all of this is kind of freaking her out right now. I don't know that you CAN get out of your contract, much less that you should get out of your contract. But you obviously need to talk to her and find out exactly what's going on with her. Maybe she doesn't even know or can't put it into words. But be there for her. Share your fears with her (that really turns women on anyway!).

I think once you two start talking, you'll be able to resolve this yourselves.

Congratulations on your enlistment. It takes a courageous person to do what you're doing in this day and age and I will pray for you and your wife and family and, most importantly, your continued safety. Thank you for volunteering to protect our country.

Answer 5

Here's my story. My father died last dec at age of 89.He was in the Army 2 yrs before wwII,and after Pearl Harbor, he re-upped for the duration. He was active a total of almost 6 years.
Any time you had a conversation with him, the " when I was in the army " sooner or later , without fail, came out.
Frankly,I got sick of hearing it. Whenever anyone asked why he didn't stay in, his standard reply was,": my mother didn't like the Army."
Whatever you do, don't do something you'll regret the rest of your life. Don't, at age 89( or any age) , say, I"I wish i would have-- -- --- "
Your call.
Good luck.

Answer 6

Yeah, with the reaction she's having now, you're going to end up choosing between the army and your wife at some point. I've seen wives who fully supported their husbands' joining the army divorce them. It's not too late in either case, but you're probably not going to be able to sustain both.

Answer 7

I've seen many men drop their careers (military and civilian) because a woman (usually a wife) threatened divorce. ALL of them still ended up losing the woman within 6 months.

Talk to her, be understanding as to her concerns, but STAND FIRM. You have signed a contract. Would she want you to back out of your marital contract?

Answer 8

She is just scared. Just love her and try to be patient with her. Being a military spouse is hard which she knows first hand if she grew up in the military. You are not going to be able to do anything for her, she has to come to term with her own fears and doubts. Just be supportive of her. Good luck to both of you.

Answer 9

I have that same problem (not wanting to move away) Just try to assure her that if she wants to visit you will do your best to get her there and also let her know there is always the phone ,computer, and web cam for her family.. I hope this helps good luck ....also let her know it will be good for you 2 to be a family to grow together without interferences of family that was a big one for me...

Answer 10

Your wife really loves you, she does not want you to be gone 9 months out of the year and possibly be in a war zone. Maybe she is pregnant, you need to talk to your wife and see why she had a change of thought.

Answer 11

Fact is you cant get out of the contract without going to jail or claiming to be homo. My opinion would be to explain to your sweet wife that you have signed an obligation that has to be met. Another thing is a women always changes her mind. Explain to her all the benefits. Act like a recruiter and really polish it up. Explain to her how much you love her but that we all cant sit at the house but someone has to go fight for the freedoms of America. Tell her that when we win the war in Iraq and make certain that you convince her that we will win tell her that we went there to fight for the oil and that gas prices are gonna drop to .39 cents a gallon and she will get to go visit her mother more often.