is it better to have a bad dad than no dad at all?

Question

should i let my girls hang out with him during the weekend when i know he will not be sober. and is it healthy to have them hang out with a father that lies, steals and whatever else he can to get his fix? is it better to have a bad dad than no dad at all?

... i feel like he is their father and i want them to know who he is and not grow up missing that "father figure"

I am so scared that i'll mess up my girls by letting him be in their lives. he's a good dad ... when sober... but as soon as he starts... I don't even want to look at him

Answer 1

Honestly, it is better to have no dad at all.

My father died when I was twelve years old, the whole time he was alive, he was gone and drunk. There were five of us girls, and every one of feel the same way there is nothing but heartache and anger.

Anger for the way he treated our mom, and the way he treated us. He was never abusive or mean to any of us but it was just the thought that he would rather be on a three or four day binge or with some nasty skank he met in the bar and then just walk right back into our life like he did nothing wrong.

Or have to decide if we wanted a Christmas, or to bail out our dad. We are all damaged and he didn't have half the problems that you are describing.

If you know for a fact that he is drunk or using while your children are in the house, you have the right to have his visitation revoked.

You need to get this into court right away. and demand he take a drug test.

If you know he is stealing then turn him in. that will get him out of your kids life for a while.

either way you go, it is going to cause damage to your children but you need to decide which one is going to cause the least amount of damage and then do it.

Answer 2

It is better to have a dad, but definetely do not let your girls hang out there! He is not capable of handling any issues that may arise, and may even cause some that shouldn't be there. Supervised visitation is the only safe way to let them see him.
Maybe a visit in the morning, drop the girls off and let them chat, and pick them up by noon. Thinking he may be sober for this visit.

Answer 3

If you have a custody agreement, you don't have a choice in this. However, tell them to never ever get into a car with him if they even suspect he has been drinking. I trained my daughters this way, even at a young age, they got it.

No its not better to have a bad day than no dad, but this is their father and there isn't a think you can do about it. However, get yourself and them into Alanon meetings right now. Your daughters are the children of an alchoholic, this will effect them all their life. They need to have all the info they can to combat this.

Answer 4

All I have to say is that I grew up without a father and I think I am fine. I have a healthy relationship with a wonderful man. I have never been to jail, never even tried drugs and I am happy.
Do you have other friends or family members that are male that you trust to spend time with your kids?

If he is always drunk he probably want even notice they aren't there. And that alone is not a safe place for them to be.

They can make up their own minds when they get older, but for now it's just not safe.

Answer 5

i would have to say no dad is better than having a bad dad. a bad father can affect a child's life deeply, the fact that they will always have a bad impression of what the most important man role in their life should be. you should really tell him to straighten up if he wants to be in you and your girls life, let him know that the way he is acting and what he is doing is causing a negative impact on you and your girls.

not only is it going to give them a bad image of what a father is, but they are going to start learning to do similiar things that their father is doing. if they are always around him when he is drinking, lying, and stealing that will make them think... that it is okay to do it because dad does it!

bad problems.

Answer 6

For one thing, you should absolutely not let you girls hang out with him if he will be drunk or on drugs. That is not safe for them. However, I do think that they have the right to see him in moderation, as long as you are sure that they will be safe. My dad was a bad guy, and when I was a teenager I made the decision to stop seeing him; but that was my decision to make. My mom did not keep me from him, but I did not spend nights with him hardly at all. Let him take them out to lunch or to a movie, as long as he promises to stay sober. His relationship with them is between him and your girls, it is not your job to make sure their feelings don't get hurt, its a part of life. You need to allow your daughters the chance to work things out with their own dad. Make sure they are safe, make sure he is sober, be there for them when they need you.

Answer 7

I am in a very similar situation with my one year old daughter. I am so torn between letting her spend time with a lying cheating father...and keeping him out of her life forever! I have come to believe that letting her be around him will teach her these bad habits and I do not want my daughter to turn out like him. So, I gave him an ultimatum....clean up, or never see your daughter again! Hope this helps...good luck!

Answer 8

I would disagree. There are friends and other father figures that can be a good dad to someone, and having a bad dad doesn't give you a good representation of dad's all across the world.

Answer 9

if you know he may get a fix why would you even consider leting him take the girls?? the first thing you should think of is the girls ---the girls--- have there safty come first not second
he wants to see the girls and you want him to then get court apointed and in public place for couple hours mcdonalds or a public place were safty comes first no more then couple hours with a apointed some one there were the girls are safe they come first

Answer 10

NO, my dad is just like that. I refused to go with him even when a court oder was given that I was to spen at least 10 hour a year with him. I hate alcholo be cause it ruined my life, I had no childhood because of my father. Make your daughter understand that he may hurt them in a moment of rage. My fatheralmost took me to Mexico when he was drunk. Keep your daughters safe.

-Akio