Im 23 years old and been dating my guy for almost 4 years and were going to get married in 2 years but their's a problem I have a hard time trusting him beacuse of the past we had and now I'm seeing that its effecting us alot and we been fighting lately alot over the situation of me not trusting him. I tryed but IM SCARED to let my guard down, I dont want to get hurt again.... How should I trust him agin.. PLEASE just let me know how to deal with this.. THANX
2007-06-13 16:44:13 · 14 answers · asked by Michelle84 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
marriage and relationships are built on trust and love , they go hand in hand if you can't trust him then it will in the end destroy your relationship , you alone can decide which path you go down but i hope for your sake it's the right one!
2007-06-13 16:49:12 · answer #1 · answered by Andrew1968 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Do NOT marry this man, until you completely trust him... and it sounds like that will never happen. He obviously hurt you terribly and is not understanding why you cannot trust him.
You are very young. The chance that you will still be involved with a boyfriend from your early twenties 10 years from now are nil. Women's wants and needs change quite a bit in through their 20's. Don't throw yourself away on a man that you can't trust, when you are still so young and have much growing to do.
Marriage is hard enough, even when the couple has complete trust in each other.
I guarantee, if you wait to marry a men who has never crushed your heart, and would NEVER think of hurting you so badly, you will NOT be sorry.
2007-06-14 03:17:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it really depends on what happened in the past that makes you leary to trust him. If he cheated or something really bad than I would most likely try to sit down and have a good conversation with him and explain your feelings. It sounds like it never really got resolved in the first place if you are still bringing it up today. If you truely love him even with mistakes in the past then slowly let your gaurd down, but keep it in the back of your head that he could still hurt you. You just have to forgive and forget and hopefully before you get married you will know what is best for you and if he is someone you can trust again. If in 2 years though you are still unsure I would hold off on getting married.
Hope this helps, good luck.
2007-06-13 23:50:34 · answer #3 · answered by Rita S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How can you trust anyone that much. A person has to get in touch with their humanity to be human. You have to be in sync or he'll look for love in all the wrong places and arguing doesn't sound in sync at all. Sounds like the blame game. Both have to take reponsibility to fix their part and help the other one with their part. Developing intuition for both is crucial in these times of stress and pressure that keep coming without let up. When you get it together you'll attract better or if you want to work it out counseling with a good counselor is necessary until you can resolve problems like adults. Most people are emotionally immature and should be home with mama until they grow up. Studying Emotional Intelligence can open that door to adulthood and it improves thinking skills at the same time. Negative emotions block rational thought, negotiations and they block love also. "Break one commandment and you break them all." Do one thing right and all your ducks fall in place. A little work but do-able, if you go get the information you need now and it will serve you the rest of your life in everything.
2007-06-14 00:15:16 · answer #4 · answered by hb12 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like deep down in your heart you think something is going on with him and hes just not saying. marriage also doesnt solve things, so dont think that just because your getting married everything will change, cuz it could get worse. he probably thinks that since you accepted his marriage proposal, that he can still get away with things that he has done, and can continue them after the wedding, like its no problem. if you have doubts, your probably right. trust your gut feeling, and dont get yourself into something you will regret later.
ps. i was in the same situation. i had a boyfriend i had a really hard time trusting, and i thought i could fix it. but i realized there was no way of fixing him. i broke up with him and a few months later i found out someone had just had his baby! we were together for about1.5 years. im glad i listened to myself and broke up with the guy. looking back i realized that he was the biggest loser who depended on his mommy and daddy to support him even when he had his own house. he now currently lives with his parents with the girl and the baby. good luck to you, im sure you will be fine
2007-06-14 04:13:00 · answer #5 · answered by married1 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is the most important thing in any relationship. Once trust is broken its difficult to ever get back. I think you might have to consider moving on. Do not marry someone unless you think you can get past it. And that takes a lot of time, so take it slow.
2007-06-14 02:12:15 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot can happen in two years. You need to either let go of the past and forgive your guy for whatever he did and move forward, or accept the fact that he's not trustworthy and be brave enough to move on. Too many of us girls hang on to something we know is not good because we want so desperately to believe that things will change and get better only to eventually let go anyways and want to kick ourselves for sticking around as long as we did, wasting our precious time. I mean, it sounds like you guys are pretty young and even younger when he cheated (I'm assuming he cheated). It's harder for teenagers to stay faithful...maybe he's matured and really loves you and wants to move forward with you for the rest of his life. But if he lies, blows you off, doesn't keep his promises or if you've caught him cheating on you recently, I would "kick him to the curb!" Good luck!
2007-06-14 00:03:41 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ugh- I feel for you. I don't want to tell you what to do, nor do I want to give you advice on what to do. Instead, I'll tell you what happened to me. Before I met my (now) fiance, I was with my college boyfriend for about 4 years. He cheated on me, I went back to him. He lied to me, I went back to him. I kept going back, thinking that we could restore the trust that was lost. I finally listened to my head (instead of my heart) and broke it off. After I realized that the issue wasn't me, it wasn't us, it wasn't the girl who kept calling him, the issue was HIM, I felt so free. I now sometimes have dreams where I'm still with him and I feel so trapped. I wake up relieved that I no longer have to be on my guard and second guess where he was or what he was doing. My only regret is not listening to my head and gut sooner. I found out that trust isn't something that was lost and can be found again. It's pretty much there, or it's not. I knew I wouldn't want to be 40 years old with two kids, and wondering if he was really "working late" that night, or not.
One of the first things that attracted me to my (now) fiance was how trustworthy he was. I know we are going to have a solid marriage becuase our core values are the same and we have a solid level of trust with each other.
Remember, you are responsible for carving out your own happiness. Good luck!
2007-06-14 00:02:30 · answer #8 · answered by dma 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you have to take the chance on trusting him. it's all up to you and you have to deal with the choices you make. if you can't trust him, stopping waisting your lives away with worry. let him go it's not fair to you or him. if you decide to bring down your guard and you end up getting hurt, just remember, it's not the end of the world. learn from the experience and move forward. good luck in whatever you decide.
2007-06-14 00:42:19 · answer #9 · answered by simply*me 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
firstly if you don't trust him why are you even thinking about marrying him?
secondly he may have done some bad things in the past but people can change - i did.
thirdly there will always be doubts in the back of your mind but u need to ask yourself can you look into his eyes and know that he's telling the truth?if you can then trust him if you can't then don't trust him.
if you don't trust him you have to end it. sorry x
2007-06-14 05:41:49 · answer #10 · answered by Jemma A 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The one I married is the one who I never questioned where he was or who he was with. I'm not about to spend the rest of my life worrying if my husband is out cheating on me or something. I know he's working, I know what time he's finished and he'll be home within 15 minutes of that time.
2007-06-14 00:59:15 · answer #11 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋