My parents love me and i love them but i've never got to see my mom or dad (real) and the on;y reason they gave me up is b/c poorness.....
2007-06-13 16:45:11 · 38 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adoption
No, that doesn't change the fact that you love your adoptive parents... When you feel completely ready, you can begin your search to meet your real parents, and even keep in touch and establish some sort of relationship.. Good Luck! =]
2007-06-13 16:49:50 · answer #1 · answered by Nina 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I was adopted also and I'm 39 yo now. I have always thought about my real mom and dad and still do. I tried to find out about them the first time when I was about 10 yo and again when I was 15, I mean I really wanted to meet them at that time, now It's more out of curiosity. I don't know how old you are now, and I would suggest that It would be better if your closer to being an adult than trying when your still your adoptive parents responsibility by law, (you might hurt their feelings) also it would be better for you if it turns out that your mom is not what you imagined and being poor was not the reason.(I found out that my mom and dad were not married and that my dad went to Vietnam and didn't come home so my mom gave me up because she was still a teen and a catholic and back then that's what you did. I went to the nuns and was an orphan for 2 years.) That's what I was told and that's the image I have of her, I never followed through on finding her when I became an adult, I didn't want to ruin the image I have of her if it turns out she's a flake.
2007-06-14 18:10:04 · answer #2 · answered by rjw30ishny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's not a bad thing at all. It's very natural for a person to want to know their heritage. Adoption search and reunion can be a difficult process as well as an emotional process. I recommend letting your parents know that you are curious and that this does not change the way that you feel about them. It is natural for the parents to feel some hurt and it is up to you to talk with them and be honest with them as well. There are so many secrets surrounding adoption that it is best to be open with the ones that you love.
You do not state how old you are. Each state has different laws regarding what age you can start searching. If you are under the age of of 18 you may need your parents to initiate the search process for you. Here is a link that will give you the laws for each state and what step you can take should you decide to proceed to search.
http://local.reunion.adoption.com/
Best of luck to you.
2007-06-14 06:45:41 · answer #3 · answered by Devin's mom 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that it is a great ideal! I think everyone should have that opportunity. Just let you adopted parents know of your love for them because this is tough sometimes on them. Now start thinking of all the questions you might need answered. Family history, family health and things like that. You may only get one shot so make it a good one. Have fun and stay with what you know.
2007-06-13 16:56:45 · answer #4 · answered by freesample1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was adopted, and my whole life I wanted nothing more than three things - to find my birthmother, to have a sister, and to have a baby.
My "real" mom is absolutely my adopted mom - my "real" dad is absolutely my adopted dad. But my birthparents too have a place in my heart, in my family. They're just not my "parents". They gave me life, but it was my parents who gave me a life worth living.
I've met both birthparents. I was 22 when I finally met my birthmother. And I started my search at 15. There was no way that at such a young age as a teenager I could emotionally handle the impact of what my reunions did to me and my family. At 22 I had a hard time. At 28 I have a hard time for different reasons.
But I will tell you that following your dreams, if finding your birthmother is one of them, is totally worth it. Never give up on something you believe in - including yourself and the great potential you have inside of you to be a great human being. And remember that sometimes half the fun of looking for your family out there - is dreaming about it - because quite honestly sometimes what you expect to find is nothing compared to your dreams. Sometimes you will be disappointed in not getting what you expect - and sometimes (as I found) my dreams could never have compared to how great it was to meet my birthmother for the first time.
At one point in my life, as a teenager, I went through some really depressing times and had some medical stuff go on - and I felt that I couldn't go on with out meeting my birthmom - the feeling I had of wanting and needing to meet her was SO strong. As I got older I learned to manage the overpowering emotions - and I realized that I wasn't as alone as I thought I was as a kid.
2007-06-14 17:02:11 · answer #5 · answered by Kerri 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not at all!!! My cousin was adopted and he loves his parents very much but he wants to meet his biological mother. It does not signify that you do not truly love your adoptive parents. All it signifies is that you are human and therefore curious. It's normal and hopefully your adoptive parents will know and understand that. People are always curious as to where their base roots lie. And your biological parents are a part of your base roots. It can be very difficult if not impossible to find your biological parents in certain cases, just as a forwarning.
But it is normal and natural and do not allow anyone to make you feel bad about it. Especially since they probably do not know what it is like to not know your biological parents. Just make sure that you are ready to meet them.
Good luck and hope this helped.
2007-06-13 17:05:22 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
i have two adopted children and I am very much in favor of them being ble to meet their biological parents when they want to. Some adoptive parents have a hard time with it and may feel threatened but, I think you need to do what's right for you. There are two books that are good. One is a simple picture book but, it's still really worthwhile. It's called, "Did My First Mother Love Me?" I'm not absolutely positive of the title of the 2nd one but, it's something like, "20 Things You Wish Your Adoptive Parents Knew." Your parents probably need more reassurance than you do to know that you love them and want to search for your biological family becasue you want to know your roots and not becasue you are insecure about your family. Good luck to you!
2007-06-13 16:59:15 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, that's not bad at all! Does your mom know you want to meet your birthmother? If not, you should talk to her and make sure she understands that you're not trying to find your birthmother to take her place. Your birthmother would be so excited to finally hear from you and meet you. I gave my son up for adoption at birth and we've been reunited for 13 months now and we've developed a beautiful relationship, I'm also close to his adoptive parents. I'd never try to take their place, I'm very fortunate that he understands my reasons behind adoption (my very abusive father) and loves me. BTW, my son, his adoptive mom, and I got matching tattoos symbolizing the adoption triad! Best of luck to you and I wish you and your birthmom a very happy and healthy relationship!
2007-06-13 16:53:26 · answer #8 · answered by swrong 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Nothing wron with it at all. My father was adopted and never felt the need to find his biological parents because he feard he would find out something he didnt want to. After my father passed away I started doing some searching on it and found out everyone in his adoptive family has been taught/taold its something not to be talked about. I called his cousin and asked a question or two she said she would find some stuff out and call me back and I havent talked to her since then (5years) and she wont answe rmy calls.
It is ever very helpfull to find out if there is any common medical problems in your family so you will know what to look for or warn your dr.'s about.
2007-06-13 18:05:50 · answer #9 · answered by Allison 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it isn't bad to want to meet your birth mother. Just please remember to call her that: Birth Mother. As an adoptive mother, I'd be so hurt if my son called his birth mother his "real" mother. I know it's just semantics, but I correct people on this all the time. Your birth mother is an important person in your life and if you want to meet her and your adoptive parents approve (if you're under 18), then you should do it. But don't demean the relationship you have with your adoptive parents by calling your birth mother your "real" mother.
2007-06-13 21:19:50 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋