I'll be having a MOH and 2 bridesmaids in my wedding. My MOH is, of course, helping out as much as she can from where she lives, as is one of my bridesmaids. The other bridesmaid, however, has done absolutely nothing to help. I can't even run ideas by her, because when I do, she gives me some answer like, "uh huh, that sounds great, so did I tell you about the guy I met last night?" It's really starting to annoy me. On top of all that, she informed me 3 days ago that she'll be coming in from out of town the day before our wedding, but she's leaving immediately after the reception to go hang out with friends she sees all the time. It's less than 2 weeks to the wedding, and I'm really not sure how to handle this. Any suggestions?
2007-06-13 16:38:21 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
She really hasn't been a good friend in general the past few weeks. I haven't been able to have much of a conversation with her at all without her changing the subject to some new guy she met, or who she saw at the bar the night before. I realize I probably do sound like a bridezilla, but I've had quite enough of her nonsense.
2007-06-13 17:00:09 · update #1
Also, she's on summer vacation (she's still a student) and doesn't have a job. She won't be missing any work, or any school. She didn't even pay for her own dress, so she really isn't out all that much.
2007-06-13 17:04:01 · update #2
It sounds like you are looking for people to tell you to ask her not to be in the wedding. But honestly, weddings are stressful times and if you didn't have all this going on you would probably find her behavior less irritating. Unless she is doing something that will embarrass you or cause your guests to be uncomfortable, save yourself the drama of conflict and just let her do her own thing, show up, walk down the aisle and take off. After the wedding your MOH and other bridesmaid will continue to be close friends and you will have pleasant memories of you special day.
2007-06-13 18:21:02 · answer #1 · answered by MaxitudesMamma 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It really is a shame that she is behaving like she is, but since the wedding is soon, just ignore her until then. I dont think her behavior warrants replacing her. I disagree with the person who said buy her a lesser gift than the other attendants because that would be extremely rude and you dont want to take yourself down to that level. I dont think you are a bridezilla at all. I know usually everybody will say that your wedding is not as important to others as it to you and not the main event in their lives, but if your attendants were chosen because they are good friends, then they should act like it. I think it is rude of her to want to leave and go hand out with friends, but if she stays for the entire reception then that's okay cuz after the reception everyone will be leaving and what they do at that point is up to them cuz you'll want to be alone with your new hubby anyway. Congrats on your marriage and try not to let this stress you or get you down anymore than it already has and just enjoy your wonderful day.
2007-06-14 02:45:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would speak to her, and tell her that you wished she would take the role of bridesmaid a little more serious. She's going to have plenty of opportunities to talk to friends, and hang out with guys, but this is your day, and you jabe decided that she's a close enough person to you to be in that special spot up on the alter.
If she wants to leave right after the reception, than I wouldn't worry too much about it, though it's a little rude.Just think though, at least she's not going to walk before you down the aisle and than skip off as your coming down!
It's your big day, and someone that you've made an important part should see that if everyone else is doing so much, than she should step it up a little.
The next time, don't ask her opinion. Or if you feel you need to, and she starts talking about something else, than smile, and drop the subject. You don't want to lose a bridesmaid so close to the end of the wedding.
I personally would say something if you reach your boiling point with her, but something collective that you know won't lead you into a huge brawl.
2007-06-13 23:44:36 · answer #3 · answered by shootsamshoot 3 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Put your foot down. Tell her to stay on subject because its very important as its only less than two weeks until the wedding.
Even though it is short notice, if you think she isn't into the wedding that much and would rather be off somewhere, talk to her about making sure she wants to do this because you think she is not into the wedding and wedding party. If she steps down, you can always go one less on the bride's side (and have the best man escort two girls, MOH and flower girl or other bridesmaid).
2007-06-14 13:48:59 · answer #4 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While I think it's rude that she's leaving immediately after the reception, she's really not being out of line as far as not being interested.
The only role a bridesmaid has in the wedding is to wear a dress and stand at the altar and support you. They're your friends, not slaves. Nobody is going to be as excited about the wedding as you and your FI. They have lives too...
Your wedding is in two weeks. Its a stressful time for you, let this one go and don't give yourself an aneyurism.
2007-06-13 23:47:57 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
You know, and I really hate to be the one to break this to you...but your wedding is NOT at the top of most people's to do lists. Your bridesmaid may not be all "into" weddings, and doesn't know jack about what to do or not to do, what looks good or not, so she'll just agree with whatever you want. I'm assuming your wedding is on a Saturday (most are) so the day before is a Friday. I'm also assuming this is an adult who has a full time job--so she's probably taking a day of vacation anyway--is there any reason she needs to be in town earlier, and if so, have you communicated that to her? If you haven't told her that (which I would suspect you haven't) then you really have yourself to blame here. She's not a mind reader--if you wanted her to specifically help with something, you should've asked her. Some people need specifics--for example--"Would you be able to address invitations on this date?" As far as her leaving after the reception is over--why do you want her hanging around you at that point--I promise you your HUSBAND isn't going to want her around.
You can do one of 2 things here, you can choose to fester over this one, and work yourself up into a good old fashioned boil--and turn into one gigantic Bridezilla...or you can take the high road and accept that not everyone is the same, and not everyone is as interested in your wedding as you are. Smile at your friend, thank her for going to the trouble that she's going to in order to be in your wedding (and she's going to trouble--you do realize that, don't you?), and move on. You'll keep a friend that way. Blow your top, get nasty with her, or (heaven forbid) decide to cut her out of the wedding party, and you've lost a friend for life. I don't know about you...but my friends are too valuable to me to just cut them off like that. Good luck, and I hope you have a wonderful wedding day!
2007-06-13 23:53:03 · answer #6 · answered by basketcase88 7 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Just let is slid and have a happy day. I am in the same position exactly...except my wedding is in less then 3 weeks. Mine keeps talking about her engagement to her boyfriend, which hasn't happened yet, and her job she hates. She even left my shower because she felt we were not going out of our way to include her. Honestly we tried everything. I have chalked it up to her being jealous. I can't change her behaviour but I can control mine. I am choosing to not let her get me down and have a great wedding. I hope you can too. Congratulations, best wishes and good luck for the big day:)
2007-06-14 01:45:18 · answer #7 · answered by nakiska11111 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
That would definitely be aggravating. But... obviously there was a reason you asked this girl to be one of your bridesmaids. She must be an important person to you (or was at one time). As for her disinterest in the wedding, I'll bet that she was always this way (selfish) and it is just really getting to you now because of everything else that is going on. I would try and let it roll off my back and enjoy your day.
2007-06-13 23:49:40 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Us brides need to realize that most people don't care about our weddings as much as we do. She seriously doesn't care what kind of flowers you have anymore than you care what color underwear she going to wear on Friday.
If she is going to be there for the ceremony and the reception why does it matter if she leaves that night to do whatever? You are going to be wrapped up in your new husband.
It sounds like she is fufilling her duties as a bridesmaid and standing up with you like she should, she's got her dress, and being there for the big day so maybe it's just me but I don't see the problem.
2007-06-14 12:46:52 · answer #9 · answered by pspoptart 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Try not to let her get to you. Her leaving probably won't even phase you on that day, because you will be with your husband, and your other guest. With only two weeks to go you can't really replace her. Plus your probably easly annoyed with everything right now because it is so close to the wedding and there is so much to do.
2007-06-13 23:50:42 · answer #10 · answered by Kristy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋